TG...I just read your post on the other link to horse....Your point has sunk in with me and I understand now what you are saying. Thanks for being patient because you've said the same thing multiple times now. Thank you.
Well today we met for lunch. Had a nice time. Chatted a bit. I got this fancy new toilet water that she said smells really nice...aqua di gio or something like that. So that step in the 37 surely works We also established some guidelines for when she will be with our S. The W will pick him up as usual after the sitters with the parameter that she will stay until his bedtime or until I get home from work. If she can't do either, we will utilize or normal sitter. No unannounced visits, but the W is welcomed to the house at any time. It would appear that the W will see him 3 times per week, but it will be a rather set schedule and I know our S likes consistency. Thanks for the advice purgatory.
Glad to hear you worked out something that works for both of you. Stay consistent with her. If she comes over unannounced, pleasantly remind her of the need for advance notice... If she does it again, quickly make plans to leave with S and say: "I'm sorry but we already had plans, I didn't know you were coming over."
It's hard to be 'mean' to them, but just like you have to teach children the consequences of their actions, the WAS has to learn as well.
I hope this schedule works for your family, and especially your S.
M-31, H-31 T-9, M-7 S-6, s-20mth sep 8/1/11 ILYNILWY 11/29/11 Creating separation papers. Discover H has feelings for BFF, she does too 1/11/12 H moves out 1.20.12
I believe what TG said is accurate on another post. In my case I'm not experiencing a vanilla WAW...it's more like vanilla with a bunch of toppings. I'm not even sure if my W is really a WAW or a MLC or a combination of all the above or something completely different. I'm on chapter 5 of DR. I'm going to go back through an re-read the chapter once finished. It has provided me with insight. I realize that my W might describe me as critical even though I don't intend to be. While reflecting back I can recall certain times where I'd think to myself...damn I'm so lucky. My W is beautiful and looks stunning this morning. But instead of telling her that I wouldn't say a word.
My W called and asked to come over last night. Yesterday we also had lunch together. We had a nice evening. Put our S to bed. She then asked to lay down for a bit which lead to RBTL. All facilitated by her. Afterwards we laid for a bit longer then she started to get dressed to head back to her apt. I couldn't help but feeling like I had just been used. Not that I'm some superstar and not that I couldn't tell the fact that she loves me, it just really left an empty feeling inside. I kept it in and let her know that it was a nice evening and I hope she had a good day at work tomorrow (today). After she left I cried myself to sleep. Since the W has been out, about 4.5 weeks, we have continued to be inmate. She always wants to kiss and hug and what not. I'm just not sure if I should draw the line somewhere. But maybe it's one of the little signs that MWD points to. Confusing...
My W has said that's it not about me that it's about her very clearly. She has said I'm a great husband, father, friend but she feels like she is more of a detriment to our S and I then good. A few nights ago she was sending text messages that she is so uncomfortable inside of her own skin. That small events such as birthday parties are unbearable. She feels like she can't make friends and especially small talk with other people. I know her anxiety is at an all time high. Especially after dumping the meds cold turkey. Lots of "garbage" bombarding her all the time. Flashbacks to the abuse, heart palpitations, etc. She has been going through bouts of extreme energy and days where she has none at all.
I want my wife to express her thoughts to me and be clear and precise. But in reality, her thoughts aren't even clear to herself so I must have no expectation. I believe I know what to do to ensure there is not a repeat of last night because I can't absorb the pain and also expect to be able to focus on the 37 steps. On one side, I want her to be away so she can focus on her issues, but on the other hand I want her to be here as well. In the end, the time away is a gift.
We also established some guidelines for when she will be with our S. The W will pick him up as usual after the sitters with the parameter that she will stay until his bedtime or until I get home from work. If she can't do either, we will utilize or normal sitter. No unannounced visits, but the W is welcomed to the house at any time. It would appear that the W will see him 3 times per week, but it will be a rather set schedule and I know our S likes consistency. Thanks for the advice purgatory.