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I just don't know what I should be doing. He won't have time to miss me if I allow him to hang out with me every day. In order for him to leave, though, I have to be at least a bit stand-offish. He kept asking me if I was ok last night.

And how he is right now...I don't want that person back. I'm working very hard making improvements on myself. He doesn't seem to be doing the same with himself at all. He's still impatient with the kids. He still sees them mostly daily (is that too often for me to be seeing him?), but for a fraction of the time he would normally be with them, except on his day(s) off, like yesterday, when he tales them for a good chunk of the afternoon/evening. He isn't pleasant to be around. He complains constantly. Now that I think about it, that's how he was during our last 6+ months together. He can say that it was because of me (he hasn't), but it was mostly due to school. He did not do well last semester. He'd yell at the kids for distracting him, and he'd get upset at me for not taking them away when he had to study. Honestly, though, he just didn't study like he should have. The small amounts that he did, yes, I should have taken the kids out of the house, I guess. But he'd wear headphones and the kids would walk by and he'd act like they were the reason he couldn't study. He didn't put forth the effort. He admits this now.

I want him back if he works on himself. This took 2. He's the one that keeps repeating that. I'm not doing myself any favors by only focusing on the hood times. We've both figured that if I hadn't been so deeply codependent (pretty much addicted to him), I would have left. I couldn't stand not trusting him. It was daily mental torture.

All of that said, I DO want to save us, but not if he'll be the same person that he has been lately. That wouldn't work. I'm growing. I'm changing into a better, stronger, and even happier person, because this brand new happiness is coming from inside of myself, and not reflecting off of my ex, whom I considered to be my soul mate. If he can spend time hating his job, getting pissed at the kids for being KIDS, feeling like he doesn't feel for me how he should and giving up before even trying counseling...I fear it would be a losing battle.

I've had people close to me tell me that in the end, he'll be crawling back to me and I'll be the one to turn him down. Nobody truly knows this, but it isn't a distant fantasy in my mind anymore. It's more of a bittersweet possibility. Who knows how I'll feel once I start school, meet new people, start my new life!

I miss terribly what we had. We were always such great friends. We had so many inside jokes, movies we'd quote in public that would have people scratching their heads, special songs, special places and meals.

A couple of weeks ago I found a letter he'd written me when I left him 5 years ago and he was desperate to get me back. I swear I could have written it myself at this time. It didn't have an effect on me at the time. Not at all. His begging, pleading, crying...all of it only made me feel sorry for him. I came back when I found out that he'd slept with someone else. It was a slap in the face that he wouldn't always wait around for me. Who knows how long I'd have strung him along without finding that out. Still, I wasn't ready to be with him again. I still had feelings for another person that I refused to deal with, and I hadn't worked on myself throughout our 4 month split.

Does anyone have any thoughts about how my ex is acting? He seems to be behaving differently from most WAS's from what I've read on here. Even soon after he moved out (I asked him to, as he was planning on it anyway...he moved out 3 days after dropping the bomb), he started asking me how I'm doing, what I'm feeling. He's been flirty and we even had sex Christmas night (he initiated) followed by a long, meaningful talk. He let it slip a couple of days ago that he doesn't know what he wants, but for the most part he says we're not good for each other right now, he doesn't care about me the way that he should. Sometimes it really seems like he's doing this only because he feels it's right, but isn't what he truly wants. When I'd bring up R talk, which I haven't done in over a week, he'd say it's not time yet to talk about getting back together, that it's too soon. He says he's so proud of me for the changes that I'm making. He says that I'm an amazing person with so much to offer. He feels that it's his fault I didn't do anything with my life while with him. He has apologized to me a few times since leaving. I've made it clear to him that it was my doing, not his. We both take full responsibility for our own choices. We are blaming ourselves a bit more than we should be, though.

I'm just not sure what to think. He sits close to me and talks with me about how he's feeling without my asking. He takes an interest in what I'm up to. He shows jealousy/pain at the thought of me being with anyone else. He invites me to go places with him and the kids. He does enjoy talking with me. Yet he's firm in his decision. He talks about getting his own place (after I'm able to handle the bills here). We're going through with legalizing child support.

I wish he'd call/text me to let me know that he misses me I haven't done that at all. I've been doing very well with not showing him my neediness/desire for him. When prodded, I let him know that I want my family to be whole again.

He is acting like we're friends, but more at the same time. I'm trying very hard to not let him have his cake and eat it, too. No more sex with him. No more hanging out. It seems like many LBS on here are striving for the position I'm in, but it's honestly not where I want to be. I don't want him to be content with being my friend (FWB, I think, if he had his way) I think many strive for this because they believe friendship could turn into romantic love again, correct? It's only been 3 weeks, and during week 2, after I quit the begging routine, he moved in closer. He seemed to move in VERY quickly.

