Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Like Two Sparrows in a Hurricane (1)

12/2 (Friday)
More texts. They last pretty much all day long this time.

I can’t remember exactly what I said but I know I paid him a compliment. He responded with “yeah yeah” like he usually does. He is modest and it’s his way of dealing with nice things people say about him. Then he said something like “old guy who still lives with his mom.” He said he wonders what people think of him.

To clarify all of that……Shortly after he lost his wife he stayed with his parents for a little while. His dad’s health took a turn for the worse and the stay got longer. He helped his mom and dad. His dad was in his late 90’s by then – this was his 2nd marriage and he had RC when he was in his 50’s. His mom wass only in her 70’s. He eventually sold his place and stayed there. The health with his dad got worse. Hospice finally came and they lost his dad earlier this year. That is also one of the things that hurt our relationship. Now his mom is having a toufh time with his dad being gone. RC is torn about still being there, but I know (based on things she has said) how much it means to her to have him there. I know he does a lot to help her. Just some history that I wanted to share on that…

I responded that it didn’t matter what other people think. I told him that I know he gets his guidance from someone else (referring to his faith), and then I said. “Okay, here is the really tough question, you ready?” He responded “Probably not. You know I NEVER am.” (meant to be a joke). And I asked “Why do you think you are still there? Really?” He replied back “OK, I am good then.”

That meant that he was there because he felt his mom needed him. I knew he knew that already, but I think he needed someone else to tell him. So he could stop listening to all the voices in his head telling him he was a failure.

The texts stopped shortly after.

I arrived at the church for the pastor’s surprise party later that night. A lot of people were there, including RC. The pastor was totally surprised. It was great. There was so much going on and I didn’t talk to RC much at first. Later when we all gathered in the fellowship happy, I already had found a seat when RC walked in. He was clearly torn about where to sit.

He started walking toward the table where I was, but then one of his surrogate daughters asked him to come sit with them. I was looking right at him, and could see him looking back and forth, trying to figure out what to do. Then one of our friends said, “I’ll sit with MAL” and she came up to sit beside me.

We all talked a lot. RC kept sliding his chair over to the end of our table beside me and talking with us. He would slide back to his table and then slide back over again. It was a great time.

Later we walked out together and hugged in the parking lot when we said goodbye.

On the way home I realized my cell phone was dead and wouldn’t charge. I was frustrated because I knew that I wouldn’t have my normal phone until I got a new one. That meant no text messages.

11/3 (Saturday)
No contact from RC during the day. No phone. I did have my work phone, but RC wouldn’t know to contact me there.

I reflected on the night before and how hard it was to hang out with him at the party. I felt like RC had seen my soul that Sunday before when I laid it all out there for him. It was like I was walking around “naked” or something, with everything exposed. No secrets. He knew all of me. All my heart. And for the first time since my divorce, I had taken a risk and a chance to be hurt. RC knew all of that. And I was standing there “naked” at the party. I hope that makes sense.

So as I was thinking about that, my defense mechanism kicked in (like it usually does) and I decided that he was interested in someone else, told me as much, and that I needed to move on. I don’t want to play this game anymore. Besides, it looks like I lost anyway.

The father of one of my friends (someone that I spent time with during that break from RC) had passed away the week before so I went to his funeral. After I took my younger son to find a new cell phone. We were running a little late though and ditched that idea until the next day (after church). I went to drop my son off at an event with one of his friends and I got a text on my work phone from RC.

“Isn’t that something?”

I responded “Huh?” No idea what he was talking about.

Then he said that he thinks he was sending texts to my other phone. Sometimes he would pick up the wrong one by mistake – just a coincidence this time.

He said he would re-send the texts.

The first one said “My mom tried a margarita today.”
The second one said “I forgot to tell you. You looked very nice in the purple sweater last night.”

When I saw the text about the sweater, my jaw dropped open, and then the biggest smile came over my face. That was followed with a comment under my breath “Damn you RC!” There I had almost convinced myself to move on, but clearly one sweet text, and I go to mush. Ughhh!!

