Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? Almost Separated, but far from Giving up.

Hey Elmo, good stuff above!

I try to be responsive when a member has some serious angst, but I try to pull back when people are doing for themselves and are moving themselves forward. You sir, are doing just that...

I took my ring off about 3 months in. (Well, it was off-on-off-on-off-on... then off lol) Had it off for a couple weeks at most, then put it back on... I believe it was when I finally conceded to sign the SA that I took it off for good, unless my sitch turns around.

I find it interesting that, for the most part, people who park a thread in this area of the forum, really seem to do a lot of meditative, internalized work. So pull up a mat and take the time you need to find your focus and move yourself ever forward...

Oh, have you read anything from Richard Bach? It's dated, but Jonathan Livingston Seagull and The Reluctant Messiah are awesome books!

I love books. I try to read as much as I can. I heard about Jonathan Livingston Seagull, but not the others. I'll definitely check them out. Thanks Kaffe.

I just finished Reading Limitless Mind by Russell Targ. That was a great book. Especially the last chapter.

This is definitely a good time for me to focus on meditation, and trying to reconnect with God.

I try to use the time to think positive things, and send love to my wife.

I'll pray for your situation to turn around. I'll pray for everyone's situation here to turn around.

OK, so my latest idea is to ask all my friends and family to pray for us, with the caveat of not contacting my w at all. My family is halfway across the country, and won't have any direct contact with her anyway, so I don't think it would violate any of the db rules.

At this point, I can't really see the harm in doing that--but once the information gets out there, I couldn't really control what happens to it. But prayer definitely works, so I think this would be more of a positive thing then a negative thing. Feel free to offer any feedback.

I haven't sent her any letters. I'm waiting. Letters would be chasing at this point. I've been taking care of myself and staying busy at the house. I will move the bed downstairs tonight, which will be nice change. That small bedroom upstairs was too cramped.

It's funny though how I pretty much feel OK with everything, but have crying spells from time to time. The wierd thing, is the triggers haven't been thoughts of my wife. For example, last night I was writing a letter to my mother, and was thinking about how much my mother still mourned the death of her grandmother, who died when my mom was 10. Thinking of that loss for my mother brought out the water works.

Then on Sunday night I was reading a book about someone who's dog had been shot by a neighbor. He expressed his anger in the book, and I could understand the anger and how the anger was so toxic--I could relate, that too brought out the tears.

So out of curiousity Elmo... and I say this with a bit of tongue in cheek.

When you pray, do you tell God "how" to help?

I think it's great that you would ask your friends to pray for you. Just know that once you ask, you cannot control whether they do or don't contact your W. Is it fair to ask them to pray and yet in the same breath, you are asking them not to interfere?

Just food for thought...

Keep working through your emotions. The more you hold them back is the longer you will keep them.

Hi Elmo

Glad I stumbled over here from new comers. I am going through the early stages of separation too. You are doing great work so far, much better than I was my first month away. You've got a fan here so keep posting and keep up the good work!

Thanks Grmpy. I appreciate the encouragement. This forumn has been a great resource for me. It's good to see that my journal entries are helpful to others as well.

If the DB techniques work, I'll be sending Champagne and candies to Michelle's offices for sure. Even if they don't work, I'll still be eternally greatful for the techniques I've learned from her, and will definitely use them in my future relationship should my current one not recover.

It is sometimes hard to believe that my wife is gone. Just six short months ago we were sleeping in the same bed, now I'm a batchelor again. A batchelor with a mortgage to pay on an empty house. Kind of ironic--but I'm learning a lot from this. I'm learning that I'm much stronger then I thought, and I'm capable of much more than I give myself credit for.

I've identified the real reasons why she left/stopped loving me, and I am going to steer clear of those things going forward, regardless of the outcome.

God bless you guys.

So it's been nearly 2 weeks since wife said she wanted to take off wedding band, and I have been pretty much dark. I haven't called, texted, or emailed (except when I was confirming her pick up time from daycare for my d). Me stopping that activity, was a 180...and thusfar...I don't think it's really worked. Perhaps, this will take more time. Perhaps, I will keep it up for another 2 weeks to see if she starts to be curious. But I somewhat feel that she just doesn't care anymore--care in a way that a happily married woman would care about her husband.

It's hard to answer my daughters questions about why Mommy's not at the house anymore, etc. It's hard to explain to a 3 year old why her parents aren't living together anymore. She just thinks she has 2 houses to play at now. I really want her to have two loving parents as a template for her when she's old enough to start thinking about getting married.

That aspect of this whole situation makes me most angry at my wife. I feel like she's being infinitely selfish in walking away from our home and potentially turning our daughter into another statistic. I don't know if that makes sense, but that's my feeling at times. Of course I know my highly opininionated, judging, and stubborn ways (Now changed for the most-part, I think) were what caused her to leave. But that wasn't all of it.

I always had this vision of my wife and I, as Octagenarians, dancing at somebody's wedding. I was serious when I joked with her I wouldn't care when her b--s sagged to her waist--I still would love her. She used to say divorce wasn't an option; and I still do. So why in the heck is this happening to me? It has to be karma?

I don't drink, I don't smoke, or use drugs. I take good care of myself, etc. etc. I've never hit my wife, or called her a bad name, etc. etc. Why is this happening?

Here's why I think this is happening--

I know the reasons, and won't go into it again, but still sometimes it just seems so unfair. If I was unfaithful, abusive, or an absentee husband, I can see why...but everyone that knows me, knows I'm a good guy--so it still sometimes feels so unfair.

But on a positive note, I moved the bed down to the first floor bedroom, and love it. No old pipes keeping me up--and the bathroom is only just a few steps from the bedroom (convenient when it's time for a late-night tinkle.)

I haven't been GALing as much as before, simply because cash is tigher now that she's moved out. But I'm doing thins at the house and still taking good care of myself, I'm just not spending as much money. I think you can still GAL and not spend money right? Have to say I love my library, I pick up a lot of books there and keep up my reading--which helps too.

I moved my posts over to Newcomers:

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...674#Post2222674