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Renee

You are not being civil when they have repeatedly asked you not to contact them and you repeatedly do

you did not have to contact them about this bill

you just need to file a civil claim in court to get your money back from him

to call his wife was both disrespectful and unnecessary. She wasn't going to fix it for you and she isn't going to try to make your life easier

you aren't being civil when you aren't respecting someone's wishes

it would be if I asked you repeatedly to not use a specific word around me because I found it offensive and repeatedly used it and then made excuses for it...there is no excuse...I asked you not to and you kept doing it

it is unfortunate that he can't be more in line with how you would like it to be
but it just isn't that way

no amount of wishing it could be will make it so
and
definitely no amount of trying to force it to be that way will make it so either

Thanks for the replies.

1....It cost money to get a Lawyer and I can NOT afford that. AND I HAVE to have a Lawyer....been informed.

2. BH....I have NO OTHER WAY to contact my son. He lives with his dad and step mom. I have NO phone number, NO email. Only know where he lives. If I have to contact son in ANY way, no better what it is, I would HAVE to go thru his dad.

I did NOT want to call ow BUT could not get xh to call me back AND I was trying to do this without it costing ME money.

Hindshight is you ALL are RIGHT. It came to NO good.
Also I do NOT REPEATEDLY contact them. I have not tried to talk to either one of them in a LONG while. I ONLY do so IF I have no choice. I DO NOT want to talk to them. BUT I would if it helped my son.
BH WHY are you so insistent that I WANT to talk to ex???? Its like you wont let go of that idea. I ONLY want to talk to son. If it means eating crow then I will.
I know it would help son sooooo much if he thought his mom and dad could get along. Wouldnt you? I hate this for him.
Its not like I want to have a family meeting.

Renee, Answer me 1 question. How many times have you talked to your son after trying to talk to XH? I can answer it for you, ZERO. So why do you keep doing it? You sitting there saying there is no other way is silly. Get an email address from one of his friends, or a cell number, or send him a message via facebook. I don't see what a debt from a divorce decree had anything to do with your son...... Renee, you are going to have to accept the idea that your XH doesn't want to speak to you under any circumstances. Do yourself a favor and give him what he wants.

Renee
your son also said he didn't want to talk to you

sometimes you have to accept things

this phone call had nothing to do with your son
and
everything to do with you contacting your ex and then even his new wife?!?!?!?!?!

I have never heard of needing an attorney to file a civil suit since the paperwork to do so is free and online. You simply need to fill it out. You can also fill everything out and then go see an attorney for a fee consultation (which every attorney does) and have all your questions ready...get them all answered for free that way.

Your son knows how to contact you
write him a letter and mail it and then




let him contact you

he is an adult now...respect his decisions

Figg thanks for your reply.
As far as my son goes....he is so afraid of his dad getting upset at him.
Right after xh moved out, son went to stay with him. I would have to drop something off to son (and did so when no one was there except son), and I would barely get in the drive (no intentions of getting out), and son would say hurry mom I dont want dad to get mad.
So I know this is some of the reason why son doesnt speak to me.
If he knew his dad and I could be decent to one another, it would help him. He doesnt want to make his dad mad, so in turn, he acts toward me the same. He doesnt think he has a choice. Now I know you are thinking he is an adult, and he is, but you have NO IDEA how BIG an infulence his dad has on him.
So thats why I say if his dad and I could be decent to one another, it would help son. Son thinks he doesnt have a choice.
I am just trying so hard to make things better for son and I. I thought maybe because it had been so long (over a yr.)since I tried to speak to husband that he would maybe just maybe be decent enough to speak to me AND in turn son would see we CAN get along.....we will ALWAYS be his mom and dad.
It kills me to think how my son must feel. I mean really, knowing your mom and dad cant even speak to each other. It was just us 3 for many many years. It just tears me up inside for my son.
As far as court. I talked to the Distrct Court Office and they informed me that there was a filing fee and a fee to have it served. I dont have money right now. I only work part time. I just started school. I really do NOT need to go to court. PLUS if xh would use his head he wouldnt want me to take him.

