Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Feeling like I am changing

I agree with Valeska.

Val and LABug are making some clear points
but you already know the answer, as you "know"...

I'm bummed you missed the reunion -so important to keep it going and not fall back into the "world" and old dynamics. But I know you had your family reasons.

Maybe your h will go "for communication" purposes...or maybe you can find a mc through EE. There are a ton of therapists who attended when I went.


Anyhow I love seeing your changes or that you notice the unhealthy dynamics faster now. I had a few of those after I returned and if it weren't for the follow up I might not have known how to keep working my own personal contract.


Anyhow, good to seeing doing your work.

(((( ))))

Thanks Val, Labug and 25!

Yes till now I have been afraid of making him angrier or escalating. He would also use my words against me or twist the argument until I was confused. I do know that walking away from it is best. I think having a plan is absolutely best. Knowing how I will handle it in advance may be a good idea for me.

You and I are on the same track, 25. I was planning to see if I can find a MC through EE. I thought Eric may have a suggestion.
I agree, learning how to communicate is a good enough reason and I think he will be good with that.

I've been in daily contact with the group, both team and participants, which really helps me. There are a few upcoming activities that I will attend too.

I absolutely can see things much differently now, which in itself is a blessing.

Autumn...

So, what is the dynamic w/the work travel attitude...?

Is he jealous of your success?

Or, is this more of a tug of war over who can get away more? (coming from him)

That's odd.

Shouldn't he be proud that you have occasion to go away, and do something different, more successful, etc...?

It's not like your boys are super young, and hard...

Weird.

If you find he's reading so closely on your fb, tell him that you're flattered he's so darn interested in your every movement and word!

(Aren't I helpful? LoL)

Hey, Autumn, what's up?

I realized that its been a while since I've been here and thought I should check in and see how everyone is doing.

I've been busy, mostly just GAL which I have really been enjoying. I have a new found bounce in my step, and really believe it comes from the workshop. I have learned so much and continue daily. I feel so wonderful and really am nicer to myself (may sound simple but its true)

H has noticed a huge difference and has mentioned it regularly. After I talk to someone from EE or come back from a gathering, he says "you seem so happy". He said "I can tell that this is good for you and I am really glad you are doing it"

We have been getting along, but my focus has really been on my growth and boundaries. I haven't lost that but it is nice to get along too.

Last week he mentioned that he feels different and thinks that it is due to my changes, he is getting something out of my changes as well. He said that he is tired of being angry all of the time and won't waste any more time being angry.

I am still going to counseling weekly and getting a lot out of it. MC is still on the table but we haven't scheduled it yet. I think it is important, and necessary if we plan to do this right.

So I am hopeful that things seem to be headed in the right direction.

"the value of the workshop lies in the changes others see in You

AND how your life improves, gaining clarity and intent..."

that was what the late Laura Bowles said at my workshop & I still recall those words. I love those words. And my changes were what got my h to go and triggere changes in HIM and our m....

It's been a while since I've been here and honestly I don't know where to start.

I've been doing my work and things have been good for the most part. He compliments me on my work, and weight loss. We communicate better than ever or so I thought.

I feel like I just got hit by a truck. I just got some information that knocked me on my rear. I don't know if he has done anything just yet but some very ugly information was just dropped in my lap. He is trying to start something up with someone, and I saw the written proof. It was disgusting. This is just days after our anniversary getaway that he planned.

I don't understand how someone can lie straight to my face like that and be convincing.

I am such an idiot.

I don't know what to do just yet. We have a family wedding tomorrow night and the kids are coming. I have to figure out my next steps. I think a call to a lawyer on Monday to find our my rights is in my cards.

Please be gentle with the 2x4, I am really in a fragile state at the moment. I can't stop shaking and feel like I am going to be sick.

Oh Autumn, I'm so sorry.

Repeat after me, I am not an idiot!

You were acting in good faith, someone else wasn't. Do what you have to do to get through today.

(((Autumn)))

Thank you labug, that means a lot. I can't seem to stop crying. I really hate that he is doing this to my family. I don't think I can ever trust him again, which means the end for us. Fool me once, shame on you..fool me twice..

I am trying to stay strong and keep it together when the kids get home.

This is going to be a tough road...again