Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers VALENTINE'S DAY DO'S AND DON'TS

Ok so my Valentines Day was NOT what I expected! ALL YOU DBers out there read and follow: HAVE NOOO EXPECTATIONS!!!! Also, if ur WAS is being the biggest A-hole look at it like this: keep this moment in a little box. When WAS changes, take that ugly moment out and compare it.

On my bday July 24, I was 2 days away from giving birth. I put together my own bday party. At the bakery I cried when the woman said, you shOuldnt be buying your own cake. 6 days later I discovered his PA n EA.

Today, I was extremely surprised. I got flowers, a super nice text, my favorite chocolate(!!!) AND dinner!! We had a great dinner! We both ate FAST cuz my 6mos old was fussy. He carried her (fussy n all) so I could finish. I gave him a watch. He loved it! He rushed to take us home. I wantEd to backslide but I didn't. Kept my mouth shut. He helped me get our 3yo to bed. I asked if he was in a rush n he said yes. Silence. On his drive away he called to check in w me. Told me he needed to talk to his parents and just wanted to let me know. I just took it for what he said n it felt good. I never asked or made him feel as though he needed to tell me. Today was a good day.

That sounds great. I am proud of that you did not say anything when he rushed out. Trust me, I know it's hard, but sometimes its for the best.

How wonderful. Glad it was surprising in a good way! You showed a lot of restraint in not letting his positive actions lead you into a backslide. And it worked! Good thing to keep in mind for all of us.

Mimi

Oh my gosh!!! That is priceless!! Not his reaction but your timing.

I was feeling apprehensive about Valentine's Day, and telling myself it's just another day, I'll get through it. No expectations, or rather, expectation of nothing. However, I have two teenage boys who I love to pieces and want to be the best role model for them that I can. I think the day went well, better than expected, and no harm done.

I decided to buy a big heart-shaped box of chocolates for us all - no card, no specific gifts or wishes, just, it's Valentines day, let's eat a box of chocolate! For H, without making it overt, I vacuumed all the dog hair off the floors, plus the great mess of fluff dog pulled out of his toys in the living room, and washed and put away all signs of dishes, and all paper off the kitchen table so the house really looked like company could come over. Took time off work to do it. Also cooked roast beef for dinner. Partly because I'm me, and partly because of the sitch, I opened the chocolates and ate three of them before the kids even got home. Then we all shared some and talked about which ones we liked the most, had a good time. Then the roast was done so we stood around the kitchen island picking at it and more chit-chatting.

H came home in a bit of a bad mood, like the old days pre-bomb. First thing he did was yell at S11 about slamming the kitchen door, making him demonstrate that he can close the door without slamming. Huh? Ok... Then he fussed at S14 about something and went upstairs, leaving us to our yummy roast. However, not long later, H came down, ate and was pleasant, and ate some chocolates.

I invited everyone to the gym but no one wanted to go, so I went off and took a Zumba class. When I got home I found that S14 and H went to the store and got me a card signed by the kids and two bunches of carnations, my favorite! I was very pleased and yelled thanks up the stairs.

My take on it was that H was likely feeling apprehensive about the day too, and feeling like there were expectations of him that he wasn't going to meet since he's "nilwy". What he got from us was no pressure, no fussing, but we certainly weren't ignoring the holiday ourselves and we welcomed him to join in without making a big deal of it.

I still think we're going to end up divorced, but yesterday was a good day. A good life is made of one of those, then another, then another. I'm content.

Adinva- that's awesome! Flowers! N a card!
I like it that you Cleaned the house. That always puts me in a good mood.

Yeah, clean house is nice. Very big deal that the card was signed! Past years I've gotten them unsigned so they can be reused. I did not marry a romantic.

Lol!!