I gave W a book last night. It had nothing to do with solving our problems. I picked up a financial planning and goal setting book. I wrote her a little note in the front telling her that I planned to take this opportunity to become more physically, emotionally, and spiritually healthy. I also wrote that I hope that her journey of self discover is her choice and that I hope our individual journeys would lead us back to each other and left it at that.
She read it and came over and hugged me and she started crying. She said, "This is so hard, I just don't know what else to do." I just said "ok".
She asked me how I have been able to let go of the past and was so willing to forgive. I just said that I had found a new way of living through a spiritual program that allowed me to clean house, make appropriate amends to people I have harmed, and stop living in myself and make my life more about showing love and service to others.
I don't know what the hell to think! She seems so confused. It seems that the move out is her just grasping at straws to find inner peace. I know that geography won't do that. That is something one has to work for. I know I am starting to find peace because I am not as terrified of her leaving anymore. My sole concern is the fact that we have two beautiful children and even W says she still loves me and that we are best friends, she just can't find a way to let go of the past issues we've had. It's a two way street and if she's not willing to work on herself and the marriage then we are where we are.
The only course of action I have left is to let go completely and hope for the best and do the best I can for my children.
H 36, W 35, M 15 S 11 D 7 Bomb 08/03/2011 2nd Bomb 01/04/2012 3rd Bomb 04/26/2012 Divorced 07/23/2012
lol...so close yet so far away. it sounds like you are getting aa handle on things. alot better than me. detaching is proving to be very difficult for me. am reading on it, and see i have a ton of work to do. i wish i could find step by step instuctions. seems i am a relationship moron.