I was driving and couldn’t really respond until we stopped. So each time I stopped I would text back to whatever he sent. I thanked him for the compliment and he responded with a smile. He explained that he let his mom taste his drink. The woman has never had alcohol in her entire life. The texts went on for a while.

I met a friend at a local place to watch a band and have some drinks. There were a few texts after I arrived, but I tried to refrain and enjoy my friend. I brought her up to speed on what had been going on with RC and I talking. She was encouraging me to respond to his texts. So I did. The texting went on all night off and on until we said good night to each other.

Hi MAL and welcome back to DBland.

I read through your story and all I saw was what you want, what you miss, and how you feel. I understand that you are wrapped up in some very powerful feelings now, but they seem to be mostly focused on you. You seem to be viewing the OP as sort of a competitor and you seem to be hoping that your history with him and your very strong feelings now will erase her from the picture soon so you can be back together with him. Where are his needs and feelings in this picture?

You didn't go into a lot of detail about why you broke up but you did break up; it was probably very painful for him. How will he know that getting back with you would be different? What has changed? How are you different now? Be very careful that it's not fear of being alone or regret for giving him up that's driving this, and that you're not "convincing yourself." What are your 180s?

In my opinion, you've put yourself out there and made your case, and now you need to back off the pressure so he can explore the other relationship. Let him learn what he wants, what is best for him. Be the best you there is, and create mystery, and let him come to you. Meet him where he is - match how he approaches you with how much you put forth to him, rather than pushing and pursuing.

A lot of us feel rejected and want our relationships back partly because we resent being rejected. Now that we're rejected we love the person more than ever and we promise to be better because we want to get our way - but we really haven't changed inside. Your situation is different in that you're the one who broke up, but there are similarities in that you want more what you can't have. Just be careful about that, so you don't get it back and realize you don't want it again. Real and lasting change....

I think given your situation you might let him know the door is open. Work on changing whatever it is that caused you to break up. Work on examining your motives. And let him come to you...or not. As they say, either way you're better off.

I wish you the best,
A.

12/4 (Sunday)
I arrived at Sunday school class with my Starbucks in hand as always. If I get up early enough for Sunday school, that is my treat. If my younger son is with me that weekend, he gets something too.

When I walked in I told RC I forgot that he likes Starbucks and said that if I am in a “good mood next week maybe I’ll bring you something. What do you like?” He told me and I made a mental note.

Class went on as usual and I sat beside him like I used to do. When class was over I asked him to take my stuff into the sanctuary and told him I was singing with the choir. He looked at me in shock. I said “I told you God apparently had some plans for me!” I could tell how happy he was. Then I said “Oh yeah, I’m singing a solo tonight for Hanging of the Greens too. Pray for me?” Bigger smile from RC after that and then he laughed. “Good Deal!”

When I walked up with the choir, the woman from our class (the one that I talked to at the Harvests Festival) leaned over and asked “Are you and RC back together?” I responded “We’re just talking.” She responded “I think the two of you will get back together. I think you two belong together.” What a nice thing to say and I hoped she was right. But I was trying not to get my hopes up.

I loved singing in the choir. When we finished I went down to where RC was sitting and there was all my stuff. I sat beside him like I usually would do. There was more distance than there used to be obviously. So I do get that we “are not together anymore.”

During church, he did his usual, put the coat behind my back thing. I had a big smile come across my face and I caught him out of the corner of my eye. He saw the big smile and he smiled. A few minutes later, I reached over to squeeze his hand and I whispered “Thank you.” I pulled my hand back too quickly apparently; because I missed his hand coming down to grab mine. I think he was just going to squeeze back, but all the same, I missed it. (Note to self – don’t be in such a hurry. I know you’re scared.)

We did the usual hang around and talk after church. But RC and I lingered in the church parking lot for at least an hour after. We talked and talked and talked. Neither of us was in a hurry to leave. While we were talking a young couple drove up. They said they were looking for a church to get married in. So RC and I took them into the church for a tour. Judy and her husband were still wrapping up some things and they have the couple some information and I gave them a business card with the church’s information on it.

