Like she came up on your porch and stole your fern ?
Or like she is stealing your hope ?
I read it too, and the first time, I was a little "put off". Then I read it again, and I removed her anger from her perspective, and it really isn't anything different than what you read here.
The changes HAVE to be real. And they have to be because YOU need to make them.
You aren't gonna talk your way out of something you acted your way into....
And that it is gonna take time and consistent actions to earn that trust back...if it can ever come back.
It's not rocket science, the steps are laid out. The daily struggle is to follow the steps...consistently.
If it hurts you more, it could be because a lot of what she says comes really close to home.
She just laid it out in a different perspective than you are used to reading here.
No, disamyed in the sense that this is all pretty new to me still and I place a fair amount of faith in what some say here. If she had swiped a plant I would be pissed - there is a differnce. Well maybe not the fern...
Hope? Nah nothing like that I can assure you. Purely academic question.
"I read it too, and the first time, I was a little "put off". Then I read it again, and I removed her anger from her perspective, and it really isn't anything different than what you read here."
^^^thats the stuff right there. The WAW perspective is waaay new for me and I honestly believe it is a requisite part of my journey.
Me: 44 Bomb: 11/27/11 Divorced:6/12 Life goes on: 6/13
I think that you have to keep a certain perspective when you read it though.
That is only one perspective that she can speak from, and it is hers.
Maybe we view that as her being extremely angry ? But you know what ? Those are her feelings. I'm really glad she shared them with us. She certainly painted a not too pretty picture of the role the LBS played.
That is one of a million ways that a spouse could walk away.
Your marriage could be facing exactly that, maybe more extreme, maybe less extreme.
That is why it is best to focus on what you feel your role in this is.
Maybe we view that as her being extremely angry ? But you know what ? Those are her feelings. I'm really glad she shared them with us. She certainly painted a not too pretty picture of the role the LBS played.
My WAW is incredibly angry, so her words struck a "chord".
Me: 44 Bomb: 11/27/11 Divorced:6/12 Life goes on: 6/13
I'm having trouble determining which post you guys are talking about... but I think my perspective is a bit skewed, as well...
I found it VERY enlightening to hear WAS perspectives. And once I got out of the "poor me" thoughts, it really made sense and I really empathized. But... I had to admit to myself that my M was pretty... shotgun... I wanted to be M and I wanted children. I liked my W but wasn't initially interested in her. I "learned" to love her. I had misgivings at the wedding. But... I made my bed and I'm pretty stubborn, that way.
So I lived with it. I was committed to "it" and I was committed to my W... but eventually, the love went away. From an emotional perspective, it was more of a FWB thing. And there was the fear and the failure that I did not want to deal with. So I believed that I was doing the right thing. And tbh... being dumped sux... so it hurt (a lot of old triggers kicked in) and it took me a while to accept it.
Anyhow, what I'm saying is, get to know the WAS perspective. They really do believe what they are saying. At least in the moments. Yes, it might be laced with a lot of black and whites and never's and always's... but they believe it. And I believe that if we can empathize with that and validate those feelings and beliefs... and ACCEPT them... it will take us a long way to understanding and doing the DB work...
Okay, boys, I'm turning this back on you. Consider this part of my process of looking at MY own flaws. And as far as I'm concerned, you can't be too honest.
Consider this part of my process of looking at MY own flaws. And as far as I'm concerned, you can't be too honest.