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haha.. thanks rick! but spring break isn't actually for another couple of weeks! this weekend is just his biweekly visitation w/ the kids.

Aaaah i see ...ours is this week so i assumed yors the same...got protective and jumped the gun. Promise you and kids have a good weekend!

it's rainy. what can you expect from raincouver. oh well. plans for browsing through thrift shops w/ gf still on the menu.

i miss the kids. wondering what they're going to do today. had to look at a million pictures and watch video clips of them before i went to bed last night. D2 is growing up so fast that whenever i come home from a weekend away, she seems to have changed! on days like these i think.. how can H stand to be away from them so much?

a little sad today. today i can't even remember what it feels like to have H love me. i don't remember what if feels like to have love and affection.. or have that connection with someone. H and i use to have this way of saying i love you without actually saying it (by blinking at each other.. i know it sounds stupid). i remember the action.. i don't remember what it felt like doing the action. that's what's making me sad.

i better get up and start my day. if i dwell i will be a teary mess. refocus on the here and now. continuing working on becoming the person i want to be. *sigh*

"""how can H stand to be away from them so much? ""

I ask myself this all the time. It is so odd, how husband says he want to be a great dad yet can walk away like this.

"a little sad today. today i can't even remember what it feels like to have H love me. i don't remember what if feels like to have love and affection.. or have that connection with someone. H and i use to have this way of saying i love you without actually saying it (by blinking at each other.. i know it sounds stupid). i remember the action.. i don't remember what it felt like doing the action. that's what's making me sad."

Agree^^^^^. Not that we used to blink at each other, but we had our own special 'way' too. Try to enjoy yourself, even though you miss the babies. I know what you mean about them changing so quickly- I came home and saw the baby asleep I'd swear he grew in the 2 weeks I was gone!

Sending you good vibes for thrift store finds!!!
(((BF)))

Barely....i know what u mean about forgetting what its like to be loved...or to be in love. I cant even really imagine that with my W. When she needs help i can feel the old instincts kicking in but now that im taking care of my life i wont allow myself to go there.

i had such a great day!! played personal shopper for my gf by picking out stuff she would not normally pick out for herself but she ended up loving! we didn't do the multiple thrift shops in the funky area of town (it was pouring and then turned to slushy rain!) but went to a thrift store that was closing out and everything %50 off! ended up buying 3 pairs of jeans, a skirt and a dress for the kids.. and bought myself a pair of jeans and 2 tops (one w/ tags still on!) all for $16!! totally thrilled!

afterwards, headed over to my nice stable friend's place. played w/ her kids.. chatted w/ her H.. interesting conversation w/ him. her H has known my H for the entire length of our M. he was at my H's bachelor party etc. tonight he says to me.. "you know i love you right?" i'm thinking.. ok, he's going to tell me to smarten up because H is never going to come to his senses etc. but what he says is this.. "you know there's going to come a point where he asks to come home". i mentioned that i really didn't see H showing any signs of remorse for leaving or any indication that he wanted to come home.

anyway, he is convinced that my H will eventually want to come home because he feels H hasn't thought through the financial ramifications.. the long term effects etc.. how i can make a whole lot more money then him.. wow. i really wasn't sure why he seems so convinced of this because i just don't see it.

my gf and i ended up at a coffee shop after her kids went to bed. over coffee she says.. hey, do you want to go on a date w/ K when we're in victoria? this is a guy who i had recently mentioned i had thought was super cute at their wedding. i suddenly got all nervous!! part of me thinks.. heck ya! he's still super cute and i would totally love to feel that excitement again. but a big part of me is so scared because i don't think i'm ready to go there yet or do something i may regret. i am still hoping for a positive outcome here! eek!

2 more sleeps until i see my kids! i will be so happy to see them but, after fridays interaction w/ H, am nervous to see if he has another big bomb. i better put my DB armour back on before stepping through that door....

What would you think if the situation was reversed? You were separated and H had been standing for the marriage but then decided to go out with someone else?

I don't now the answer, just asking.

Sounds like you had great success at the thrift store!!

As far as your friend's H- don't discredit his thoughts about H wanting to come home at some point, but don't put all your hopes on his statement either. He's a guy, your H is a guy- we all know that they think differently that women do, so maybe he sees something that you never could. I have become convinced that the 'higher power' puts people in our path when we're ready or need to hear their message.... remember 2thepoint's W visitor in the hospital- that was just too interesting to be a coincidence.

Labug gave you a great question to think about- you don't have to tell us, here on the board, your answer but it's something you should answer for yourself. I've been thinking about that as well, and I've a few opportunities to take advantage of a date. I would love to get a little confidence back from the flattery from a man... but I have decided for myself- that as long as I want to save my M, I will remain faithful. I know that there is nothing that has already been done that *I* can't forgive, but I can't predict if H would be so forgiving if we were to ever reconcile.... it comes down to the fact that I can can control my actions and my reactions to the events of this sitch- I can't assume that H will do the same.

2 more days until you see your babies... that's 2 more days to GAL for yourself!! How's your plans for the boudoir photos coming?? I know that I had a great time playing around with lingerie that I would NEVER normally wear.... and I got a great satisfaction knowing that H might see them one day!

BF - I have not posted in a few days and just finished catching up. I can see that you've had some ups and downs. I know how that goes. Your thought above ^^^^^^ doesn't sound stupid at all. I am sure a lot of us can relate. I do as well. It's so sad, that I try not to think about it, specially if I think that H is getting all the affection that he wants and needs somewhere else.

Anyways, I am glad that you are busy lining up GAL activities - keep it up.

As for what your H is up to... Don't worry about it. If there is something brewing, you will find out sooner or later. So why think about it? Just go about your business and enjoy your time!