I am so confused as to why I still have these feelings.
The first time all this happened, I did set the boundaries. The next time something happened I ended it. But that didn't last long. I am a sucker for her big brown eyes.
I think you should cut yourself some slack. Having feelings is not bad. You dated this woman, you liked this woman, she made you feel good about yourself. Now, you find that she has crossed some lines and boundaries that are important to you. This doesn't mean you were a sucker for having warm feelings about her, or even that you continue to have them despite her actions. What is important is what you do now. You can continue to have feelings while you assert your boundaries. You can continue to have feelings while you let her go. You know from your prior R that feelings can fade with time and that the rawness of what you are experiencing is temporary. You know how to do this! I have enjoyed learning from your posts. Now go and take your own advice.
Mimi
M:37; H:37; M:10 years;T:13 years;no kids. Bomb ("I love you, but don't feel things for you I should":1/08/12 Separated (H living with various friends:1/18/12 Separated (H rented his own apartment:3/4/12
I am so confused as to why I still have these feelings.
The first time all this happened, I did set the boundaries. The next time something happened I ended it. But that didn't last long. I am a sucker for her big brown eyes.
I think you should cut yourself some slack. Having feelings is not bad. You dated this woman, you liked this woman, she made you feel good about yourself. Now, you find that she has crossed some lines and boundaries that are important to you. This doesn't mean you were a sucker for having warm feelings about her, or even that you continue to have them despite her actions. What is important is what you do now. You can continue to have feelings while you assert your boundaries. You can continue to have feelings while you let her go. You know from your prior R that feelings can fade with time and that the rawness of what you are experiencing is temporary. You know how to do this! I have enjoyed learning from your posts. Now go and take your own advice.
Brian, I am sorry it came to this. However, it's better to find out now rather than later when there's more at stake. Good for you for setting the boundaries and enforcing them.
On a side note, as you know there are some good women out there who just got the raw deal as we see here on this MB. However, a female friend pointed out to me that there's some crazy ones out there, too. Did you find one of the crazy ones?
Well, she text me yesterday. We had a mini conversation about what all transpired. She was finally honest to me about what is going on with her. She told me she wasn't honest with herself and therefore, wasn't able to be honest with me. She told me that when she got seperated, her husband kidnapped her son for 3 months (I know this is true as I saw the police reports and her journal of it). When this happened, she started drinking and didn't stop. Her life got out of control. It really makes sense as I do have some information that shows her changes in personality happened just after her son was kidnapped.
I told her that I truly believe God put me in her life to help her through this. I have no idea if he meant for us to have any type of relationship, but I am willing to put all of that aside and help her through this. This is my first experience with unconditional love that I have really given. She said she wants to change and that she wants my help. I guess we will see if she really means it.
When I met my W, she was in an abusive R. Myself and a few friends became involved in an intervention that had her BF removed from the house by police escort. As much as I didn't "see" it coming, I became attracted to her and she, to me... and the co-dependent M that I am now at the end of is the result.
Be there for her, just be careful that both (or either) aren't seeing you as the knight in shining armour. You are a good man and will make a great BF or H in the future, even now... just be careful and take things slow... that the two of you are "ready" and it's for the "right" reasons...
Most of you can ignore this post. I just need a place to journal my feelings right now. I hope this is ok with the mods. I have been divorced now for almost a year. I met someone in December and things were going really well. Then I find out in February she had been lying to me about a few things and cheated on me (we decided together in January to be exclusive).
One of her lies was that instead of being divorced for 4 years, she wasn't divorced yet and was getting a divorce. If I had of known that from the start, I would not have continued. Right now, because she was married for so long, she is in the stage of "getting out and experiencing life". She loves attention from men and will do whatever she has to to get it (I think you understand what I mean from that).
We have broken up and got together a few times in February. This last time, she decided to "be with" a guy she had just met that was the boyfriend of another lady I introduced her to. That caused them to break up as he has a problem with keeping it in his pants (especially with women with low self esteem). Here is where I am right now. I know I deserve so much better. But for the life of me, I can't understand why, since I am the one who keeps breaking up with her, I keep wanting her back. With all the lies, her love of attention, her not able to say no to anyone, her inability to express her feelings and talk about things, oh yeah and her massive drinking...I still know that when we are with each other (I don't mean sexually), it is so good. We have so much in common, it's the way she laughs, her facial expressions, the way we cooked for each other, being next to each other... I have been praying for weeks about this. I am so conflicted. Is it that I am just so lonely that I am willing to put up with anything to feel any type of togetherness? Do I really love her and want her back? I know regardless, she needs to get some things out of her system and go out there and have fun. Lord knows I did it when I got my divorce (please forgive me Lord again for some of the things I did). In my mind, I think if I give her 6 months, maybe it might be out of her system. But in 6 months, she might be out of mine (and probably, she would be).
I do want to say that my entire life, I wasn't the most sucessfull with ladies. I was always shy and didn't have my first real gf until I was a junior in high school. Reall, I only had 4 up until I got married. I never was the one to break up with people...I think because I was afraid I wouldn't ever find anyone else. I wonder if that is my problem now. Maybe I am afraid I won't find anyone else again. The problem with that is I KNOW I am attractive and have qualities women would like. I can talk with people really easy. But I have no "game" so to speak. I have no idea how to start a conversation with a total stranger.
Divorce Busting gave me the skills to know I am going to be ok (I owe Michelle my life for this). I make my own happiness. I am happy with myself, just sad at the situation. Again, I don't expect any replies to this, I just needed to speak my mind. I know how much this forum helped me during my divorce. Thanks for listening...Love you all!
Brian
Brian--I am--we are (at DB) PROUD OF YOU....this makes you a success. We want every marriage to be saved, but that is not always the case, and not always the desired goal for every situation. Being able to really live and enjoy your life and feel healed, is incredibly important. Thank you for this!
