Can't edit the last post, but I forgot to add that H hasn't called the counselor yet. I've always pushed for counseling, so I want to take a step back for a change. I'll be happy if he just starts going to counseling on his own without me interfering.
On the other hand, I really feel like we need an outside force to help guide us. He has always been somewhat resistant about going, but he says that its really about money with this counselor. We both like him and he really made H think, however, he is expensive. We're supposed to be getting an invoice from him soon so that we can recoup some of our out of pocket costs. I'm hoping that is when H will make some sort of move in respect to setting up another appointment.
I hope he will set up another appointment, even as expensive as it most likely is, it would be worth it, and it's cheaper than a D. I went to IC, because my H refused to go. I bet your H would get a lot out of IC, if you could find a really good pro marriage one. It makes you feel kind of empowered to help yourself. Hopefully, you'll get back enough of your out of pocket expenses, that he will see it's not unaffordable.
Creamed Spinach?? Oh my goodness, I love that. I want your recipe. I buy lots of fresh spinach every week to use in wraps for H and S's lunches. I always ate my spinach as a kid. They say it makes you big and strong, maybe that's why I have survived this crapola.
I think it that we will make it to counseling again, but I am going to let it be on his own time. H wants to see the counselor again and has even said that he wants to see him individually. I also need to see a counselor on my own, but I really want to do my homework and find a good one instead of settling for the first person that I think is suitable.
I'll message you a copy of my creamed spinach recipe in a minute. I usually use frozen spinach just because I'm lazy, but I too eat a lot of salads with fresh spinach. Not big on green smoothies, but I'm experimenting with that also. Who knows, you might be right about survival and people who eat a lot of spinach...
Things have been calm. I'm getting ready to send you that recipe now. When I know a recipe by heart, I rarely measure anything out. I'm gonna try my best to write down the exact proportions that I use.
I've only had green smoothies a few times and they weren't that great, but I'm going to try adding green apples next time. I'll let you know how it turns out.
We had a pleasant holiday, a good weekend and its been an okay week so far. Still kind of absorbing some things that were said, but that's to be expected. My main concern is getting back into therapy right now.
20 ounces frozen spinach 2 tablespoons of butter 1/2 package creamed cheese 1/4 cup chopped onion 2 cloves chopped garlic 3/4 cup parmesan cheese 1/2 cup heavy cream
Leave out frozen spinach until it is completely defrosted. Let creamed cheese soften at the same time. Saute garlic and onion in butter for 1/2 minutes. Add spinach and saute until fully cooked. Add in creamed cheese little by little until fully incorporated. Add in heavy cream and stir. Add the parmesan cheese and mix until it begins to melt. Should be ready in about 20 minutes.
I'm going to fix that this weekend, if I can wait, sounds so yummy! Thanks. And that is exactly the way I cook, too. Unless I am baking a cake. By the way, the chocolate cake was a hit. Amazing how much better tasting homemade stuff is.
Well, I am glad you had a nice holiday. Hope it wasn't too difficult to be around family. It was easier for me that none of my family ever knew. I hope your H calls the C on his own, but if he doesn't, what will you do? Is he still reading the books he bought?
Hope you enjoy the recipe! Been making it for years. I'm glad the chocolate cake turned out good. I'm going to be good after pigging out at Thanksgiving, but I might ask you for that recipe later.
Well, being around family isn't terribly difficult, but I am still upset that my mother decided to tell everyone. I told her in confidence, but I've recently discovered that she's a big gossip and has some issues that she pretty much refuses to address. My other relatives are pretty okay with things, at least superficially.
I believe that he's still reading the first book. Haven't seen it in the house, but did see it earmarked in the car - which is where he takes his breaks. He told me the other day that he had a dream and our counselor was in it. I didn't say anything, but I think that its weighing heavily on his mind.
H is worried about finances as he is facing a furlow in less than two weeks. I do think he will call the counselor eventually, but I know that he really can't afford it right now. I would like to pay for it myself because we really need it, but I don't want to emasculate him. Have to try to find bring this up tactfully.
On Monday he told me that he told ow that he couldn't see her anymore. Told me that he wanted to stay her friend. How they practically grew up together. I bit my tongue mostly, but I did tell him that I was not comfortable with it.
Then he said that she wanted him to do something for her house as she was going to busy at work the next day. H basically wanted to get my blessing for being honest. Repeated that he was tired of lying to me and wanted to insist that he would set boundaries. After hearing him go on for a few minutes, I had to try really hard to keep it together.
First, I told him that I appreciated him being honest. Over the last week or so he has told me about every time he saw her recently. Keeps insisting that there was nothing physical, but he did confirm what I already knew about his coming home late from work, etc. She's treating him like an errand boy and he seems all too happy to comply. The receipt for the plunger, buying some last minute stuff for her Thanksgiving dinner under the pretenses of being a 'good guy.'
After I said that it was good that he felt he could trust me with this information without blowing up, I reminded him that this is exactly what he did with ow#1. Kept saying that she was just his friend, that she was in a relationship with someone else and that they only talked rarely. Fortunately at the time, ow#1 was 200 miles away. This one is 15 minutes away. He's only reconnected with her 2 months ago, and they basically hopped in the sack immediately.
I told him that I would not condone him attempting to maintain a friendship with someone that he crossed that line with. Working on a newfound 'friendship' should not be more important than being with your family. Then I said that I would not or could not stop him from doing whatever it is that he wanted to do. Either I go with it and become increasingly resentful or fight him on it and he slinks back into a corner.
He then repeated that he was only going to be her friend and that he loved me, blah, blah, blah. I can't really remember the rest because I zoned out. I made dinner, he ate and left for work at his usual time.
This morning, he asked me what was wrong. I told him the truth and said that I was feeling anxious. Not about him going to her house but because I just didn't feel comfortable with them being friends. I think I said this verbatim "She's probably saying to herself, 'Yeah, that's what you said now but you'll be back' - and that's what I'm thinking, too. I don't feel its fair that you ask me to do something you wouldn't do yourself. I am not comfortable with your friendship with her because it is obvious where it will lead again.'
He nodded his head a few times and we watched TV. A few minutes later he said that he wasn't going and laid down. His phone was left in the living room, so there was no way for him to call or text her. I'm pretty confused right now.
What is he getting from these relationships that he's not getting from his own family? My H too liked to be the knight in shining armor for people (always attractive women, never men or unattractive women). He chose to marry a strong independent partner but he then spends his time on stray kittens. I don't know the answer either but it's a question you should be asking. What emotional needs is he seeking out this attention for, and is he willing to try to get those needs met within your marriage?
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
Okay, so he told ow, he didn't want to see her anymore, then he tells you he wants to be her friend? Sounds like a bunch of twaddle and shite to me. And then ow just, what? ignores him and tells him she wants him to do some work around her house? I am sure it must make you crazy to hear all this stuff. You said you were confused right now? I think HE is even more confused. I hope he is getting something out of his books that he hasn't gotten from C. He is acting like he wants to try, and he did go lay down, instead of going to ow's. I wonder if ow burned up his phone while he was sleeping. He still don't get a pat on the head yet.
THAT'S why I didn't tell my family. I couldn't have stood the looks and comments, plus how they might treat him later. There's always someone in the family who is like the town crier! H's family didn't know. either.
How long will your H be off work for? That will be hard on you both.
Yeah, I'll be glad to exchange recipes anytime. Gotta go fix dinner now. vc
You go first.