How ironic that RC and I would give the tour. Funny.

RC and I finally stopped talking (can’t remember what time it was) but it was mid-afternoon by then.

I took my younger son to get our new cell phones (we had to get new phones by the end of the month anyway) and by the time we got home, I had to get ready for Hanging of the Greens.

I put on my prettiest Christmas sweater and made sure I sparkled and shined. My first solo and I had to make it special.

I got there early so I would be able to figure out the details. When my friend Kelly arrived, she walked up and hugged me and said “You look beautiful.” When RC arrived she had him take our pictures. She told me “If he doesn’t notice how great you look, the man is blind.” Big smile. We all sat together and the program was great.

I was shaking when I got up for my solo. I started with a story of one Christmas Eve many years ago, a night I had to stay home with my Grandma while my family went to church. Silent Night was the song I sang her that night and it made her cry. I won’t explain all of that now, maybe later. But I talked about what the song meant to me, I talked about forgiveness and salvation. Then I sang my song.

It went well. Not my best performance, but in a situation like that, you really can’t do anything wrong. It was from the heart and it was for my grandma. That is all that really mattered.

I went to hug the pianist after, because she had been so great working with me on the song. She had tears streaming down her face. Wow. That was a great moment.

I sat back down near RC and he leaned over and whispered “I was listening and thought to myself, Yep, her Grandma would have liked that. She would have been proud.” Big Smile.

After the service we all gathered in the fellowship hall for desserts. This time RC asked me where I was sitting and he sat beside me. We all had fun, talking as usual, with all our church friends there.

RC walked me to my car after and we stood there and talked for awhile. Minutes turned into 1.5 hours. We ended being the only ones left at the church. At one point he stopped me to point out something he could hear. It was the ocean several blocks away. He said “I think the wind shifted and you can hear it now.” There was silence for a few minutes as we listened to the ocean. When I finally looked at the time on my phone it was almost 11pm. We stood there THAT long talking. Interesting.


I think we could have easily stayed there much longer, and he would not have minded. But we both had work in the morning, and I had a 20 minute drive ahead of me to get home.

Under normal circumstances that could have been pretty romantic. But I was trying to keep things real and in check and not read too much into it.

I gave him the usual “one ring text” when I got home to let him know I was okay.

12/6 (Tuesday)
Texting about when we are going to go to the Christmas thing since we still had tickets. We are going to talk to his friend from church and see when she and her daughters can go. The oldest will be home from college soon. I knew I would see her at Bible Study on Wednesday and make a mental note to talk to her.

I threw out some dates, and RC responded with what worked. At first he said they were all fine, and then he said “Not the 31st” I didn’t ask why that date didn’t work, because my gut told me immediately why. He probably had something planned with his lady friend for that weekend – just a hunch. After all he hadn’t seen her since mid-November.

12/7 (Wednesday)
I went to Bible Study again and I talked to our friend from church. We confirmed that Saturday, 12/17 worked for everyone and we’d go to the Christmas thing then.

During Bible Study, I received a text from RC “You at church?” I quietly responded “Yes.” Then when we were about to start choir practice I responded again “Can I catch up with you after choir practice?” He responded “OK”

I called him on the way home from church. He just wanted to tell me about some credit card scam thing and wanted to warn me about it. It was really not a big thing at all. That conversation led to more stuff and we talked on the phone for about 45 minutes, way past the time it took me to get home. I sat in the driveway at my house just talking.

(Friends started telling me…I think he looks for excuses to talk to you….still trying not to read more into this than there could be….)


12/8 (Thursday)
RC normally goes to the Rec Center to work out on Tuesday & Thursday nights. I have been losing a little weight and need to tone, so we made arrangements for me to meet him there sometimes. He could show me how to use the machines and keep me motivated. I was still trying to see this as a friend thing. If I could have someone to keep me at it, then why not. If it’s something more, then that’s all the better – more time to flash my charm on him!!

