Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Light at the end of the tunnel......

I say that quite a lot - not sure which part of my journaling this was referring to,

"You, the LBSer have no choice. You must make the best of a bad situation and learn from it and move forward being the best person you can be, and leave the results up to God." - 25

I was referring to the situation as a whole, but mostly the parts that you have no control over.

Good list.....

On 1,2,and 3....

What is your timeline to have these accomplished ?

I think that once you start working toward these goals, you will feel a peace come over you.

I know it's not what you want, but it is what you need to do right now.

You should be working toward your goal of seeing your girls at least 50% of the time. They deserve that ...

Know your options first.

Imagine the surprise when she tells you that you can't, and you already have a plan that shows you can...











What does your typical week look like ?

Have you approached any kind of schedule that would mirror what life would be like after you physically separate ???

I know that you mentioned a family calender. I assume that is something that is kept online ? That you both have access to ??


I'm not a huge advocate of this, but I have seen in cases like yours, where there is a schedule, and whomever has "custody" that day, gets to keep the amenities of the house, whilst the non-custodial parent would sleep in a different part of the house.

You definitely have a unique situation, so the grounds for creative custody, should be fully in effect here.


What does custody look like for you ?

How do you envision that being down the road ????

Cause I'm sorry. Fantasy camp for the SAHM should end with the dismemberment of the marriage.

"5. Quit smoking - I've cut back, but need to quit completely"

Peter I know how hard this^^^^is. Have you tried the nicotine inhalers? Give them a shot. Good luck

Good luck with quitting smoking. I am right there with you. I have cut way back but turn to it when I am stressed. Imagine that. I got an electronic cigarette but they don't seem to help me. Hopefully we can both kick this!

I absolutely agree. They are the next best thing.

The budget - I expect to have her L's requests by next week, as soon as I receive I'll start running through the numbers.

Re: Housing - I've already taken a cursory glance at rents for two bedroom places in my town and neighbouring towns. I am visiting a friend this weekend about 30 mins north of me to get an idea of what is available in his town - more definitive decisions closer to move out dates.

Re: service providers - this weekend during my free time, start scouring the web and firing off emails and letters.



I think 50% is going to be impossible unless I down-size my job. (I am away 7am to 8pm and have no family locally) - the best I can hope for is every weekend, Fri to Mon AM.


Mon-Thurs I leave @ 7:00am before the girls get up - return around 8pm, read them stories and put them to bed.
Fri - I usually get home around 6:00 and take over from the in-laws who have fed them. I spend a couple of hours with them before putting them to bed.

Sat AM - W and I usually co-parent often doing something with 1 daughter each (a child with disabilities makes it tough to do things together they both enjoy).
Sat PM - My W goes to work and I look after them from around 2:00 to bedtime.

Sundays - we generally co-parent, my W works 1 Sunday in 4 and I look after both girls until the she gets home around 6:30.

My in-laws also take the girls about one weekend every couple of months.


Best case scenario re: custody is the one I outlined above - I have the girls Fri night thru Mon AM. That's the one that will get me closest to 50/50.

http://cerebralpalsy.org/popular/government-assistance/getting-started/

Hope it is ok to post a link that I found

I think you are limiting yourself by what you have convinced yourself to be true...

Envision what you want before you place limitations...


Work toward those things


Forgetting work ....

What would you LIKE custody to look like ????

Mach - I'm not sure how I can forget work.

I still need to provide financially as my W has been a SAHM.
NY state determines that 25% of my gross salary will go to the primary custodian (regardless of how much custody). Given my W's history as a SAHM and my history as the breadwinner the courts will impute my income if I decide to change jobs. So I cannot willingly change jobs to allow me more time with the girls - the court will impute the higher income.

Reality dictates that I cannot be 50/50 - once I have paid CS and alimony I would barely have enough for a home and pay the bills. I understand I would have a certain amount of respite - but with no local family I would need to pay for childcare on top.

Again - I'm being realistic on the likely outcome not placing limitations.