Antonia....its ALL about my kid. My half of the money would be nice but if I take him to court its also going to push my son further away. Its not about xh. I havent spoken to him in over 2 yrs. I tried about a yr ago but as soon as he heard my voice he hung up. I was just trying to do this without making my son upset.
I took a stab in the wind HOPING xh would have finally settled down and would agree to pay his part. Because if i take him to court its just gonna cost him more. I guess I am just plain dumb.....my mom and dad divorced and they didnt act this bad.
This is NOT about MY NEED to talk to ex. Fig I appreciate your input but you are missing something or I am not coming across clearly. Let me say it again. My xh agreed to KEEP paying a payment to the IRS. It was written in the Divorce Settlement. I had no idea if he is still paying or not. ALL I DO KNOW is they are taking my refunds that I could use. My tax person/accountant/whatever you want to cal him stated that I would have to take my xh to small claims court to get my part back and in meantime they will take it.....nothing i can do. I said to him that xh was court ordered to make payments but I have no idea if he is making them....in if he is would make the total amount less. I can file this paper...YES i understand BUT I have to PAY the Sherriffs office to serve it. Dont know if you have to do that in your state or not. AND I HAD NO LAWYER and cannot afford one. Ok that IS WHY I tried to call and work something out. NOW....IF It comes down to taking my xh to court that is gonna give my son something else to say is MY FAULT and may look as if what is dad is telling him is right. SO I DONT WANT TO DO THAT> I wanted to work this out between us nicely. It is about my son. I dont care how many times you analyze it, or what you say in regards to that. It is all about my son! What has my son got to do with it. Well I will tell you. If I have to fight with xh in court. SON will be the one to suffer because he will be brainwashed ONCE again that I am the one to blame. This will only push him further away. I treid to do this just between xh and I but didnt work. SO in order to keep my son out of it, becuase his dad will put him in the middle like before....i am gonna pay it and forget it.
You know, I came to this board yrs ago and found help. I asked some pretty dumb questions and asked them repeatedly. Some of the people here have changed. Some such as Snodderly wont even post to me anymore and I have no idea why. She was so nice to me and now its like she will post her opinion to everyone but me. I thought this was a place to get help. I am not feeling that anymore. I am still struggling and instead of building me up and telling me to hang in there some of you are questioning me. I dont get it? I would never do that to anyone.
Why would I not tell you if I wanted to speak to my ex because it was for me? I have been honest before. Look at my posts. Just recently I spilled my heart here not worrying how much of an idiot I would look like. Why would I not just tell the truth? Its not about xh. I want peace for my son. I am in another rel and I dont want nothing but peace. Thought maybe he had change. but he hasnt. I want this peace for my son. If you all dont believe that then so be it. I am not explaining myself again. This is NOT a place to argue. Its a place to get help (or use to be). I am NOT the only divorced wife with an xh who is remarried. What is it? I mean really what is up with some of you questioning me??? and acting like I am lying?
I am not in a good place right now.
I am desperate to have my son back and will do anything for it. Its been too long. YEs he is an adult and YES It doesnt matter to me. Life is too short to miss time with your children. I will never stop being there for my son. I love him with all I have. I cant fb him.....he has me blocked. I have no email and have tried to get it. It got back to him I was trying and he just got angier. I even had a COP take his Christmas Presents....only to be returned. So sorry you all still think i am pinning away after my ex.
The questin was WHY cant my xh be civil enough to work this out out of court so son doesnt see another mess???? BUT never mind. XH is obviously still angry for whatever reason so I will eat the money. I will NOT have my xh dishing me to my son again. I will not let him put our son in the middle.
It to your X's (perceived) advantage to make you look like the bad guy. Waiting is hard, but you can't force or influence your son. You have to respect his choices now that he is an adult. In time he will probably come to resent his dad for bullying him.
Andabelle I understand that my son is an adult and I cant force him. That is why I dont try to get his number and call him. It would make him very upset. I cant pull him closer right now but I can certainly push him farther away.....hence not wanting to go to court with his dad.
What do you mean blame people for getting frustrated?
Hey sunshine. Something to consider: do what's best for your son and let the rest wash away. I don't think you need much help at this point but honestly, the important part is your son.
To do otherwise plays into your H's orchestration.
You didn't let your son go. He left. He chose. You can't change that now or at all. He has to change that. He will at some point, but you have to do what's best for him in the meantime.
When there is no action to take, take none.
Taking your husband to court? Why are you worried about that exactly? What happens if you take him to court? Do you think your son can't see? Do you think your son doesn't feel drawn to his mother? He just isn't ready yet. But your legal rights are yours to defend.
The consequences won't be worse, right? If anything, it will be more of the same. It might even be that your son will see things differently. It might be that you'll get what the court feels you deserve.
Do what's right for you at this point. Not what your H can twist against you. Not what you think your son will like or dislike. Kids are funny; they just want their parents to be happy. The rest doesn't mean much to them.
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
Thanks AJ. To answer your question about me worrying about taking xh to court. I dont want to give son anymore reason to stay away longer. You see my son was with me in the beginning and I had to ask him to stay with his dad for awhile because I couldnt even get him out of his room....no college job. His dad always had all the respect as far making son do things. So I knew if son stayed with me he would not do anything with his life. I sent him to his dads for awhile but the longer son was there the less he talked to me. My xh has a BIG influence on my son. There was a couple times I took stuff to son at his house and my son would get scared if I even pulled in the driveway with NO ONE home but him. He has heard his dad talk saying I am crazy, told son things like get away from me. My xh is justifying leaving me by saying those things to son. With that said...if I take my xh to court, he will just use this to show son I am STILL trying to cause trouble. They totally have tried to make my son believe that his dad HAD to leave. My son has even said to me you made dad leave because he couldnt live with you any longer. So there ya go. I cant win. My son needs more time I know. BUT it is so hard to miss out on the important things in his life. I live within 10 miles prb less and cant even talk to him. Very sad! It makes me upset here because people think I am using som to talk to h. That is not the case at all. I have went many months not talking to h. I dont try anymore, well except for trying to get money that belongs to me without being trashed to my son.
My ex is also one who will try to influence the kids to disown/hate me. It is an extremely painful place to be in. I understand not wanting to take him to court due to the impact it will have on the children. Only you know what the right move is. Prayers to you
Trusting
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
