Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers WAW roomate is telling me she is moving out..

KD...I'm too available. I feel that way too; Same sh!t, different day. I do see improvements in the way we are communicating.

After the kids are in the bed I go downstairs to unwind like I do every night. I like to watch a movie or TV alone in peace. Well my w has from the beginning of the week come downstairs to talk with me. She never sits on the couch with me. My w is too proud she sits on the arm of the couch.My w usually talks to be about logistics about where the kids will be. Anyways my w has started to tell me on Monday that she wants to sell the house and that I have to agree with her. Told my w that I do not want to sell the house. I want to keep a stable environment for the kids. My w stated that I am dragging my feet. I told my w if she does not feel comfortable in the house she can leave. I do want you to stay, but not as an adversary. My w was a bit dejected on Monday.

Monday my w tells me that she will be staying out all night with her friends on March 30th. I told her have fun please let the kids know what your plans are for that night. I'm pretty sure the OM will be spending the night with her. I have to get that thought out of my head. Still bothers me that she will not care for the kids and how they feel. yet I will be waking up to questions on that morning where is mom.

On Tuesday night I let my w know that I want to go away on vacation. I want to take my kids. I even asked my w if she wanted to come. I just think it would be a good escape for the kids and us. My w is mad that I would want to take my kids out of the country. I did not say this to fight. I have told my w that I have booked time off in april I want to go away, ideally with my kids. If you want to come , you are invited. My w is angry , she said I should never had kids with you. to I don't trust you with my kids. Yet my w is never home I am always with the kids. I responded to my wife's Angry feelings. I told my w can you remember ever saying anything nice to me in the last 2 months. I waited for her to respond. It took a good 3 mins. My w responded with I have told you are better with the kids. I told my w that I don't want to talk anymore. Can we pick this up on another day? I told her that I don't like the tone my w is using with me. We both went to bed.

My w was texting me a lot on Wednesday. random chatter. I was cordial and nice tried to share a few stories let her control the conversation flow and I leave to saw I have to go to a meeting.


Last night my comes down to talk with me again. My w seemed to have a bee in her bonnet. I told her that I did not feel like having a conversation tonight. I told my w that I was upset with the way the conversation went the other night. I told my w that we can schedule it for another night. My w left all in a huff. I just didn't feel like getting insulted or told I'm worthless anymore. I want my w and I to talk respectfully to each other. I know how I speak to her. I want the same respect. My w doesn't respect me hence why March 30 she will be spending it with the OM.

Can you see how when you remain detached, and lay out a boundary of "I won't be talked to this way; let's resume this later, when you're ready to speak more respectfully to me" ... she responds by reaching out to you, civilly?

GOOD JOB. I bet she does the same thing today, when you repeated your boundary.

A woman will often test a man, even subsconsciously, to see if the man will stand up for himself, lovingly. How you respond to these tests will make a difference in your relationship, over time, regardless of where your marriage ends up.

It also builds attraction.


Starsky

Starsky - I have been, more in the past, fearful of turning my w away. I was always fearful that she would walk away for good. I was actually believing My w's vile being spewed at me. I think I have come to that point when we, LBH, realize that we will be OK. It has taken we a while. But I actually believe that now. Fake it til you make it. By the way the weekend was great. No drama. We as a family watched a movie "Marley and me". My w, kids and I were all taking turns crying. My w seemed to be taking it little harder. The kids were trying to comfort my w. It has been a while since I have seen my w show any emotion. I don't want to get too optimistic. I need to stay the course.

Oh, god, I loved that movie! Cried like a baby, too! At the time it first came out in the theatres, not only did we have a white lab (whose name rhymed with "Marley"), but he was an older dog, and even though he was very healthy, the movie reminded us that "that day will come someday."

Sadly, we lost the ol' puppy last summer. I just watched the movie again on cable recently, with my granddaughter, and it was hard to watch.

You're absolutely right about reaching that "Hey, you know what? I'M GONNA BE OKAY!" moment.


Starsky

Last night while making dinner like I always do. My w arrived home and started to talking to me very direct and with out any friendliness. My w was preoccupied with Friday night. My w is going out and spending the night out with friends from work. My S has a hockey game on Friday at 4pm on the west end of the city. I am the coach of that team so I will not be able to look after my D. My w is in crisis mode. My MIL usually looks after the kids but since it is getting close to Easter, My MIL wants to go to Friday service. I told my w I will make arrangements to have my M look after my D. I called my M and arranged for her to take My d the whole Friday. That means My w will have to drop the kids off earlier on Friday morning. Only fair that she has to be a little inconvenienced. I let my w know what the plans were for Friday. My w was not happy but realized that it was a better option than utilizing her niece to look after our D for a few hours.