So we arranged for him to go a little later than usual and I would meet him there.

We had a blast. I am so clumsy at times and that made for a lot of fun with a few things. We worked out on the machines and when we were done, he walked us into the gym and we watched volleyball. We stood there and talked for a long time.

When we were done, he walked me to my car and we talked more. I think we talked for over an hour that night.

12/9 (Friday)
Karaoke night with Kelly and other friends from church. She invited RC but he couldn’t go because he had to work late.

We exchanged some texts through the day. Again fun and light-hearted.

Kelly said, “MAL, friends don’t text all day long like this.” And she laughed. I replied, “Well Kelly, he said we will ALWAYS be friends, and he wanted to see where the thing with his lady friend will go. I see him as a man of his word, so that is all I have to go by right now. I never said he was a smart man though.” Lol

Karaoke was a blast. Kelly had a few too many adult beverages which made for great jokes later that night and through the next several days (including game night at her place the next night).

12/10 (Saturday)
The MAL defense mechanism kicked in again and I told myself to stop playing this game. Take the man at his word. You are friends. You know he is still talking to his lady friend who is 5 hours away. You are probably just filling a need at the local level.

I went for a bike ride. It was lovely. Crisp, breezy, and my cheeks were rosy pink. I rode for over an hour and didn’t get much else done as a result. I had to return home to get ready for game night at Kelly’s. I knew RC would be there like he always is, but I didn’t put any hope in anything for that night.

As I was riding I heard my phone go off. Another text from RC asking me what time I was going to Kelly’s. I responded and then more texts. The usual fun banter. Most of that banter was regarding him purchasing items for civil war re-enacting. He has missed it and will get started again in 2012.

Now if you can imagine a clumsy 47 year old woman trying to ride a bike and text…it’s a scary thought. I had to stop to text each time otherwise I would have injured myself! Lol

When RC arrived at game night later I could tell he got his hair cut – man I love his hair short. Then he took off his coat and I saw that he was wearing my favorite black shirt.

(((Self talk….C’Mon God? Are you kidding me? Is this some cruel joke? You must really have a sense of humor. All I can say is that man was looking very handsome and sexy that night and I couldn’t keep my eyes off of him.)))

Game night was a blast! We joked Kelly a lot about her adult beverages from the night before. Her husband made a few goofs during game night which also made for great jokes that we are still throwing out in Sunday school class now.

When he walked me to my car I told him how handsome he looked. He responded with his modest “yeah yeah” like he usually does. I also made a point of telling him that was my favorite shirt (in case he didn’t remember).

12/10 (Sunday) -- yes there is more to come….
I arrived at Sunday school class a little early with two cups of Starbucks in hand – one for me, and one for RC. He was the only one there when I arrived. I sat beside him and we started to chat about game night. I told him that I brought some clothes and tennis shoes with me so I could change after church. I thought it would be a nice day to take a walk on the beach. I told him that I know he likes walking down at the beach and he was welcome to join me if he liked. He didn’t really say either way. I didn’t know what he had planned after church and I didn’t ask. I just changed the subject.

Sunday school class was full of a lot of jokes about karaoke and game night, and Kelly’s husband was the recipient of much of the jokes.

I sang with the choir again, and loved it, and I sat with RC as usual. And you know the coat thing….of course.

After church, we were all talking in the hallway as usual, and RC’s mom told me she would offer me lunch today but she was going to go with friends out of town for a funeral. One of her high school friends had passed. I assumed at that point that I’d be leaving to go to the beach and didn’t consider RC at all.

I went out to my car to get my bag of clothes so I could change in the ladies bathroom. When I was walking back up to the church RC, his mom, and some other friends came out. RC said “I thought you left.” I replied “No, I wouldn’t leave without saying goodbye.” His mom asked what the clothes were for and before I could respond RC said “We’re going walking down at the beach for a little while.”

Okay, there’s my answer. Cool.