How should I be acting? Why is he acting this way? I can't tell what his intentions are.

Anyone? I need some insight. I'd really appreciate it.

Play it cool.

You are definitely on the right track. But you need to sloooow down and be more patient.

He is probably confused himself and doesnt know if he can trust the new you. Continue not to initiate relationship talk. When he talks about legalizing child support just say nothing or if you have to say something say "I understand why you feel you need to do that".

Continue to dress to impress.

He is as confused as you are, do not add any pressure. You are on the right track.

Thank you! I need to not be so snippy with him. Today and yesterday were not pleasant. I'll try harder tomorrow to be friendly (without expectations). I got some new sexy boots for Christmas. I think I'll wear them with my new sweater dress tomorrow

Should I flirt back? Have long talks with him? I do want him to miss me...

I think that if you flirt back and give into his advances, he gets to be a cake eater. As long as he is telling you that he doesn't want to be in a R with you, you need to show him what that looks like; ie: don't let him think that 'being alone' means he still gets to do what he wants, when he wants. This will be easy to say and understand, but I know how hard it will be to *do*.

You're right, many of us would give anything for our WAS to try to be intimate or even flirt with us (kinda jealous of ya).... but I can see how confusing it is for you because his words don't match his actions. My H was like this in the beginning, and then our MC reminded him that it's not fair for him to confuse me by not doing what he says... so that's when I lost hugs, kisses and sleeping in the same bed. I was devastated, but I have come to see why it was sooooo important to have a clear definition so that my heart wouldn't get confused.

I'm sorry he's putting you in this position. But I really feel that if *he* won't set boundaries and actually do what he says..... than you need to be the bigger person and 'teach' him what "not-being-together" really feels like.

I understand why you'd want your H to be acting this way towards you, but it isn't that great, trust me A big part of me feels like he's using me because he hasn't gotten anyone else yet, and another part of me feels like he's just so used to being able to flirt with me; that I'm what's familiar and comfortable, and when someone new and exciting comes along, I'll be yesterday's trash. I never thought I'd be treated this way by him. He cherished me for so long. That's why I am either flirty back (or passively let him flirt with me while I'm dying and leaping for joy all at the same time inside), or I'm cold. I am having such a hard time finding a middle ground. I never had to have one with him before all of this crap.

He is likely not doing these things with motives. He's probably just going along with comes naturally. He isn't coming home anytime soon, so it's really not fair to me.

I finally received DB in the mail! I know what I'll be reading tonight.

"He is likely not doing these things with motives. He's probably just going along with comes naturally. He isn't coming home anytime soon, so it's really not fair to me."

That right there says it all. Its not fair to you, and you're right there's a chance he may find someone else and he'll drop you on your head.

Your sitch is just starting and the worst may be yet to come. I say this so that you can prepare yourself, not to be mean.

Your husband probably feels like a failure right now, and rather than buckling down and toughing it out, he is running away. There are some serious repercussions to this as you can tell, but it hasn't made him snap out of it.

He may never snap out of it. Are you ready to accept that?

You'll find that the faster you do, the more efficient DB will become.

He may not feel man enough to be your partner and the father of your children.

We all know that what he feels doesn't matter when it comes to the well being of your children. So be strong, better yourself and be the best mother you can be.

Then after all that ask yourself:

"if he doesn't come back despite me being a better person, is he worth my love?"

Be strong, and a source of inspiration for your children and maybe even him.

I have found myself alternating between wanting him back so incredibly much; wanting my family back...and feeling like maybe this was a blessing in disguise.

He is all I know. I'm 24 years old, and I'd been with him since I was 15. I went straight from my mother's house to living with him at his mother's house (I got pregnant at 17, and then 19). In many ways, as twisted as this is, he was a parental figure to me. It was so very unfair to him. He needed to be needed at the time. He needed to 'parent' someone. I needed someone to love me unconditionally and to teach me about life. I was watching a movie the other day where the ex-wife and ex-husband were talking about their old married life. The ex-H was talking about how he was made to be her knight in shining armor. He said, "That armor sure got heavy." It really struck me. My ex's armor got too heavy. When he left, he said he couldn't hold up the world for both of us anymore, and wanted his own life.

I'm making my own life. I will never go back to depending on someone else for my own happiness. I feel very regretful of how I behaved for so long. Can't change the past, but I can sure as hell improve the future of myself and my kids, to the best of my ability.