Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Together since we were 15...Part 2

I took my 4 year old son to the park today and for a walk. We had a great time. When we got home and it was time for ex to get our daughter from school and take the kids for the afternoon/evening, I changed from my leggings into a skirt and my new sexy boots! I changed into pajamas after they left Am I being spiteful? Probably. I want him to realize what he's giving up, because with the clothes and my new frame of mind comes a confidence I didn't have before, which is what I lacked during our R and it caused a lot of issues. He always made me feel beautiful even in sweatpants. But now I'm liking paying more attention to my wardrobe. Especially since I'm at my high school weight again.

Perfect!

"If, and that's a big if, he decides to wise up and become an honest man who realizes he made a mistake and wants his family back, I wouldn't be against trying to work it out at all. Not without major MC sessions. But he doesn't want that. At least not anytime soon, he says. I'm tired of him calling the shots. This is MY life now, and I am a door mat no longer."

I'm so proud to hear you get some confidence back, I knew you had it in you! Remember that you said these words later down the road when you are in a weak moment.... This is your strength peeking out!!

I'm always surprised when I hear about a WAS (and even my H) make comments such as "my life [censored]"... don't they realize that *they* are the one causing it?! Do they expect sympathy from us?! Just more crazy acts from people who don't know what they really want out of life.... except more cake

I think they honestly expect sympathy from us LBS because they know we want them back so much. Makes me twitch just thinking about it.

Yep. I'm with ya on that one! My H has made comments about not being able to afford two households, having to give me most of his check in the settlement... I want to look him right in the eye and say: "This is your fault, not mine. None of this has to happen. You can change the future for both of us."... of course I never will.

I've found that I've gotten to the point where I can say: "yep, it's going to be hard." and leave it at that...I giggle on the inside because he seems defeated when he doesn't get the 'poor baby, I feel bad for you' routine.

Good! I'm glad you don't coddle him. I say the same thing, pretty much. "It'll be hard for all of us." The thing that irritates me the most is that he acts like this hardly affects the kids at all because they still see him nearly every day. It is not the same. My 7 year old has been asking me about future step-moms and step-dads The thought of another woman being with my ex and mothering my kids upsets me greatly.

I am not good at being detached yet friendly and firm. At all. I come off as stand-offish. He just put the kids to bed and left. I stayed in my room with the door shut for the most part (I went out to kiss the kids good night). At one point he knocked on my door to ask for a hair tie (he has long hair). I told him I didn't think it was appropriate for him to be borrowing my things. Was that a wrong thing to say? I went downstairs to shut the dining room light off as he left. I think he was expecting to stand around and chat with me for a few minutes, but I walked right up the stairs and said see ya later. He stood there with a confused look on his face and stared at me as I walked away.

Thinking about the possible EA just makes my skin crawl. I don't really want anything to do with him romantically. I hope that lasts. It feels immensely better than the pain I was in. I'm stil in pain, but it feels more like mourning pain now, rather than longing for something living. That sounds awful! I am not wording it properly.

I've been on the other side of this. I've had an EA. He put up with too much. I won't be doing it. It isn't fair to anyone.

And he put them to bed without brushing their teeth. Come on! He always shows up late to get them and drops them off late. It's starting to get on my nerves.

Hi Jenna,

I just read your same thread and want to say keep it up. I'm going through a similar (albeit much much more complicated) situation that can pretty much be summed up as WAW and EA, me being the LBS and still living in the same house with all 3 adults and 2 young kids! Your story so far, and the support you have gotten give me hope and help me see things in a different light. Thanks!

I'm going out with a girlfriend on Friday night! The last time I went out was when we had been split for a week, and it was a disaster. I cried and had to come home after maybe an hour. I feel much stronger now. It'll be 5 weeks tomorrow (wow). I WILL have fun this time!