I met them at their house. She was getting ready for the funeral and eventually left. RC and I snacked a bit on some stuff they had there and then I changed my clothes. We drove down to the beach and then walked.

We fed the seagulls with some old bread they had, and I got some incredible pictures. One was when they were flying above us, and I just happened to catch the sunlight coming through their wings. It was an amazing shot and I am now using it as my Facebook profile picture (lots of comments when I posted it).

After the seagulls we continued walking. I decided it would be fun to go down the slide at the kid’s playground. He just watched and laughed.

As we were walking he asked if I wanted to go to the arcade for a little while. He said he does that sometimes when he is down there. I said okay. It was several blocks down the boardwalk and my foot was holding out (foot injury from earlier this year, more on that later). We spent about an hour in the arcade.

We made our way back toward the street where my car was and he asked “Have you eaten?” I responded, no, just the snacks at your house. He asked if I wanted to get some lunch at Wendy’s. So we walked to Wendy’s. We were there for an hour at least, eating, and talking.

Then we went back to my car. I drove him home and went inside to get my bag and stuff. He sat down at the table and seemed to be comfy. I stood there, not sure what to do, leave? Stay? I decided to take my coat off and sit down at the table.

More talking and talking and talking…..

I went to the restroom and when I came out he had turned on the football game in the den. I went in and his cat greeted me. I got down on the floor and started petting his cat. I looked up and said “I haven’t watched a football game in a couple of weeks.” He responded “Well, sit down and watch the game with me for a little while.” So I sat down.

One game turned into another game that went into OT. The next thing I knew it was 8pm and 60 minutes was on. Obama was talking. I told him that I couldn’t believe the time and I should get going.

But then his mom got home. So that meant more talking….we talked, and talked.

I didn’t not leave his house until after 10pm. OMG. Did I just spend the entire day and night with my ex boyfriend who is now my friend? And am I his best buddy now? Very strange.

I gave him the “one ring text” to let him know I got home okay.

12/11 (Monday)
No contact. Interesting when we just spend the entire day/evening together the night before.

12/12 (Tuesday)
Later in the day we exchanged some texts about meeting at the Rec Center at the usual time.
We worked out on the machines, this time focusing mostly on my abs. When we were done, he just started walking around like he didn’t know where to go. I just followed him. I asked what where we were going and he said it would be good to get some walking in. So we walked….around the hallways.

At one point it seemed like he wanted to sit on one of the benches but then turned around and started walking again. I almost had the impression that he was stalling so we didn’t leave (but I try to dismiss this stuff as false hope).

When we walked outside, he asked me to wait a minute so he could put his stuff in his truck. That was a clear sign that he wasn’t planning to leave anytime soon. He walked me to my car and we stood there and talked for an hour.

At one point we were talking about the ballroom dancing class they have at the Rec Center and when it starts again. We always talked about taking the class when we were dating, but never got around to it. When we were talking, he showed me how to waltz.

So there we were in the parking lot, dancing.

Next he showed me a dance they do at the civil war reenactments. It was more like a square dance and made me laugh. A car drove by during that one, and I saw the driver laughing.

It was a good time. And again, if it had been a different situation, that would have been a very romantic moment.

The usual “one ring text” when I got home.

12/14 (Wednesday)
The usual fun texting.
I got off work ½ day that day and went Christmas shopping. We exchanged a text with the lyrics to “Deck the Halls” but kept changing the words to laugh at the craziness at the mall and in the parking lot. It was funny,

12/15 (Thursday)
I was off that day and did more shopping. I had made a promise to his mom to take her for a mani/pedi at a spa near their house. It was a gift certificate I bought her for Christmas last year, but never took her to redeem it. It had been months now and it would expire soon. So I kept my promise. She deserves to be pampered sometimes. She is such a wonderful person, loved by all, including me. So I was planning to meet her at her place at 3:30. Then I would go to the Rec Center with RC after.

Since I didn’t have to work I slept in a little. Around 8:30 am, RC texted me to say he got the day off from work and was pleased to tell me that he also got a bonus. I love that he wants to share the good news in his life with me. I can tell I mean a lot to him during those moments.

