Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy H took my son to buy me a gift

Why do you define yourself in terms of someone else?

If i wait to deal with my own issues any longer i will be old and ugly and end up alone forever.

Okay, so your sitch is real. That means your problems are real. Personally I don't think you are ready to date. You're not doing yourself or the guy a favor by being so dependent.

I mentioned about how you condemn others for their actions whether real or imagined. You just did it again with the chiropractor. That's extremely unfair to him.

You seriously need to work on your trust issues. I get it that your dad left, your H left, etc. but it's not this guy. On top of that, it's none of your business if the OW is driving your H's car. Have you done anything...anything at all to work on your trust issues? Has your therapist worked on that at all?

Switching to another therapist isn't going to help just because your current one says that you should be weened off due to dependency issues. You can't get another therapist just because you disagree with the one that's been with you awhile.

I can honestly see things not going well with this new guy until you get those issues set straight.

"If i wait to deal with my own issues any longer i will be old and ugly and end up alone forever."

You haven't dealt with your issues at all. You've been reactive rather than proactive. Finding another guy is like putting a bandaid on your problems. In the end they will come up again like an open wound.

agree with the above...

but I also can feel her despair and loneliness and so I get why she wants to date.'

Then again Rysmom, you are already predicting things won't or can't work out with this nice guy b/c of the distance or b/c of your fears, etc

so won't that confirm your worst fears and set you back?

I guess I'm saying if you can handle it, then dating might be good for your ego

but so far it seems to be sort of a set up for failure

and then you get upset all over again. If it makes you feel better at least I could see that it was doing something positive

even if it wasn't perfect. But if you won't even feel better, then re-examine it.

Can you handle some fun companionship without pinning a bunch of hope and expectation on it?

If you can, then maybe it'll be good

Instead of imagining that he's a player, try imagining that he's having thoughts just like you. "She seems nice, but it's long distance and I'm really not ready for a longterm relationship. I think I'll just go and have some fun, because I'm lonely."

Don't expect him to want you more than you want him. Imagine that he's a lonely human.

Thanks for your message. Yesterday i text him a picture of me and he didnt respond, a couple of hours later i text him and said "am i your type"? he didnt reply.
last night i text and asked if he knew best way to travel with holiday traffic. he called me back and sounded a little angry that i had sent him text about "being his type". he said" im 53 yrs old do u think i would be talking to u if u werent my type". i hope i didnt ruin things. im nervous about going but looking forward to it. We are meeting in one of the nicest cities in CT where ive never been.

I know i should let him call and text me, not bother him.

Im going to volunteer at a horse rescue this weekend. i have to find one close to me . i would love to do that. I know i have to find my own happiness.

"i text him a picture of me and he didnt respond, a couple of hours later i text him and said "am i your type"? he didnt reply.
last night i text and asked if he knew best way to travel with holiday traffic. he called me back and sounded a little angry that i had sent him text about "being his type". he said" im 53 yrs old do u think i would be talking to u if u werent my type"."

I hope you notice how much of a red flag that is. Out of all the critical comments about my posts, this shows you haven't actually read them.

From your comment above it shows:
1) that you really need to work on your insecurity issues and be more independent. It shows that you are very needy and as a guy, I can tell you that it will repel men to go out with a needy woman. Just being honest.
2) are setting yourself up to be dependent on another man. Is that what you really want?

So what if you go out and he doesn't call you back? You're going to start condemning him all over again. I don't know if you realize alot of the problems in your sitch start from you. Start relying on yourself and not other men. I get that you're lonely, but you'll get a better chance of getting the right guy if you're not so dependent on him and critical.
3)

Merry Christmas everyone! Hope you have a blessed day.