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Jenna... Listen.

He may be being sincere. And I'm sure he's confused.

But that does not take away from the fact that what he is doing is wrong.


Let me ask you a question.

If you were to meet a new man, would you allow him to have sex with you and than tell you he wants to see other people so he can "grow"?


Your BF is allowed to leave you. He is allowed to learn and grow without you. That is all fine. We can't control other peoples feelings.


But while he figures his s*it out, he should not be stringing you alnog and playing with your feelings. That's just being mean.


I'm not against him leaving you as hurtful as it is. We all need to make our own path in life. Make decisions and live with the decisions we make.


What I am against is him hurting you. And you should be against that too.


It's not wrong for you to say:

"I love you and want us together. But I can no longer ML or be intimate with you until you want the same thing."


That's setting boundaries. And until you do that he will treat you like a door mat...


Be strong Jenna... Because you are!!!

He didn't say he wants to see others to grow. He thinks it would be like we were together if we had the 'no seeing other people' stipulation there, and he feels we should be able to live our lives without that right now.

I don't know that I'm strong enough to not be intimate with him
He's really opened up both times we've ML since he left 4 weeks ago. He connects sex with love with me. He can't help but feel attached to me while we're close in that way. I guess I got my hopes up yesterday when he said the separation is good for us, BUT. The 'but' really had me

"He didn't say he wants to see others to grow. He thinks it would be like we were together if we had the 'no seeing other people' stipulation there, and he feels we should be able to live our lives without that right now."

It's the same thing Jenna... Translation, "If someone comes along, I want to be able to see her. Touch her, ML to her."


It's true that sex is how a man connects emotionally and that's why he opens up to you during those times. But it appears that he only opens up emotionally during sex OR when he wants sex. And that is not healthy. That is cunning, mean, and premeditated.


Make no mistake Jenna. He planned on having sex with you all day yesterday. He did everything he did for you and to you to assure it happened. He said everything he said to make it happen. He set it up, courted you, and got what he wanted.


If you're not strong enough not to be a door mat then prepare for more pain than you can imagine...

He's been friendly, flirty, basically his normal self with me for most of our interactions, most of them when sex wouldn't be possible.

He's actually lying in bed beside me right now. Oy. We talked some more. I cried. He said it's just too soon to get back together, and that he has a lot to figure out. He said maybe in a couple of months we can think about it.

He said he's confused, but he's definitely not coming home 'in the near future'

You have to understand, I've NEVER been a door mat. Quite the opposite, actually. HE was MY door mat for too long He has a lot of resentment toward me to work through and let go of, and says he's not ready to be with me yet.

It's going to be so hard to sleep without him tonight.

I understand Jenna.

Your only option is to GAL. Go out with friends and try to have fun. Fake it till you make it.


And I need to end with this...

*Don't be so available

*Delay answering the phone and call bask later

*Delay answering texts


You MUST make yourself mysterious... He needs to know that you have a life and that you will have a life without him.


If you follow no other advise, please try and do this.

He is casually talking to someone that he has a crush on. Texting only. I told him I'm doing the same. I probably shouldn't have said that, but it's done now. It bothered him.

So, that, along with my upcoming school and job plans do have him feeling like I'm getting a life without him.

In a way I can't believe I slept with him again. I said I wouldn't do that after the last time. It's just crazy how much I want us to be together. For our kids to have their parents together. I've had such a hard time lately with him showing such emotion around me and feeling happy and sad at the same about my changes. It doesn't help that he's confused about what he wants, so part of him really does want me, and he is in love with me. He could make it 'easier' on me by not doing this, but no, I have to stompnon my own broken heart now to turn him down.

Sorry for the pity party.

"He is casually talking to someone that he has a crush on. Texting only."


I doubt he is only texting. At least he is being honest with you and telling you that he will not fully commit.


Now it's your job to set boundaries. And it's my guess that he will not respect you until you do. That does not mean you can't talk or meet or go on dates.