He was going to take advantage of the day off and get some things done. Since he was off that meant he was home when I went to pick up his mom. It was a nice surprise. During our pedi/mani he sent me a text to ask how it was going – like I could type to respond. lol

His mom was so cute. She was pampered beyond her wildest dreams and when we were leaving she gave the lady a hug. It was so cute. I am so glad I was able to share that with her. She had never had a pedi/mani in her life, and had not work nail polish for over 50 years. Great moment!!

RC and I drove separately to the Rec Center since it is closer to my house doing that. Again there was more talking in the parking lot after. We sat on the curb this time while we talked.

12/16 (Friday)
More texting. It was silent in the later part of the day. Then he sent me a text to let me know that something he ordered had arrived in the mail. It was something for re-enacting and he wanted to tell me about it. He was obviously very excited. Again, I am glad that he wants to share life’s good moments with me. It means a lot.

I met Kelly for another wine tasting that night. RC texted me a couple of times when I was on my way there. We talked about the dinner and bottle of wine that I still owe him, and we decided that pork would be the best dish with the wine.

12/17 (Saturday)
I met RC and our friends at RC’s house to go to the Christmas thing. It started at 3pm and we didn’t get back to RC’s place until almost midnight. It was a very nice time. He gave a lot of attention to the two girls, as I would expect since he is almost like their father. Nothing significant happened while we were there. RC looked out for me a few times, like putting my hood up when it seemed it would be cold or windy. I know he cares deeply about me, so this is really not any surprise to me.

When we got back to RC’s house his mom was still up. Of course she wanted to chat, like we usually do. RC checked his cell phone, which he had left there while we were gone, and then walked over to show me a picture that his step daughter had sent to him. It was an engagement ring. Her boyfriend had just asked her to marry him.

I was so excited and gave him a big hug. I know how much they were hoping that his step daughter would marry this guy. She had been very lost when she was younger. She had a boy from a young marriage and then she and this guy had a baby together. The guy is a great influence on her, and is really good to the older boy. We just thought it might never happen. It was awesome news and we were all so happy. I couldn’t hold back my excitement displayed in the big hug I gave RC.

It was getting late and we had the Cantata the next morning. She was sitting at the table and I leaned over to give her a hug good bye. I stood there for a moment talking to her.

Then out of the blue, RC walked up behind me and put his arm around me. His arm went around my chest, and he gave me a big squeeze and just held me there for a moment. I don’t know what that was or what it meant, but it was VERY NICE. Especially because it was initiated by him (in whatever moment he was experiencing just then). I reached my hand up and grabbed his arm and squeezed it.

It only lasted for a fee moments, but it was very nice.

We said good bye and I got home around 1am, and then I sent the usual “one ring text” to let him know I was home.


12/18 (Sunday)
Sunday school as usual, followed by the Cantata.
I didn’t sit in the sanctuary like I normally do because the Cantata takes up most of the church service.

The other choir members had been practicing since September. I had 3 weeks. Talk about a challenge! I did okay though and really enjoyed myself.

When we were all getting settled in our seats before church, I notice two young people come into church. RC shook the young man’s hand and they sat on the pew near RC. I thought they were just visitors (appeared to be college age). After church I went over to the pew where everyone was standing and talking. RC introduced me to them. The young lady was someone he met on a mission trip over the summer (during the time that my son and I were in Israel). I shook her hand and told her it was great to meet her and that I had heard so much abut her. Then I was introduced to the guy, who was her friend. He goes to college here locally and she was here visiting him.

The daughter of one of our friends said they were all going out to lunch after church, and she asked RC and me to join them. We both said okay, and then they talked about where to go to eat. I walked away to talk to another woman from church.

While I was standing there talking to her, they slowly walked out of the sanctuary. Then I heard RC behind me “Yeah, we will be there in a minute if I can ever get her to stop talking.” He was referring to me. I think I heard a “we” so I think that means we are going together? I didn’t ask questions.

