Morning mindfull! So glad I saw this before logging off. I am enjoying my coffee while reading the boards a bit. The service doesn't start till 10 so I have quiet morning to myself, well me and the dog
Yes he was drinking alone at first, and has before. I had a glass of wine while I was cooking dinner and he had a beer at that time. From there he proceeded to break out the shots (alone) and it continued when he got next door. Beer and a few more shots.
Sadly my neighbors 25 year old son was the one "babysitting" (in his words) and kept coming in to report to us (neighbor W and I). So embarrassing.
His BF is an admitted alcoholic and he uses him as a way to feel "normal", well I am not as bad as X. Last night he made X look good.
Yes I am very glad to have my plans today, and I am honestly doing it for me. I am looking forward to it very much. I enjoy my kids, can't think of a better day.
My BFF is behaving a lot like your H. Covering personal/marital problems up w/a buzz...
That's why I asked if he was demoing alone...
She and I are close to having a discussion. Sadly, her H is just as guilty...
I enjoy cocktailing, and relaxing w/wine. I can never remember getting drunk to cover my problems. Also, how do you parent w/a buzz? (BFF has six kids btw...!)
Check in and let us know how the day goes.
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Church service was very nice. It is a small church so I stood out immediately as a visitor. The pastor came over to introduce himself and the woman in front of me did the same. Beautiful Christmas music and a good message. I'm so glad I went. As I was leaving the pastor thanked me for coming. I will definitely go back next week.
When I got home, the boys were playing video games. I asked them if they wanted to go bowling in a bit. S17 said yes and S15 said he was too tired, and had been very busy all weekend and wanted to rest. He asked if we could do it one night this week instead, so I agreed.
I went to the kitchen and baked some Christmas cookies and listened to Christmas music. Once I was finished with that, I dove into my book.
Later afternoon, I had to do a bank run and Starbucks. S17 asked to go with me. Once in the car, he said "are you ok mom" and I assured him I was but asked why he was concerned. He said "you just seem busier than usual today so I was wondering"
Later H said that S17 had asked him the same question and said that I seemed sad. I said "thats interesting because when he asked me, he never mentioned the word sad"
I think that was H's interpretation and he was saying it was S17
H was very attentive yesterday, the more I detached the more he pursued which is always awkward. I think a part of it was feeling guilty for getting so drunk the night before. I just stayed the course and did for me, and was pleasant.
Later in the day S15 asked me if we can compromise and play Wii bowling. I said that would be fun. H asked to play as well.
Once the kids went to bed, I took my book to bed and called it a night.
I don't know how well I did, and it didn't go as I originally hoped but it won't always.
One thing that I noticed was that his face seemed to change yesterday, he didn't look like the man I fell in love with. Most likely because he is not that man right now. I am guessing some of it was the hangover, but he just looks tired and maybe a bit older.
Call with DB coach is today...let the countdown begin.
I went bowling with my sons this weekend. We laugh a lot when bowling because we're not very good and they get to see the fun side of me, which they haven't been able to enjoy for awhile.
Have your sons seen you sad before, in other situations? I think many times we try to hide our true emotions from our kids and then when we can't, and they see it, it scares them.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
Had a great call with DB coach and actually was able to hear some things that I needed to hear. I came away with a plan and just need to start putting into practice, which will take time and practice. Some of it is very unnatural for me but makes perfect sense.
She really helped me to see where I am truly at and what I need to do to get back on track, and use some of the new tools that I am trying to learn.
So today the hard but rewarding work begins. I have no control over H's decisions/actions nor do I want it. I can't speculate on what he is thinking, doing, planning. It is putting too much energy in the wrong place and won't help my situation in any way.
I do however have control over my own, and plan to do the hard work to better myself continually and even challenge myself to look at some of the things that were true (things that H said). By helping myself in this way, I will become a stronger and better person which in the long run will help all of my relationships. So why wouldn't I do it, right?
H has accused me of being controlling, and I can see where I have been in some instances. I have reacted and acted out of fear many times and this will always come across as either controlling or desperate, neither of which is attractive.
I realize that I may have never gotten over the A that occurred years ago. I may not have thought about it regularly or often but occasionally it would rear its ugly head. Inevitably it was damaging in many ways. I think I held on to it and each time I felt rejected in anyway, it would bubble up. I will be dealing with this with IC and finding a way to rebuild.
I've started to journal daily which is so helpful to me, just to get some things out on paper and out of my own head. Things that are too private to even post anonymously here. I am learning to replace the guilt and shame that I have felt for a long time. I am learning to love me again
Between the stress of my sitch, taking better care of myself and running I have managed to lose 29 pounds over the past few months. I am feeling stronger, looking better and continuing to take care of me.
DB coach said that although H hasn't discussed much, she doesn't expect him to. She feels as if we have entered "friendship" and need to keep it there. So while I am working on me, I can also work on this friendship. Because whether we are M or not, we will need to find a way to friendship in order to coparent our kids. I was also made aware that I have to consider my expectations and adjust them to where we are at right now. A very good reminder.
Today I am planning to hit the gym, get some last minute Christmas gifts, and head to the book store tonight. Getting out of my own head and trying to not think about my sitch if at all possible.
