Purg, I applaud you for setting boundaries! As hard as it seems, your H needs to start seeing the consequences of his decision. H needs to see that his plan is not as perfect as it might seem in his head. The cake eating needs to stop!
Btw, you did amazing staying composed! I have moments where I just want to speak my mind, then take a deep breath and think "DB".
Can we start taking turns kicking our WAS's? Maybe one of us will be able to knock some sense into them?
I'm super impressed with myself that I didn't blow up on him at any point- b/c there were a few times I normally would have and not felt at all guilty!! This should make detaching *that* much easier....
Look how far you've come in such a short time. Great job Purg. I'm feeling for you.
I am glad your enjoyed my last non DB rant. I wanted to add you did amazing!!
I know in Laura Munson book she gave her husband some list of boundaries. Does anyone know where that list came from?
I think you are doing a great job in very tough sitch. I think the two weeks you are away will be a wake for your H. You have a very hard job raising two kids and I hope your H can see that. I know my H says "I want to spend as much time as I can with the kids" but then does everything he can to hand them off to me. Its kind of ridiculous.
You never know what will wake 'em. Just be as sweet as pie until he awakes
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
Your H is such a good guy. Look at how he is willing to let you stay on his medical insurance. What's the big deal that he is walking out on a 20 month old baby? Who leaves a 20 month old; what is your husband a basketball player or rock star?
No he's a soldier so in his mind, same thing though! :p *badaboom-cha*
Pur: I'm so sooooo sorry. Just when things started to sound like they may be looking up.. poof... down they go. (((hugs))))
Thinking of you, lady. I'm so proud of you. Let this sink in for him.
M & H 25 T 9 D 7 S 4 Bomb 11/11 Confused about feelings for me. Bomb 12/11 ILYBNILWY, moved out 2-1-12 We're exclusive & dating each other. 3-4-12 H moved back in. 3-31-12 I deserve better. I'm done
H came over after work to pick up the boys.... He barely said 2 words to me, except to ask where the diaper bag was for the baby.
I walked out of the room, and I saw him check me out (in the reflection of a painting).
He came home, packed the kids an was gone all in about 15 minutes.... It felt so strange to not be connected to him in any way.
I guess he's detached.... And I am too- because I didn't get hurt (just confused).
M-31, H-31 T-9, M-7 S-6, s-20mth sep 8/1/11 ILYNILWY 11/29/11 Creating separation papers. Discover H has feelings for BFF, she does too 1/11/12 H moves out 1.20.12
My H is also such a good guy (!!) and SO sorry for doing this to us - some of the time. The rest, he's just cold, pissed-off and can't get away from us quickly enough.
Today he dropped by to pick up a school bag S13 had forgotten and stopped on the door step just long enough to tell me about the great meal he cooked last night at his buddy's house.
I'm struggling to put a meal on the table for the 3 of us each night after a full day's work and dropping-off and picking-up two kids from school, as well as looking after a 12-week-old puppy, plus cleaning the house, washing the clothes, keeping the yard, driving everyone everywhere, and so on.
But gee, Jenno really likes H's lamb shaslicks with couscous. And they'd be great for getting D16 to take for school lunch too!!!!!!
Bklyn, line this one up for a drubbing too, would ya?
I won't be posting for a bit. But I wanted to remind you that in terms of your course of action and your personal work on yourself and your GAL/180s
this apparent decision of his, (which is not written in stone)
CHANGES NOTHING...why would it?
B/C your DB efforts have not yet paid off in a direct overt way?
I think they have. Not enough yet, I agree.
But HE is second guessing himself which may be why he's moving forward...
still takes a YEAR there to get a D.
So you keep right on working on the zen purg and check out Autumn Leave's post about that retreat/workshop. She got a lot out of it.
And YOU stay on course.
You're hurt and I get that. But your PATH REMAINS THE SAME...as long as You want to work on the m.
But YOU decide that.
Keep on keeping on!
((( )))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
NLW- sorry you're getting the same treatment.... I wouldn't wish this on anyone!
25- thanks for taking time to post to me before you take a break (much needed after all the advice you give to us newbies Its good to be reminded that this isn't the end, yet. I loose sight of that all the time. It's hard to imagine that his thoughts/feelings could ever change... But then again, 3 months ago he said 'I love you', 2 months ago he said 'I'm done', 1 month ago he said I'm ready to start dating- even though those are all negative changes- they are *still* changes: HIS changes. MY changes: 3 months ago I loved him, 2 months ago I begged and cried, 1 month ago I got angry but didn't loose my temper... I change too.
It's a simple math equation: a+b will always equal c (old perg+ H= D) BUT if you just change *one* factor, the outcome has to be different: new purg+H= ???
M-31, H-31 T-9, M-7 S-6, s-20mth sep 8/1/11 ILYNILWY 11/29/11 Creating separation papers. Discover H has feelings for BFF, she does too 1/11/12 H moves out 1.20.12
NLW- sorry you're getting the same treatment.... I wouldn't wish this on anyone!
25- thanks for taking time to post to me before you take a break (much needed after all the advice you give to us newbies Its good to be reminded that this isn't the end, yet. I loose sight of that all the time. It's hard to imagine that his thoughts/feelings could ever change... But then again, 3 months ago he said 'I love you', 2 months ago he said 'I'm done', 1 month ago he said I'm ready to start dating- even though those are all negative changes- they are *still* changes: HIS changes. MY changes: 3 months ago I loved him, 2 months ago I begged and cried, 1 month ago I got angry but didn't loose my temper... I change too.
It's a simple math equation: a+b will always equal c (old perg+ H= D) BUT if you just change *one* factor, the outcome has to be different: new purg+H= ???
good analysis...
it sort of is like math, or at least it helps us to Keep It Simple MUCH of DBing is super hard, I know...but it isn't actually that complicated.
we over think and obsess. So keep it simple.
Know what I mean?
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