It simply means you will not let him be in paradise if he plans on going to paradise with other women.


It's up to you!


Good luck,

He just left. We did a lot of talking. He started talking to a couple of girls 1-2 weeks after leaving me. Ouch. Nothing serious. He hasn't even kissed anyone else yet (I believe it). I guess they aren't returning his texts or whatever, so of course i ask him if he's been so flirty with me because he's lonely and he says partly, but it's also because he still loves and misses me. I feel like I have a whole new wound in my heart. We decided not to flirt or sleep together anymore unless he starts wanting to be exclusive and commit to me again, which I'm terrified will be never again. He apologized for getting my hopes up yesterday and that he didn't mean to, but he's confused right now and tried to express his feelings to me, which only confused me.

We said goodbye for a while. He didn't want to walk out of the door and make it 'official'. It feels like we just broke up all over again. We were touching each other's faces, holding hands, and we kissed one last time. Both of us had tears streaming down our faces. He is firm in that this is what's right for us right now. He said in his heart, he hopes we can work it out when we're both ready to, but that we just need to be focusing on ourselves right now.

As of now, no more: flirting; sleeping together; saying things like 'I miss you'; no personal talk, only talking about the kids, bills, school/work schedules; no hanging out while he picks up or drops off the kids.

I explained to him that I can't be his friend yet, because friendship is a big part of a relationship. He was pretty sad about that, but said it hadn't clicked in his head how unfair he was being by asking me to be his friend.

I'm a wreck right now This feels SO WRONG. At least when we were flirting, talking, etc, I looked forward to seeing him and didn't feel too bad when he wasn't here. I know he was stringing me along (without meaning to), though, and that's not fair, and it's not real. I told him that if he gets to the point where he wants to try to be with me again, to let me know ASAP no matter what. He said he would. We agreed to reevaluate all of this in 2-3 months. He won't consider thinking of being with me again until at least a couple more months have gone by. He said he has a lot of anger to let go of. Regarding my treatment of him, his father's abandonment, and many other issues. He held his anger in for so long...it's been slowly poisoning him. He said he also needs to SEE me make these changes. Yes, I have started the processes, and I have made some changes, but school and work haven't started yet.

He told me he doesn't think it's a bad thing for me to have some hope for us, but to not focus on it. It does mean something to me that he does still love me, and he does want us to work out, deep down.

Look at it this way

1. He is giving you time to prove your changes are permanent.

2. He wants to make sure he returns because he loves you, not because he misses the routine.

My W went through the same.

In a way it helps build a better stronger long term R. If he returns now he'll be iffy, may run off again.

It must have taken months of bad R dynamics for him to get where he is. It won't take a few weeks to undo it all.

Once again.... Patience.

The more I think about it, the more I get the feeling that he started getting interested in the coworker and the girl from spanish class while we were still together, before he left He won't admit that any girls had anything to do with his decision, but the fact that he started talking to them so quickly after leaving me makes me think he was interested before. I think he was talking to them while we were still together. Talking is fine, but not if you have an inappropriate interest

He told me too much today. I know that he hung out with the coworker after the split and they listened to music. I know she wasn't responding to his texts, so a friend of hers went up to ex to let him know that she's not ignoring him, but she feels he needs more time after his break-up to heal. He told me he isn't looking for a relationship. He said she must be showing restraint, because she is interested in him, but isn't contacting him much. I wish I didn't know any of that. Ugh, I just feel sick. How can he even be thinking of anyone else He said the other girl stopped texting him, and he doesn't want to be lame and ask her why. How can he sleep with me while he's showing interest in others?! Sick! This is just not him. I have a feeling his curiosity about these girls and the single life is a huge reason as to why he left me and why he won't come back and has been stringing me along.

I decided I won't be snooping in the phone records, etc, anymore. I don't want to know. And he uses iMessage, which doesn't show up on the phone records anyway.

Not sure how this makes me feel regarding working towards getting back together with him.