"I feel like we're all in this 'between' stage right now. Our M as it was is 'dead' (a scary concept on its own) and we're heading towards something better, which will also hopefully include a renewed R with our H/W. In the meantime, we're in this between space, reflecting on things that went wrong, trying to make sense of it, working on improving ourselves as human beings, learning about what kind of M we'd really like, and what it takes to have that."
nhmom - i really like the way you put this - it is exactly the space we are in - and to see it written so clearly and concisely just soothes me and makes me realize more concretely where i am and what i'm doing and what this is all about.
if you don't mind i am going to copy and paste it into my thread, so that i can read it everyday:) zig
me 46 H 38 M10yrs T 11 S10 BD ow 8/11 h filed 9/25/12
"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"
HAHA Rick ^^^^^! Yes, the space between his ears seems to be lacking something!
Journal: This past weekend was a test of my changes... and I passed!!
Our water heater broke and was leaking water into the ceiling- I discovered it by walking in on a waterfall dripping in the middle of the hallway (our heater is in the attic.) I was already at home with a sick baby- so I was stressed as it was. H took a half day at work to come help. By the time he got home, I had already turned off the water to the house, looked up a youtube video about how to drain the unit, and hauled the wetvac up into the attic to clean up the standing water- gotta love being a Navy Wife! I let him take the lead as far as making a plan to fix this (a 180 for me). He bought a new unit and made plans to remove/install himself. A BIG 180: I kept my mouth shut about the negative possibilities that could happen, and just told him that I have faith in his handyman abilities (that was honest b/c he is VERY handy around the house.) I only offered suggestions when he asked and was available to help when he needed it, but didn't force myself into the sitch. It took us 6 hours, but we worked together, problem solved, improvised and even laughed a lot- all in a tight space in the attic (I even caught him checking me out a few times as we had to get in some strange positions to get to the pipes.) This kind of event would have normally involved some raised voices, rude words and ended with a fight... none of that happened!!
The rest of the weekend was odd. He barely acknowledged me and he moved awkwardly out of the way if we were going to brush past each other. But at the same time, he cleaned out the garage and set up a new workbench, laid down grass feed and filled up and turned on the hot tub we haven't used in over a year. We even had family dinner on Sunday night- pizza on TV trays watching a movie, but it counts!
More strange behavior today: - He text in the middle of the day to ask me my opinion about something that happened 2 weeks ago involving the kids (an event that has no bearing on current issues.) - He text me tonight to ask how the boys (he hasn't done this on his 'day off' in over 3 weeks.) We text back and forth for a little bit- then he just stopped.
Gonna try not to mind read....
M-31, H-31 T-9, M-7 S-6, s-20mth sep 8/1/11 ILYNILWY 11/29/11 Creating separation papers. Discover H has feelings for BFF, she does too 1/11/12 H moves out 1.20.12
Nice job with the self sufficiency and the 180's. I know it is a challenge not to step in and fix, fix, fix. And I can totally relate to the raised voices and fights that can break out trying to take on a project as big as the water heater. So Bravo to Purg!
Don't mind read. Accept what little you received, file it away and hope for similar opportunities to have positive interactions in the future!
Keep going!
Me51 W53 S17 S14 M22 T25 Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11
It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.
Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife
What I think is so nice about your post is how much you enjoyed just being with your family and H even in the most mundane sitch. All the dinners watching and movie that you took for granted before, was now perfect. You probably were so happy just being in that moment. I love it.
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
Cleaned out garage and set up a work bench doesn't seem like someone who is not planning on staying a while would do.
But you are spot on Purg, do not mind read. You can certainly enjoy these moments and be hopeful but keep those expectations in check & keep the Zen flowing.
