Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers I Will Survive...

(((sunshine))) all WAW script what she said. Believe none of what she says and half of what u see. I dislike the lets be friend line. What made u confront her?
Keep DBing remember it is for u and u are doing good. What plans for the weekend do u have?

Thanks for the hugs Rick. I really need them.

I confronted her because I wasn't strong enough not to. Now I just want to keep confronting her. I feel like all of this hurt and anger is just oozing out of me and I can't keep my mouth shut. Like you said in your post I also feel like I have nothing to lose at this point. Unfortunately, if I don't get control of myself soon we are going to end up hating each other.

I guess I am going to take my dog to the beach today and I am supposed to go hiking with her tomorrow. If it was up to me I would just sleep these next couple of years away.

Do not confront her anymore. Leave her alone or you will push aher way. It is time to detach and work on you. Become active work out. I lost weight and started walking and exercising. You will look and feel good. And no sleeping all day no one wants to be around a depressed pathetic angry person. Ok

Sunshine76--I was once a WAW and now I am LBW, so I can see both sides. When I was WAW, I had the same script for my first husband. I told him that I needed space to clear my head and I moved out. Before I moved out, I gave him so many chances to spend time with me and he didn't want too. So I figured that if I moved out, it would wake him up. But it didn't. He harassed me everyday. The more he did that, the further away he pushed me. Until one day I could not take it anymore and filed for the divorce.

Now, since I am on the other side, I understand why my first husband did what he did. Because I did the exact same thing to my present husband. Then I realize the more I contacted him the further away I was pushing him. So, after leaving him alone for about six weeks, he started to slowly contact me. But the only time he wants anything to do with me is when he has our D. He gets stressed out when he has for more than 2 days at a time. It was his decision to walk out on me, so he needs to deal with it. He only contacts me when it benefits him. So now that I see this, I am going to start detaching again.

I heard this similar thing from H.... and it's so confusing!!! The fact that they say "i still want to be friends' just lets you know that they are on a selfish train of thought right now... it's about what *they* want, what *they* think is best. I've had the thoughts like: "what they he!! about what *I* want?? When does that matter? Don't I get say in how my future goes too???"

I'm really sorry you've been in the dumps. I think many of on here are wrapping our brains around the fact that the New Year is coming and we can't stop it. I personally don't know how the world keeps on spinning and people keep living their happy f-ing lives around me because my world has come to a screeching halt!!!.... ok, that concludes our venting session for the moment. Please feel free to have yours now, ready....go! {obscenities, curse words, loud screams enter here.}

I'm not going to tell you to focus on you right now- I get tired of hearing that. Instead I'll just tell you that you're never alone through this. As much as you feel like you don't know which way is up and no idea where to turn, you can always come to our DB family and hopefully find a little comfort in the words of strangers.

(((((Sunshine)))))

Sunshine, sorry you're feeling down. Do you have to go hiking tomorrow? I think you are right in that if you keep having contact, at least right now, you may end up hating each other or you will say things out of anger and emotion. That usually comes back to bite you in the butt. Ask me how I know? ;/

Thank you guys so much!! I have no idea what I would do without all of your support.

Rick, you are right! From this moment on, NO MORE CONFRONTING. Nothing positive or constructive has come from it. I have been walking quite a bit, but I need to get my lazy butt to the gym.

Hopeful, thank you so much for sharing your story on being a WAW it is so nice to have insight into what our spouses are thinking and going through. I am really sorry that you now find yourself on the other side of the fence so to speak. Both sides really stink. Hang in there!

Purg, LOL I love that you are spunky and have a trucker's mouth just like me! You always give the best advice and you are funny as he11

You're right the fact that they want to be 'friends' feels like they want to have their cake and eat it too! They are so consumed with themselves that it is almost sickening. They are most definetely "taking care of themselves." You'd think their behavior would make it a little easier for us to kick their a$$es to the curb and move on

LB, I'm glad that I am not the only one that has screwed up I have a feeling she may back out of going hiking. Depending on how I feel tomorrow I may or may not go. If I am feeling angry and bitter I will let her know that I am not feeling up to it.

Looking back I should have come to this board and vented instead of confronting. Oh well, lesson learned! Time to pick myself up, let some of the anger go and shut down this damn pitty party.

Sunshine!

I was reading someone elses thread. Saw where you posted on the wrong thread by accident. And laughed until I cried over the thing you wrote:

(I swear she thinks I am an effing idiot)

Anyway, I laughed the first time I read it, then laughed more. Because sometimes I swear my H thinks I am an idiot. I've written it in my journal, several times.......

So back to your thread, YES, Vent not confront. Now If I can only do that! I think I will make that my second New Years Resolution.

Happy New Year!

Hey WenikiTiki, it's great to hear from you! I have been meaning to post on your thread. I am so glad that you feel the same way about our spouses thinking we are stupid

I'm so glad it made you laugh. I tend to swear quite often and am a total smarta$$ which might turn some people off, but I appreciate you being lighthearted enough to enjoy my post.

I am probably one of the worlds' worst DBers, but I sure do enjoy everyones' company on this board

Journal:

I woke up this morning feeling happy and hopeful. I am happy because I am noticing changes in myself. I have been very focused on not being moody or down around my W and I believe that being happy is becoming a reality for me.

I have always struggled with low self-esteem and body image issues which have really held me back from doing alot of things. I always promise myself that when I lose weight I will do this that and the other. Well I am finally at the point where I am sick and tired of standing in my own way and not living my life to the fullest. As soon as I find another job I am going to sign up for surfing lessons. This sounds so dumb, but getting in a wetsuit is a huge fear for me.

I want this year to be about me breaking out of my comfort zone and conquering some of my fears.