My w was still a bit snappy. I stopped her and said do you notice the way you speak to me. My w said that she wants to make sure things are done. I made arrangements for our D. I asked my w Do you hate me? My w said no. Do I repulse you? My w said no. Why did you state to me that you should not have had kids with me? My w said sorry and said that I frustrate her. I stated that you frustrate me as well but I respect you enough not to say hurt full things. My said that you use to say hurtful things. I agreed I was not best...but I am trying to change the way I am with everyone. My w said that she likes the changes in me but it is hard to see them when she can only remember all the Bad things.

The phone rang it was MIL. I left the room went upstairs. My w finished the call and came upstairs to talk some more. Light conversation and she asked if I wanted to come down and join the kids watching Americas funniest videos. I told her I will be down in a few mins.

I had a little set back on Easter. I asked my w to go to my parents with me and the kids. My w never said no. We were in the kitchen talking my kids were in the other room. My w then started that she wanted to state on her taxes that she was separated. I told her that she can do that if she gives me a separation agreement. My w stated that she is working on that. I stated that On my taxes I will still state that I am married.I should have not said that. I knew my w was agitated. My w raised her voice at me and said that we are not married. My S over heard my w's out burst and ran upstairs. I went to my s side and comforted him. My w got even more mad at me that I am an ahole. My s defended me and lashed out at my w. That he wants his mom and dad to be married. My s said that if my parents were not married I would not be borne. I told my s that both my w and I love him and that we did not mean for you to hear what we were saying. My w lashed out at me that I am brainwashing my s. My d told her mom that daddy is her prince.

I asked my w to stop with the negative comments and console our s. My w again stated that I brainwashed the kids. I stated I love my kids as you do. I shot back that if my w was ever home than my w could paint a rosy picture of D for the kids. I am just the ahole that looks after the kids while you are off living your fantasy. If I am such an ahole why am I am the one looking after the kids. My w shot back that where was I for the last 5 years. I lashed back that I bet my w that you don't even know what the kids like anymore...cause when you are here you are not even here with the kids.You are too busy with your Black berry. They were all stupid comments. After I said that apologized to my w. I stopped I did not want to escalate the talk while the kids were present. It was already bad enough. My w and I calmed the kids down.

I did not go to my parents. I felt bad taking my kids from their mother. I told my w that I don't want you to miss out on the kids. My w stated that she can not be in a relationship with any one. I said I understand. I don't want another R with anyone else. My w said to me that why do you still try I 'm not that special. I said you are to me.

We as a family had a nice peaceful night with the kids watching a movie together. My w actually put away her Blackberry. Bring out the 2X4.

\


There. Fixed it for you.


Starsky

Things have calmed down from Sunday. Mrs. Jekyll has been in my house the last 3 days. My w is pretending Sunday never happened. I have been carrying on as if... I will talk when my w wants to nothing before. I will be friendly not overt but not cold. I believe I am treading the water comfortably.

My d had an episode on Tuesday morning. My d does not like to be woken up by anyone except her dad. MIL tried to wake her and my d punched and split mil lip. When I got home, I picked up my D from MIL house. I had a talk with mu d and we discussed why it is bad to hit. While I was making dinner, My w(Ms. Hyde) showed up after work, Yelling and screaming at my d. I had to stop my w as my w yelled more my d was yelling back. I calmed the situation down. I convinced my d to come to the table and eat her dinner. My w was saying something about needing to get her to stop this behavior before my d starts school. I agreed with my w. I explained to my w that yelling at our d makes her yell and hit. I explained and showed her how I get my d to do what I ask. My w was still trying to show that she was in charge said to my d that my w is the boss. My d responded and said no Daddy is the boss. I corrected my d and stated that both mommy and daddy are the boss.

Wednesday Mrs Jekyll was home.

Sunday morning I was left the kids again. My w said she had to run some errands. I had to take my s to swimming and my d was with me. My w out of site and out of mind. I prepared the kids in outfits ready for Greek Easter Sunday. The plan was My w was suppose to be home after my s swimming she was not. I got the kids ready. My d looked so adorable in the dress I put on her. My s looked like me. I dropped the kids off at MIL house. I was sticking around as I wanted to make sure the kids were ok. My MIL insisted that I stay to eat. It was nice to see that I was warmly excepted by my w's family. My w showed up and was none too happy to see me. My w was a little agitated. My w tapped me on the shoulder and said can I speak with you. I told my w that its ok I was just getting ready to leave. I left and went to my b house. My w was texting me to see how I was.

I noticed today my w tax papers disappeared. I know my w wants to do her own taxes. I have no probelm with that. I just need a little communication regarding who is claiming what. Can she legally claim we are separated and still share the same bank account. We also share the same roof. I have not be server separation papers. Nor have I been sent divorce papers. I don't want to react...but this action is more annoying then making me angry. I know my w is trying to get under my skin. I believe that my w and I should be able to discuss the kids first and then we can discuss the monetary issues. oh well guess my w will be a firecracker tonight. I will not engage. I will not respond. I will think of the kids first.