Half of her time is spent longing to see him again.
This one's tough... I have similar issues with my W. While she doesn't have "an OM" she has this belief of what life will be like with the OM when she finds him. It's almost harder to fight the "phantom OM" because while a real OM is who he is, warts and all, the phantom OM is who she wants him to be straight off the cover of a romance novel.
In your case... while there's a real OM, during the interlude periods I'm sure she "forgets" the warts and only thinks about the high points.
Married 6 together 8 Me:38 W:31 second marriage for both SS12, SD10, S6 Bomb: 9/8/11 (day before our 5 yr ann) W moved out: 2/18/12 D final: 11/12/12 Share S 50/50. Spend as much time as I can with SS & SD
WHG, I'm sure you're right. It's just so hard to compete with. I talk to my DB coach on Tuesday so that's good at least. She usually helps me see positives and such. This time though I've made no progress and I feel like the relationship has regressed. So we will see what ideas she has I guess. I feel that if my ex would SEE me or talk to me things may could change for the better but there seems to be no hope of that at the moment. No contact today so I'm sticking with the plan for now at least.
Ok so we had a tiny bit of contact on NYE. I initiated a text message and got some very pleasant responses. We didn't talk much bc I knew she was with OM but all her responses were positive. I let her have the last text and I didn't respond because she quit asking questions. I think it is a positive that she will text with me some even when she is with OM. Today, she's back from her extended visit to his home 6 hours away. Even though it's crazy, it's good to know that she's back in our hometown and not with him at the present time.
Had another nice coaching session yesterday. We came up with a small plan of action. I have been feeling like if I'm going to have any chance of moving forward with my ex, then i need some face time. She's been saying that she will come by and see the dogs, etc, etc, for a few weeks, but hasn't made it by. So, we made a plan that I will take them to a park or something and let my ex know that I will be there and when and invite her to stop by. Hopefully, she'll say yes, but I've got to be prepared for the very real chance she says no or doesn't show up. That's ok. Depending on her response to my invitation, I can determine whether to extend another invitation in the future. I'm trying to decide whether to do it for this weekend, or what. I'll be out of town next weekend so that's out. It will be fairly cold this weekend, maybe like 55 degrees or so, so outside activities may not be the most comfortable. I do feel though, that it gives her a chance to see me on "neutral turf" so to speak. She can come if she wants, leave when she pleases and hopefully we can just have a nice time without talking about our R or anythign like that. Any thoughts on this from anyone?
Sounds like a solid plan, just got to make sure if she says no, you don't let it stop you from GAL.
Yeah, I realize there is a strong possibility that she will say no. I'm going to be there regardless and will have a good time. It's not going to put a damper on my day. Sure, I hope she shows up, but there isn't anything I can do but ask. Thanks for checking in CO1978!
Getting ready to head to IC this morning. I'm going to run the idea about giving my ex a chance to see me by my IC and see what he thinks about it. I know I'm not supposed to have expectations, etc, but for the last two days I've been nervous about it. I want Sunday to be the day we try this since the weather is supposed to be nicest. The whole thing makes me really nervous though. I really don't expect her to come so I don't know why I'm so worked up over it. Anyway, thanks for all the support guys! Advice is always appreciated.
That's what I plan to do. I didn't ask her to come, I told her I was going to be there and she was welcome to come. She said she would be there barring something unforeseen which is her out I guess. I hope she's there but it will still be fun if she isn't. We had a nice conversation today and I told her about some new things I'd been trying. Later on fb she posted an article about relationships which was very in line with some of the things I've been doing. I didn't talk to her at all about relationships of course. I just thought that was interesting.
Not to bash you with a 2x4, but didn't you say you wouldn't keep checking her FB?
Since you checked her FB, you might as well take advantage of it. It could be a good thing for you to use article to fine tune yourself, since the article is probably what she is wanting out of a relationship.
M 33 W 29 S 4 M 5 T 7 11/7/11 Separation, W moves in with parents 12/1/11 W: "IDLY, I'm not coming back, it's over" 1/7/12 D Bomb Dropped
