Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy DBing against OW...?????

ITM. Let that journal entry show you the essential truths of DBing:

1) You NEVER know what's really going on in their head. You see that now right?Believe only half of what you see and none of what you hear

2) Focus on yourself. Let him work through his crap. You'll be better on the other end of this regardless. I know it's hard to believe, but it will happen.

Hang in there!

This is something I've read over and over again about men. It is also the very thing my H does.

My H clamps down and doesn't voice what is bothering him. He has held things in for 22 years! There are times now when he will tell me his thoughts and then says,
"There, I told you how I felt." ...Like he is amazed at himself and it will be about nothing at all to me. Example was the way I pulled out into the road one day. He made a comment....I can't even remember it....and I was, "Oh...OK"

They are such little boys at times, they think we don't want them or love them or think they are important to us. H thought I blamed him for something that happened on our honeymoon 22 years ago.

I'd say something to him. What do you have to lose?

OH...and BTW I know I wished you a HB on the 26th because someone else posted they would take you out for dinner and I said I'd take you for a pedicure. What happened to those posts?!

MZ- moderators plus eggnog equal missing posts.

Itm, I saw drafts of letters my H wrote to ow. Some of them looked like journaling. He wrote things he had never expressed to me. After all, we are supposed to read their minds, you know.
How could I know what he thought was wrong with me if he didn't tell me? It only came out when the SHTF.

He should have told you what he was feeling, but who ever really tells the truth, instead of just trying to keep the peace and not hurting feelings?

I hope you enjoyed your birthday.

vc

I never saw those post MZ...who knows, but thank you!!..lol

So H has always made comments to me about how if i would have made changes sooner all of this could have been avoided, which urks me to no end because he never mentions the fact that hes an alcoholic and THAT also had a lot to do with it...
So i wrote a note on the next page and just said..
I guess you should have told ME this instead of writing it on paper, and maybe all of this could have been avoided...

I told a friend about it and when she looked at it she got mad....she said im not gonna let you beat yourself up over this, its all about him and theres no mention of what he put you through...even before the A with his drinking...he still doesnt see what he did to his famy...
Got me thinking...he thought he was trying so hard but he really wasnt...his attitude was " i stoppede drinking, what else do you want??"
He will never get it...
He is picking up S14 tonight and i have a pile of stuff ive found that i have to give him..im just gonna stick it in there and be done with it...

On divorce court today, the judge said almost the exact same thing about the H. That he said I'm sober, so what else do you want?

Good he's coming to be with S14 tonight.
vc

My theory on this is that they don't tell us because they're projecting and we know it. OW, however, will look at him with puppy dog eyes and tell him he's so hard done by. She can't hold him to his bs because she doesn't know him. She can, however, uphold the narrative he's decided to write in his head to justify his behaviour, blame LBS and avoid responsibility for his actions and the pain he has caused.

In the case of the WAS, they don't even consider us reading their minds because none of it is real, blaming and *concerns* about the LBS didn't exist before the affair.