Renee

Also. As for writing son a letter. I sent Christmas and Birthday Presents and they got RETURNED! So there ya go. I cant even email him. I dont want to call him (dont have his number anyway), I dont want to push son further away. He is my only child. Can you not imagine how I feel?

I can imagine how you feel. And I think you are between a rock and a hard place. This will be the hardest bit of detaching ever.

Leave your alt universe page open to the public. Wish him Happy birthday on there, and Merry Christmas. Your status updates will be there for him to see. Send your nice thoughts out into the universe. He is an adult. He will check on you. Just let him come to you when he is ready.

Take care, thanks for the friend request!

there is a form that you can fill out that is a fee waiver form

it is called an in forma pauperis

if you don't have enough money for the filing fee etc, you can fill out one of these forms and the judge can chose to have the fees waved

I thought you said you HAD to have an lawyer
then you agreed you didn't but you HAD to pay a filing fee

If this were me, I'd pay whatever I had to to take care of this myself. Like if there were taxes XH owed and I was getting the brush-off, or if it was making my life more contentious or bothersome to try to get him to pay what he owed, I'd rather just pay what he owed myself in order to leave him out of it. Even if I needed to borrow the money from a family member. I'd just not deal with him. I've done this a few times before. It was easier to just go without something for a few months to find the money to pay for something than to try to deal with XH.

Technically I am doing this year. I expect to owe a lot on my income tax because when I took over the mortgage, it was only in April, and despite paying out most of my mortgage to interest every month, I still didn't hit the magic number to itemize. So I'm looking at owing around 1200.00 that I don't really have to put out.

XH and I were still on our mortgage together for Jan. to April last year. He did not pay one cent of the mortgage though we were not divorced yet. I took over all of it then. The only way I can "claim" that interest is if he and I file a partial year joint return. THEN, I would hit the number to itemize and not owe nearly so much. But the thing is, I would rather pay the money out all by myself, even though it's not "fair", to avoid dealing with the anxiety of having to deal with him.

My sanity is more important than money. I don't care anymore about the "principle" of right vs. wrong; I only care about what gives me the most peace. So even if I'm paying what he should pay, I don't care. I find the money and pay it and move on.

I don't know how much you're talking about paying out here, but have you considered just covering it yourself in order to detach even more?

As for the relationship with the son, I hear you when you say that you really think that your son would benefit from seeing his parents get along. Well you can't force someone to get along with you and repeated attempts to try to connect are only probably making him angrier or more set in his ways. If you let it go you are letting your son know that you are accepting of the outcome. You don't have to like the outcome to accept it. But if every thing you do keeps blowing up in your face, you have to stop lighting the fuse, so to speak, and just let everything up to the universe or god or whatever you have faith in that it will all work out :-)

PS...I hear you, believe me, on the money issue. I live in the same house XH and I owned, and the income is less than half now. I am paycheck to paycheck for the first time ever since I was in my 20s, and it's a small house and I've got a 6 year old car. I can't afford vacation anymore, and I have to really watch as some months I have to spend more than I make just to cover the basic bills if one of my cats is sick or has complications due to aging. I know what it's like to really struggle with money--but like I said, my emotional health is more important than anything. So I have worked extra ever since XH left--I teach beyond my contract and do freelance work, and all that money basically covers my vet bill expenses or house repairs--it doesn't go to me. Sometimes I have used it to cover the expense of "not" dealing with XH. It stinks, but it's worth it to not have the aggravation. Maybe if your money is super tight you can look into working something part-time just a few hours a week. I never thought that with a graduate degree as a full prof I'd have to work more than my full-time job, but sometimes we don't have a choice, unfortunately.

I hope you can find some peace in your situation soon.