Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Feels like the bottom of 9th with 2 outs

Wow - I see so many similarities in the first few threads.

Will continue to do so - thanks for pointing me in his direction.

NY...

What I would like for you to take from those threads is how FIB transformed, even though he was in the middle of that firestorm....


HE did the work.....


Read of the things he did, the advice he got, and the things he would have done differently...

I have read through many of FIB's threads - he is a very impressive, brave and a "stand up" guy - may god give me strength to behave the same way.

Quick Journal -
W and I had another quiet night, just hanging out with the girls. I miss intimacy from my W - no touching or any form of physical contact - I'm not initiating any contact. Her rings are still on the sideboard and while it bothers me every time I see them - it seems to hurt a little less each time.

My sister arrives this evening and I'm looking forward to hanging out with her for a week - she hasn't seen the girls since they were very young so plan is just to spend quality time together and with the girls - if my W wants to join us then great, otherwise no expectations.

Another quick journal -

Picked up my sister from the airport, so great to see her after 4 years - surprisingly little traffic, guess there aren't many people at work this week.

Got home - D10 was already in bed, D7 wanted to stay up to meet her aunt - it was great to see how quickly D7 connected with her, showing her all her Christmas presents and asking her questions about England, laughing at her accent.

I read stories to D7 and put her to bed, all the time my W was making herself scarce. Sister was done by 10 (3:00am UK time) - so went to bed, I made myself something to eat.

W comes into the kitchen having barely interacted with us all night - W announces she's meeting a friend in a bar to thank her for all the help she's given - got to be honest, had no idea what this meant. I just told her to have a good time.

I'm liking my W less and less - I have a sister visiting that she can barely talk to - I put up with her family several times a week and she can barely get out of the house quick enough when my sister is visiting...

Hi Peter. I totally get your frustration with your W and hope that over the next few days she will lighten up some so everyone can have a pleasant visit.

I wonder though how much your W's guilt is playing into her inability to socialize with your sister. I mean she is your family and from your W's perspective she probably feels that she wouldn't have an ally and so why bother.

Anyway, maybe if you can find a way to help your W and sister feel comfortable then the visit will be that much more enjoyable for everyone.

Speaking from a little bit of experience, my W's parents came to visit for Thanksgiving and I was really quite concerned about how things were going to go. Fortunately my W and I worked together and W set the stage with her parents and things went much smoother than I had expected.

So maybe prime the pump a little with both your sister and your W and things can improve for everyone.

Good luck and I really hope you enjoy your visit with your sister!

It lightened somewhat today.

W came to lunch with us and we had a pleasant time, I picked up some food for dinner (I was going to cook) - W insisted on cooking, she said "You will only burn it" - she's still not spending much time with my sister and I - but that's fine.

W came home at 1:00am - I didn't ask about her night and she didn't talk about it. She climbed into bed and initiated spooning, I enjoyed it but made no extra effort to be closer.

Sister is asking about our relationship - she thinks W's actions indicate that the affair with OM isn't over - I said there's no way of me knowing and I'm done snooping - if W decided to rekindle affair then she's chosen to take that path.

Spent alot of time with the girls today - we had great fun just hanging out, doing nothing special. It makes me regret the years I focused on work and not on family...

Peace...

More journaling :

W went to bed early last night - sister and I watched a movie, when I got to bed W was definitely back on her side of the bed not initiating contact etc. One night she wants to spoon, the next night I'm sleeping with Eskimo Nell.

Woke up this morning - W was distant, she went out with D7 while sister and I looked after D10. Then went with the girls and sister to outlet mall for shopping - W wanted to stay at home.

We got back - W had already left for work, no messages or anything, that's fine. Played with the girls and just got them off to bed.

Feel a little for my sister - she's travelled 5,000 miles and she gets to stay in every night - W is working tomorrow night so it's another night in looking after the girls on New Years Eve.

Will take sister out for dinner on Sunday night. It's good to have her here - it's built up some self-esteem, "you are a good guy and a wonderful father - if your W doesn't see it, it's her loss" - if nothing else, it's nive to hear albeit a biased opinion.

New Years Eve...

W went to work early - she made herself scarce again today.
Sister and I have had a fun day playing with the girls and watched D7's favorite movie this evening "Sound of music" - go figure.

I will have a glass of champagne to celebrate the New Year with sister and then go to bed - in my dreams I'll wake up tomorrow and 2011 will never have happened - oh well, can only dream.

Happy New Year everyone.

5:00 am - D10 been up most of the night, can't get her back to sleep.
Wife not back from restaurant.
Tried calling - she's turned her phone off.

I'm done....

W came home @ 8:00am - said she stayed at a friend's because she got drunk.

I said I was worried about her and the least she could have done is shown me the courtesy of calling or texting so I know she is safe. She agreed she should have done that.

I then told her I'm done - and I really think I am.
I know I'm probably one of the worst DBers - I've tried but struggled with it.

She's on her own path and I've said this a million times, but I really need to let her go. Hope she finds what she's looking for, it's certainly not a R with me.