Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers WHG: Chasing that rabbit with the pocketwatch

Journaling... rather uneventful day. Stopped in on a staff meeting of some of my staff today. They all about fell out of their chairs that I just randomly stopped in to listen. Made me realize how "on the bench" I've been. But coming out of that.

Went right from work to GAL/board meeting. Enjoying that experience... our board is fairly unsophisticated when it comes to strategic thinking and mindset, but we're making progress!

W sent me some random texts today with funny stories about S. Not sure where that's coming from. In each case I let it sit for about an hour before I just replied with some one word answer.

Got home and saw W took down all the family photos that had W and I in them. That stung a bit, but only for a bit. Oddly she left one up that has her and her bridesmaids on the top and me and my groomsmen on the bottom. I'm not reading anything into it... but the analytic side of my brain wonders what the heck the rationale is behind that...

W's friend's daughter was over when I got home because her parents had locked her out of her house. They were all in the back room playing the Wii so I hung out with SS away from them. I think the kids are starting to process more... SD asked me when does she need to start packing her things I told her not to worry... we'd give her plenty of notice and that mom and I would help her when the time came. SS has been working on painting this wooden statue that he got for Christmas. He tells me tonight, "I'm not sure where I should keep it..." I was confused and he tells me, "I mean here or at the new house..." I told him he's worked hard on it and should take it to the new house so he can see it every day. But I realize that sounds awfully dismissive, so in the morning I'm going to tell him he can keep wherever he wants. I'd be honored to have it here, but it's up to him.

"W sent me some random texts today with funny stories about S. Not sure where that's coming from. In each case I let it sit for about an hour before I just replied with some one word answer."

Why?

Because she'd end the story with some random question... like one ended with "btw, did you set up the school counselor appt for S?" Answer: Yes.

Another... telling me about her interaction with S when dropping him off at school today ended with "Does S have money in his milk account?" Answer: Yes.

There was a third but I forgot it and I'm too lazy to go find my phone

And if you had answered all at once at the end of the day or after you got home?

This sort of reminds me of my h, and things that went on in our relationship before bomb drop.

I've always been ultra available. He'd call, he'd email, he'd text and I'd answer. Even if it were things that could have been discussed later on. He pressed for a response, and if I didn't give one, then I'd have to explain myself.

After bomb drop however, I stopped being that available. And he didn't like that, even though he was threatening to leave me. I stopped answering the emails during the day... and I'd wait till he got home and he'd say "Didn't you get my messages?" and I'd say I did... but I thought we'd talk about them when you got in. I got busy.

It was when I started to pull back like this, it made him come toward me to try and understand what had changed. It made him uncomfortable and curious.

Another good thing about this was, it helped us talk more in the evening face to face...

I could have done that. The milk money thing would've been too late had I not, but I had so it's a moot point really.

Good question that I think you should answer...

She needs to feel you gone...

But maybe not in that way...

And I'm not seeing where your actions are matching your words with this.

You told her that you would work together in regards to the kids....right?

By you consciously "letting it sit" for an hour , that goes against your words.

Ok guys... which way here... respond, not respond. Neither was a crisis... and both had been taken care of.

The why was more about why the funny stories. Was it an intro to the question? Connection? Who knows.

There wasn't a need to ask those questions. She could have easily verified the milk balance on her own via the online system. The appointment isn't for weeks... it could have waited.

I'm attempting to not be at her beck and call, and not jump at each thing. But still be responsive on kid issues. Waiting an hour in each of these responses did not adversely impact our S in any fashion.

LOL

Okay, I understand what you are saying, and I do apologize for that...

Maybe a little passive aggressive of me, I just wanted YOU to define when and when you would not respond....

I do however like what you said there...

Once again, my apology for the tactic used...

Not much to journal today... we all went to S's wrestling practice tonight. Kindergarten wrestling is pretty fun to watch. She chose to sit with us, but I then got up and moved to the far end of our group putting SS, SD, and her friend's daughter between us.

One funny moment from today... W texted me this afternoon. She asked me to come home early so she could take a nap because she still has a fever. I replied that I couldn't leave and that I had a haircut appointment. I would be back around the time I said I would this morning. She sent back a snippy reply. A little bit later she texted me and asked if I thought it was ok that she lay down and leave the SS in charge until I got home. I replied, "your call, you're there". So what's the funny? The next part...

She texts me, "I'm laying in bed now... kids are playing... we'll see if I sleep though... xoxoxoxo". A minute later she texts me, "Oops... clearly I'm delirious... lol.. just random texting hugs and kisses...lol...laying down".

The funny part was, until she pointed out that she had included those "hugs and kisses" in her text I didn't even notice them or process them. I had to go back and see what the heck she was even talking about. I didn't acknowledge either message and just ignored them.

SD is really "rain manning" the move to the new house. She's just so fixated on it right now.

This morning did go better. I didn't get out early because of six inches of snow... but my time was almost entirely outside shoveling and then getting ready for work. I stayed out of W's business and left the kids entirely to her.