We walked out to the parking lot and instead of him making the turn to walk to his house to get his truck; he started walking to my car. I just went with it. He got in the passenger side and we drove to the place for lunch.

He offered to pay for the students and told the server. He sat beside me during lunch, which was nice. (I think people at church must be very confused by now. “Which girl is he dating? The friends at lunch must have been wondering the same thing.) When lunch was over, the server was bringing the checks. I told her that I would be on just one check. Then RC told her to put mine on his check too. Nice, got my lunch paid for by my ex boyfriend who is now my best bud.

I drove him home and he asked me to come in for a few minutes. His mom had gone grocery shopping and wasn’t there. So we had some alone time. I had mentioned bringing my clothes to walk on the beach. He eventually asked if I wanted to change. I went out to my car to get my clothes, and in a goofy MAL moment, got locked out his house.

Real classy huh? What a way to make a great impression on a guy. Thankfully RC knows me well by now, and I think it is actually one of the things he loves about me.

He realized I was locked out while I was going around to the other side of the house to look for an unlocked door. By the time I came back around to the front, the door was wide open for me. He was inside. We laughed.

His mom eventually got back and we helped her unload groceries. It was getting late by then and not much time for walking at the beach. I told him I was heading out. Then he offered to come with me. So we did the beach thing again…fed the seagulls and walked a little. It was getting dark by then, and we didn’t have cash for the arcade so we drove back to his place.

I stayed for a few more minutes. I didn’t want to overstay my welcome this time and went home.

That was followed by the usual “one ring text” to let him know I was home. That was followed by the good night and sweet dreams routine.

12/19 (Monday)
No contact again. I think this is now a pattern on Mondays. lol

12/20 (Tuesday)
No contact until late in the day.

I was leaving work to head home and change for the Rec Center. I had not heard from him and was determined to go whether he went or not. Then I got a text telling me he wasn’t feeling well and wouldn’t be going. I guess he assumed that the Tuesday/Thursday thing is always a “go” now even if we don’t talk. That was good to learn. (We are still not good at communication after all this time, can you tell?)

We exchanged a few texts about that and then about the college basketball game we were supposed to go to the next night (taking Kelly’s kids with us).

I went to the Rec Center and got in a little workout. It wasn’t as good as when RC is there, since I am not comfortable bench pressing alone, lol. But I was able to get on the bike for 20 minutes, which I normally don’t get to do. I had Rhapsody playing on my phone, and was jamming to my tunes in my ear buds. It was good.

Later RC texted me to say there was a mix-up on the game tickets and the game was mid-day, not in the evening. Bummer cause we couldn’t go. And worse, the kids couldn’t go either. I know they were really looking forward to it.

We talked about options on what to do with them, but nothing concrete. I told him I still needed to get Christmas gifts to him and his mom that next night. So I would be over his way regardless. We could decide if we wanted to do something.

12/21 (Wednesday)
We exchanged a few texts about ideas to do with the kids. I just didn’t have time to coordinate since it was a busy day. Later that day he said he was taking his mom to dinner. I called as I was leaving the office to figure out the plan and he asked me to meet him and his mom for dinner. Traffic was horrible and it took me for ever to get there. By the time we ate, she was late getting to church. (I had already decided not to go that night since we were not having choir practice and I thought we were going to the game.)

I met RC at his house after and brought in the gifts. We watched a movie and talked for a bit until his mom got back. Then we exchanged gifts. It was very nice.

They also have gifts for my boys, but we are going to coordinate that later so they can get them in person.

RC was showing me a gift that he received from his best friend, PH, and we were standing in his room. I glanced at the calendar his mom keeps on the door and it had “weekend guest” for the weekend of New Year’s.

I took that to mean that RC’s lady friend is coming to see them that weekend. It makes sense because RC’s mom insisted that we drive back from his sister’s house on Friday instead of Saturday. She said she needed to be back then, and the look on her face was one that told me she was hiding something. I know her very well.

