Nothing has changed going on 6 months of separation and the D is in full force. I have to provide tons of statements within 2.5 weeks. Almost done with it. Latetly been feeling that I don't want W back. I don't know if I could ever be in an R with her again. I am starting to like being independent. I never realized how much control W had over my life in every respect. I am really feeling content with myself have learned alot about me. Some things I like others not so much but working on those. I am definently becoming a better father. Have a great one
PS if it wasn't for the people here I don't think I would have made it this far thanks everyone.
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
Just wanted to send a note of support. The D process is so draining on so many levels. Hang in there. Glad to hear that you have found a greater degree of independence and self-contentment over the last six months. Good for you.
I know what you mean when you say that you may not want your W back and that you're not sure if you could ever be in a R with her again. I have felt the same way during my S. FWIW (I am a DB newbie), be present and take it one moment at a time. If the D happens, the work you have done on yourself has put you in a position to engage in a loving relationship in the future. If you and your W are able to reconcile, the man you have become will make for a better M. Continued good luck and best wishes.
Rick, it sounds like you are in a good place. It sounds like you may have reached a point of ambivalence. You're where you need to be. Keep working on yourself. You never know what might happen. If you are in a place where you know you will be OK, then that's a very, very good place to be.
Hi Rick, I have been reading through your posts. You have given me hope that no matter how my situation turns out there is light at the end of the tunnel and happiness awaits!
M:(f) 35 W: 45 3 dogs and 2 cats T: 9 years 9/30/11 I love you, but I'm not in love with you OW confirmed 12/23/11
hey rick-- I'm glad you are in an ambivalent place. I personally go back and forth sometimes. Some days/moments I'm totally ok with it -- then something happens (usually something about OW, LOL) and I crash.
You have been making a ton of progress though. I'm glad we've found this board. it's been my lifesaver in this, the hardest time of my entire life so far!!!!!
Me (f): 45 W(f) 35 T: 13 y C: S4 adopted at birth 6-18-11 bomb: I want to break up 8-28-11 OW confirmed
You all know I have your back while we have each other we will survive this horrible experience. No matter who did or said what. I am so grateful to have you on my side. Really a life saver.
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
I just want to give newcomers a word of hope and share what I have learned so far. When I came here the words GAL, and PMA were confusing to say the least. It is hard to feel anything other than depression, fear, dispair, and anxities. Your head is always spinning and the emotional pain is unreal. The rejection from your WAS is hard to understand and accept. You come to believe that you are at your WAS's mercy. There are unintended consequences with all of this, for me it was weight loss. I was not overweight but I lost 20lbs, could not sleep more than 3 hrs and the crying for no reason became a problem at work.
I am by no means an expert DBer nor have I been successful at repairing my R, yet. But you must GAL and have a PMA. I know it is hard to grasp the concept at 1st but in time you will get it. For me it began to take meaning. For me it was to look good at all times, bought new clothes to go with the weight loss, listen to upbeat music on my way home, got my nice watch out of the drawer and got new batteries for it. Forced myself to be around others (doing better at this).It has now been about 3-4 weeks that I feel ok emotionally. How can you not. People of both genders are always commenting on your appearance and the way you are dressed. After a while you start to feel good about yourself. Even my D said I look thin and likes my new dressing style. If so many are noticing changes so must you WAS, right? How can she not. I am not saying that I don't get depressed but it is now for a brief period and when it comes on I go for a mile walk. I am now sleeping about 6-7 hours. I wake up once at around 1:30 am but fall back asleep.
So if you feel that those horrible feelings will be always be there, they won't if you follow the guidance of those experienced DBers in here. Hang in there
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
