Pulp I agree with what Truegritter has said. Sounds to me like she is just stringing you along. I'd bet my paycheck she knows the time limit you have to move back home with your son and she knows she is screwed if you do.
You have bent over backwards for your W and look where it has gotten you. IMHO you need to take your son and go home. You need to do what's best for you and your son and it certainly isn't the place you are at now. I think if you stay there you are going to be very sorry. Please protect yourself.
M 44 W 43 S 23 S 15 INILWY 9/11 Divorce Mediation started 3/13 June 30 the day W is moving out
My personal affairs are shaking out pretty nicely. I'm only 2 weeks in to a new job. Making a nice impression as a great new hire. I find the work fulfilling and rewarding. I'm not as worried about what she will do or won't do anymore. This is a very large company and with my background and drive, lots of room for advancement. I may be in a better position than I was back home. It will take time, just like the sitch, but I am confident in my abilities.
I'm not in the financial stanglehold I found myself in while unemployed. Now, we were living within our means on her income alone, and nowhere near financial ruin. It's just being a provider again has fulfilled more self-worth and given ME options.
She is still letting most of the child rearing duties fall in my court. I feel like I'm burning the candle at both ends sometimes. But she has picked up some responsibility in the last few days. I'm just taking care of what "I" can control. If she continues on her current trend... great. If she goes back to ONLY thinking about herself... oh well. She has to live with that. Not me.
I have a "I can do this" mindset now. Regardless of W's choices.
Grandma's funeral was today. 89yrs old. It was a celebration of a life well lived.
Grandpa died 25yrs ago when he was 72. She talked about him often. I can't help but think now of how lonely some or maybe most of those years must have been.
W offered a few words of kindness and sympathy to me.
On a lighter note, W was trying on a couple spring dresses last week and modeled them for me. She asked my opinion of them. I told her she looked nice, which she did.
That being something she hasn't done in a while along with our other positive interactions leaves me feeling good. I'm making some changes that I like about myself and maybe one day she'll tell me she likes them too.
We don't talk much if at all in the mornings. She has been sending me a text here and there during the middle of the day. Sometimes I respond sometimes I don't. From 6p.m. till 9p.m. things are really "normal". We share interesting tidbits about our day.(mostly her) We talk and joke and play with S together. After he goes to bed we just kinda go to our separate ends of the house. She still sleeps on the couch every nite.
Its not ideal but I will take the improvement. Seems like we are friends again.
Only you know when that is happening. It seems to me you are watching your W too much and putting too much stock in little signs of "friendship" that may or may not mean anything with regards to where she is or is thinking of going.
IF, and WHEN you see sign of her owning her own actions in the demise of your M
Then I would consider her CONSISTENT actions in that direction.
I have seen nothing from her that shows me she desires to reconcile your M or consider her own part in what's happening to your M.
Until then Pulp. Protect yourself and make decisions that are best for YOU.
My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
It seems to me you are watching your W too much and putting too much stock in little signs of "friendship" that may or may not mean anything with regards to where she is or is thinking of going.
Pulp- I have made this mistake over and over again. My W and I would joke around, flirt a little, and get along great and I would become hopeful of a potential R. Then she tells me she still wants a D.
I feel you can appreciate and be greatful for the good times and the fact that you can be friendly and enjoy each others company from time to time but do not set yourself up for major dissapointment by projecting future expectations.
I am finally aware of this dynamic and have been trying to not set any expectations but it is difficult.
I AM watching her. Probably too much. I get that I need to watch her to some extent per DR book. So I can adjust if need be. Backoff. I do have a small amount of momentum in a positive direction. That is strictly because of changes in how I choose to interact and react to various scenarios. I like me more. How I conduct myself.
You guys are just saying stay grounded. I'm not out of the woods. There is more to come. Lots more. Don't have any expectations. Right?
The M can only be repaired if/when she owns her side. One person can change the dynamics, but it takes two to have a real R.
I don't have the overwhelming fear I first had. I am not too big to admit that I can still allow myself to get wraped up and scared. But on a scale of 1-10 where I was at 10, I am now at 4. And the four is my current peak. Sometimes I'm at 0. I'm not thinking about this sh!t 24/7 anymore. I like that.
I am learning to detach. Trying. Doing better. I am a work in progress.
I've been checking on your sitch T^2. Not much activity lately. I will take that as a good sign. Glad to hear from you.
Job is good. Between work, recent family death, and the daily grind... honestly not much GAL.
I am still working out regularly. Finding fun new stuff to do with S. Working overtime when I can to make that paper. That is about it. Spare time just for me has been elusive lately.
S was supposed to have his first tee-ball practice today. He was pumped up. I got a call 4hrs before practice that S can't play. He is not old enough. It is a 5-6 yr old team. But in the fine print he was supposed to turn 5 by such and such date. Well he missed the cut-off by 9 days. "Oh it's policy sir."
So we are going to try karate tomorrow morning. Take that city league ball