This is all just assumption, and I have not asked. But I’m preparing either way. It should be interesting if RC and his lady friend are sitting there in Sunday school class on 1/1 when I walk in. I need to decide where I’m going to sit. SMILE After all the stuff with my ex H and OW, I know I have the strength for it, but do I want to do this? Not sure yet.

So, anyway, I sort of confirmed what I had been picking up on when I saw that. I went through the rest of the night and the gift exchange as planned and enjoyed myself. His mom was in the talking mood again and we sat in the living room and talked for a long time. At one point I said I needed to get out of their hair and let RC get some sleep (work in the morning) and she responded, “No wait. I want to tell you another story.” So I stayed. Hmmm…Is she stalling? No clue.
I heard RC’s cell phone ringing in the kitchen, and his mom mentioned it. He said he heard it and told her to continue. She went on talking. My guess is that it was his lady friend. And like some other nights when the phone has rang, he has ignored it.

And unless he is staying up really late, I am guessing there are some nights when he doesn’t get to talk to her, because he is with me.

I know he is being polite, but moments like that make me wonder if she knows about me. He knows how I feel about him, and I can understand why he wouldn’t answer her call while I am there. If the relationship was all open, he would be able to answer the phone and say “Hi. Marcia is here. Can I call you back in a little while?” Clearly this is an awkward and maybe not entirely honest situation.

Knowing he is a good man, and one of integrity, moments like that make me wonder what kind of turmoil he may be in right now.

11/22 (Thursday - yesterday)
It was a tough day for me. There was some stuff happening at work (including a reprimand for someone on my staff) and I had a doctor appointment with a specialist. I have two unrelated issues going on right now (more later on that). The one that morning involved a small procedure that left me some pain and discomfort for the rest of the day. They also scheduled an ultrasound (to confirm I don’t have cancer or anything). Having that on my mind was tough.

I knew that RC knew I had the appointment. So if he was my friend, best bud, or whatever he was, having him check on me would have been nice. But being the guy he is, and not always thinking straight, I think it slipped his mind.

I made a quick post on Facebook during a break to give an update to some friends who wanted to know how it went. RC must have seen that when he got home because later in the day he texted me. He wanted to know what the doctor said, how I was, etc..

I was having a very down moment right then, and he picked up on it. He was actually great with all the responses. I broke down in tears a few times that day, and his texts made me cry. I don’t know if it was happy, sad, or just glad that I knew I had a good friend in him no matter what happens. Either way, it was comforting.

He brought up two bible verses that I had tucked into one of his gifts the night before (something he needs for re-enacting), and he said that the timing was good. Told me I could use them. He said some more stuff, but the theme here is that in that moment, his timing was impeccable.

It reminded me to not be so hard on the guy.

His family was coming over last night to have dinner and exchange gifts, since he and his mom are leaving later today to drive to his sister’s house. So we didn’t talk anymore after that.

I ended up crawling in bed with my laptop last night and was surfing Facebook. Then I decided to come here to the DB forum and share my story.

That brings us to today.

I am off from work today. My family is meeting her Sunday morning for breakfast and gifts. I still have a lot of cleaning to do and I still need to wrap gifts.

RC and his mom are leaving today to drive to his sister's for Christmas. He will be coming back late Sunday or early Monday. We aren't sure yet.

I took advantage of the day off and slept in a little. My oldest son was coming to pick up my younger son at 8am for Christmas shopping, and I knew my son needed some spending money.

So I set my alarm to make sure I was up at 8am.

At around 7:45 am, RC sent me a text to tell me that his family were there late last night and told me who all was there.

He also told me about something he did with his grandson that made the grandson giggle (inside joke about a goofy song that is out).

Then he said that his step daughter said she wanted him and her bio father to walk her down the aisle at her wedding. I know that made him feel good.

We exchanged texts for a couple of hours.

I thanked him for the encouraging words yesterday and told him how great his timing was with the texts.

I typed "HUG" and he responded "HUGS"

It's been silent for a little while now and I need to get on with my wrapping and cleaning.