Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis Almost a year since D

Thanks AJM - and true it is better at 18.

Well this week - XH took son car shopping and they bought a car that gave my son a car payment of $370!!!!!!! I am SO furious I can hardly see straight! XH is just plain creepy and trying to look like a hero. Thankfully my name is not associated with ANY of this. It just gives me something else to worry about for my son.

Anyway - now he has transportation and I can use the time to take better care of myself.

So there!

Hi IB. Why the anger? We can easily see that the car payment is ridiculous for an 18 year old to handle. But that is what it is, right? He'll learn and it won't be life threatening. Perhaps painful though.

Why the anger? This is a good thing for your son. He needs to see, feel, experience with his father.

Remember how hard it has been for you to distance yourself from his father. Remember that you don't have the same committment to his father that he has. Remember, your son has to learn his own way and his own relationship with his father.

It's important that he does, and he needs to see the good, bad, and ugly. All of it.

Your son will learn at some point what is right for him and what is not. When that happens is anyone's guess. But it will happen.

You need to be there for him WHEN he is ready. Until then, deal with your anger in the matter.

I don't think this is something that can't be fixed later. Really. It's not a bad thing that he has that burden from his dad

Control the things you can control. Let the rest go quickly.
AJ

I know you are right. Just frustrating that EVERYONE can see how stupid this decision is - but it's out of my hands. Son and I have had a good couple of days - thankfully. His basketball banquet is today - another closure. This is good though. XH is bringing 5 family members who have had little to nothing to do with son - I am going by myself. It's all good!

Have a nice time!

Have a great time and I hope that you take plenty of photos.

Thanks! It turned out to be a lovely event. XH was - for lack of a better word - gross. Looked bad - acted weird - just creepy. A long time supporter of the basketball program said to me "I've not said anything but I am really sorry about what happened to you and XH" I said "I appreciate that - it's been a tough couple of years for son and myself but we are doing ok." He said "I am sure it is - because the rest of us can't figure out what he's doing! Have you met or seen this other woman???" I said - "well I try to stay away from them." He said "No one will ever understand." I just smiled and walked away.

Good news - I am officially DONE with having to interact in that environment. Knowing that is VERY healing. Son and I are leaving Friday for a week in Florida - it is supposed to be warm and sunny and I can't wait! Son even said - "hey this will be the last mom and son road trip:)" Victory in the small things!

IB,
I am so happy to see that everything went well so that you and your son could enjoy yourselves. It's funny how the mlcers don't think that people notice just how odd they are. It's rather sad when you think about it.

Well, now you have to get your plans in order for your trip to Florida! I'm sure you both could use some R&R time. Enjoy!

Oh do I know how you feel

Hope everyone here is hanging on / getting by / moving forward:)

Update... March 21st came and went and I absolutely, TOTALLY forgot it was the one-year anniversary of my divorce! How's THAT for progress? Did think of it a few days later BUT it was just a fleeting thought. This was a good thing!

I have been through the ringer these last two years with my son. I am now in Panama City Beach, Florida with him and some family friends. I am pleased to report my son is the novice of the group! And not only that - he doesn't show signs of wanting to get a spring break advanced degree:) Has not heard from his dad once this week - and he (and I) are perfectly ok with that! His loss - truly!

With all this being said, I recognize and accept it's time for me to begin taking care of myself in every way. Diet, exercise, mentally, spiritually, financially...there really can be no more excuses of "not enough time" or that I need to "take care of my son" etc. I watched a program the other night that basically said we sometimes get "stuck" because we hold on to our "story". I recognized myself in this and realized that I need to let go of this story. I am not the abandoned, deceived, betrayed, humiliated, less-than wife. I am someone with a blessed opportunity to start over and to genuinely, authentically live and breathe a life of my choosing.

Very lucky indeed...

IB,
I hope that you and your son are enjoying your vacation. I'm sure that you feel a lot better being away.

You've come a long way and have worked so hard to get to where you are today that I wanted to just say "my hat's off to you". You've been an inspiration to many on the board because when you stumble, you pick yourself up and continue moving foward.

IB, your posting was excellent and I can tell that you are giving some serious thought to how to take care of yourself. Lady, you are going to be just fine...you are strong and independent and no matter what....you are going to shine!