Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis Tad's Overdue Update

Tad, I haven't been posting much lately, and never really much in MLC. But I have lurked your thread, I think because you are so honest with your pain and thoughts.

Life's a trip isn't it?

Here are some lyrics that seem to make sense. My best advice is to simply remove yourself from the drama. Breath. Smile and live. Peace man.

Delusional, I believed I could cure it all
For you dear
Coax or trick or drive or
Drag the demons from you
Make it right for you, Sleeping Beauty
Truly thought I could magically heal you

Far beyond a visible
Sign of your awakening
Failing miserably to rescue
Sleeping Beauty

Drunk on ego
Truly thought I could make it right
If I, kissed you one more time to
Help you face the nightmare,
But you're far too poisoned for me
Such a fool to think that I could
Wake you from your slumber
That I could actually heal you

Sleeping Beauty
Poisoned and hopeless

Far beyond a visible
Sign of your awakening
Failing miserably to
Find a way to comfort you
Far beyond a visible
Sign of your awakening,
Hiding from some poisoned memory

Poisoned and hopeless
Sleeping Beauty

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RZIXGLGFWNQ

Tad

Not sure if you still don't/cant' see this but, YOU can speed up the process.

In fact, only you can.

I don't have an opinion on you dating, or what a 25 y/o offers you beyond an ego boost. (I say that with sincerity b/c I have 5 brothers and 2 divorced...they dated younger women.

One brother at age 43 married a woman who's 34...and they're happy, etc.

My oldest brother dated a 24 y/o when he was 47, and he was pretty out of shape. So he looked like a sugar daddy.

He made sure everyone knew her age, and seemed to want some sort of response from us when he'd discuss her, but all I knew about her was that she was 24 & a college grad...honestly that's about all the info he put out about her. I never knew what to say to that. Due to the physical appearance (b/c I admit I think it's different for Brad Pitt and Bruce Willis types) my brother's sitch just looked sad to us. And a few weeks later, it was over and I think he was chagrined. He Never spoke of her again.

The point I'm making here may have nothing to do with your sitch. But if my brother thought that I or my sisters or other women were "impressed", by her age vis a vis his, we weren't. I felt sad for him truly.

Tad, if you still think someone else can make you happy, then you are still giving all your power away.

If you still think you can't be happy without a woman like your ex w, you have a much harder LONGER road ahead of you than you'd haveneeded if you'd simply DETACH and GAL for real.


If you think OW is a tactic to get your w back, you're giving all your power away (and it's more likely to backfire, give your EX w another batchit seizure, and risks hurting OW...-

but if YOU and OW CAN handle it and all is honest, fine.

I get the nagging feeling you are still maneuvering to get your batchit w back. Still trying to control the outcome...asking about whether anyone has seen someone divorce and later remarry...

yes Tad, as I"ve told you I have 2 family members do that. Years after they divorced they reconciled. But none of those 4 people did the same things your w does, fwiw...

and it took growth and personal work on all their parts NEVER with the goal or expectation of reconciling but of moving forward.

Their kids bonded them, and in time their friendships grew back into m's.

But Tad think about this---do you
Ever think maybe it's Not your w you miss or mourn the loss of,

but just the idea that you lost?

I don't mean to offend you with that OR to speak for others,

but I seriously doubt anyone here thinks she's good for you

and she's been such bad news for so long,

it's pretty hard to see why you'd still be pining. Yet here you are.

So I wonder if your ego is just so bruised & self esteem so low, that you confuse that wound with loving/needing HER...b/c she's not a loving woman.

Based on reality now, what's to miss?


Just food for thought and one more reminder--

YOU can speed this process up Tad.

Just do it.

Thanks. I appreciate that you are still posting to me 25.

As for my GF, she knows the story from start to end. I've even let her read my posts. I have been very open and honest with her.

I received a nasty text from XW a few days ago (right out of the blue of course) that I didn't even respond to. She went on and on about how much money I should be giving S17 everyday for lunch since she is required to send me child support money blah blah blah.

It took a while, but I am finally starting to see what everyone has been drilling into my head. DETACHMENT DOES WORK. It doesn't even bother me as much anymore when I think about OM. It's whatever.

Like I've said, I do still have bad days, but they are much better than they were.

You are so right when you said this:



Amen!

Tad

Tad, it is good to see you are feeling better these days. I am a little concerened about the age difference, if I am honest, especially as your gf is so close to your son's age. But that is your business. What does concern me more is what you wrote above. Words have a way of revealing our thought processes, and I wonder if you are sometimes a little controlling? Maybe 'let' was not what you intended to write, but if your gf is your equal, as she should be, then there is no 'let' about it.

As for openness and honesty, why wouldn't you be? It isn't a virtue it is a necessity in a relationship.

You're right Beatrice. I guess what I should have said was:

"I even offered her to read all of my posts."

I do get tired of the ups and downs though.

Somedays I am great and others I get sad, angry or bitter.

Just wish I could get better all the time you know?

Tad,
You will have good days and bad days. Eventually everything should settle down for you, but it's going to take a while. Go back and re-read your postings...you've come a long way! I'm proud of you!

Thank you Snodderly. I have actually thought about re-reading everything, but to be honest, I am a little afraid to. Don't know why.....

Not sure why, but the last few days have been a little rougher than they have been. Maybe it is because XW came to pick up S17 in OM's vehicle on Friday?

It's weird....everytime I think that XW and OM aren't as "involved" as I thought, something happens that will make me think otherwise.

Also, everytime that I remember something that truly points to MLC, something will happen that will make me think "maybe she really was unhappy because I was a lousy husband."

I have to pick up S17 this evening from her place. I am dreading it like the plague.

Can't believe how my life has changed....not what I had planned at all.

Thanks again.

Tad

can someone else pick your son up?

If not, at least DETACH for the time it takes to get him...and come home and do something FUN or funny...for you and your son.


Also stop thinking or worrying whether it's MLC or a WAW b/c for your w, there's no difference

and

for you there's no change in your course of action---GAL and Detach, please. for your sanity and peace of mind and your son's.


(( ))

Thanks 25.



S19 could pick him up, but he refuses to even go to her place. She has been there over a year and S19 still has not been to visit.

I am doing better. Still have the down times though.

Today was not as bad as I thought. Went to pick up S17 and didn't get out of the car. She didn't even walk him to the door like she usually does. I didn't have to see her. Yay! It is so much easier when I don't.

We got home and S17 and I played a computer game together.

Thanks.

Tad

Tad, brother ... I don't care how old the gf is ... if you can't pick your S17 up at the ex's place without it sending you into a funk ... YOU AREN'T READY TO DATE.

And your gf doesn't know this 'cause she doesn't have the experience or emotional maturity to know what a strong, emotionally healthy partner looks like. Hun, it ain't you. Not yet. Not now.

TAD ... buddy, why do you even care "how" involved the ex with OM? You've moved on ... you're with someone else? I suspect, mostly as an ego boost and an attempt to make the ex jealous.

You've got it in you to do what it takes to move yourself forward. But you're too afraid to do it. You said it yourself ... you're even to scared to go back and read it all again. DO IT. Over and over and over again ... I had to, and finally some of it seeped in ... then it started to make real sense. Not "oh yeah, I get it but I'm not doing it sense" ... actual honest to goodness lightbulb, AHA! type moments.

Peace
PEI