Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Ease on down the road....

I asked him because I honestly was confused as to what he was trying to do.

I do feel like the crumbs he throws me aren't enough and I stick by that. But what I plan on doing about it, I don't know.

Hey DG, I hit the i year the 17th of next month. Woo Hoo, not an anniversary I ever thought I would have. Crazy life.

But I needed that bomb to stop me in my tracks and allow me take a long hard look at my part in things. I played the victim for far too long.

I can say that on many levels my life is so much better today.

the i should be a 1-geesh!

LA- I completely agree with you. I also needed the wake up call to realize that sh+t in my life had to change, and it needed to start now. I can't say that I appreciate the circumstances that woke me up, but I am glad I got the wake up.
In many, many ways my life is so much better. I am very grateful for that.

Journaling--

I get notified by the court today that H would like to stop the summons from being dismissed.
What an awesome, awesome guy. Didn't even have the b*lls to tell me.

I'm done.

I'm so sorry DG. That [censored] but why should he start acting sane now? I have court next Wednesday. I can relate to being done, just wish "it" was done:-(

Praying for you and your family.

DG, I posted something similiar in Val's thread. After reading yours.... I am looking for a DB way of saying you've done enough, you've hurt too much, frack that AH perhaps this fits.

Awhile back in another thread on this board my conception of self focus was challenged. Not overtly, rather the posters response caused some introspection.

The thought was if I am dark for me, GAL for me, changing for me then isn’t all the focus on self counterproductive to focusing on the relationship. My truth in my sitch is the relationship no longer exists. It died months before the bomb, and the antagonistic run up to the bomb served only my partners justifications for her decision.

Her delays in moving forward were IMO representative of her fear of change. The anger and venom she spewed represented that fear serving to further justify her decision in her mind. Her delays were also a gift of time to me. Not to rescue the relationship, rather to rescue self. Of course I held out hope that each delay represented an opportunity to say or do just the right thing. These were false hopes and wasted energy so bent to her course was she.

What I am attempting to say is if you are 70 to 80 percent sure you have done what you could and remained true to yourself and your directions then go forward without regret. Focus on you and what brings you bliss. Keep on keeping on, to borrow a phrase.

He will act as he has; he will spew what he spews for it is all part of his path that he must walk as he does. He cannot be controlled. This is his part, his role in this drama until he decides to change.

None of us will perceive a brighter future if we are focusing upon the past. Face forward, lean in, move, your future is ahead of you.

JS-

I do agree, I have done all that I could to try and save my M, and I have to make peace with that. I think I will, in time, but not at the moment.

I know in time I will be ok, and in a lot of ways I already am fine, there is just a little more coming to terms that needs to be done.

I still do agree with MWD's principles and think they can work, but no marriage can be saved by one person. Both parties have to be willing and my H wasn't willing.

There are a lot of questions that I have that I need to be ok with not knowing the answers, and that is how life goes sometimes.

I haven't talked to H and I have no desire to. I think it is better this way.

DG

Sorry to hear about the recent developments. Our own rollercoaster can be soo crazy, we don't even realize our WAS are on their own.. until our own ride has calmed down.

I think it's smart to let your H ride his rollercoaster alone.



I feel exactly the same way. IMO - it's a huge step in the right direction... for both of us.

For me, going dark is not a tactic. It's not about showing w how it feels when she stopped talking to me.

It's about me and getting myself emotional stable. It's getting away from the situation to heal for a bit.

And in going dark, I have learned so many things about myself and my w that I couldn't learn by responding and reacting. Things I couldn't learn when I was constantly picking at my open wound.

I hope "going dark" will bring similar things for you. I have a feeling that it will.

((( )))

Hey DG, how are you doing? Haven't heard from you in a couple days, just checking in on ya! Hope all is well as can be.