Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers PA - Confirmed - Blinkers are off.

Or maybe since it got no reaction it wasn't worth the cognitive dissonance in her head.



Well... yes, you do, but you're also human But since you know you sound pathetic, identify why it's pathetic and then what are you going to do about it? Earlier today when I was weeping because I knew if I told my w about my weight loss she wouldn't care I started with my breathing exercises to center myself. Once I was centered and calmer I remembered that the weight loss was for myself, my kids (so I'm a better role model and around longer), and then for her (or whomever comes along someday to take her place).



Well... yes, the OM is a symptom of the problems. More a symptom of her problems - that actually believing the solution to a problem is to run away from it. Don't own the OM. She made that choice. You had a role in creating a M where that seemed like something worthwhile, but you didn't tell her to go have an A. She did that all by herself. And you're already owning your role in this so don't own the OM too.

It's also easier to leave than have to face the path of destruction she's left in her wake.

WHG, love what you said there. I have to remember that myself, when W doesn't ask me one thing about my day or take notice of what I've been doing. No matter how cold W comes off, I got to remember that I am doing this for myself first.

Amen and amen. It's for US -- I too get sad b/c everyone notices how much better I look ---- W barely looks at me, hardly EVER looks me in the eye any more.

We are improving=== if they miss it, they miss out. And we're the ones working hard to save the M. I agree with this quote, and every incarnation I've heard of it.....

"It's also easier to leave than have to face the path of destruction she's left in her wake." WAS cut and run when it's too hard. Textbook.....

And as long as she's sure of that, she's not going to change the course she's on.

OPPORTUNITY MISSED.


Starsky

One of the most gratifying things from this whole debacle has been my S's new found interest in exercise and eating right. If he's up and I haven't run yet he always asks to go with. He pushes me to take walks with him. He has greatly increased his intake of fruits and veggies. He's been a husky kid his whole life. Part of that is genetics... he's just a big kid. But part is being too sedentary and diet. He sees his old man running every day and like any kid wants to be like his parents. Always try to find the silver lining in these very dark storm clouds.

Starsky has a point.

You don't have to do what you are uncomfortable with, but you have an 'opportunity' to not be predictable. Change your routine up slightly, it doesn't have to be drastic.

What is her stereotype of you?

She knows I am hard-working, loyal, dependable and will be there no matter what. She thinks I'm funny (or at least used to).

It's kind of hard to be the opposite of those things - and not sure I want to be.

You can still be dependable without being predictable. Do you agree?

I was thinking the same thing 2TP. Dependable means doing what you say you will do, being responsible, and following through. Predictable is something else entirely.

I consider myself highly dependable. Yet, the night before Thanksgiving I went out with friends... highly unpredictable, especially if you know me. But I knew that my son would be up around 6 or 6:30 on Thanksgiving morning and I had to be home and in some shape to be with him. I chose to come home around 1am, though I had in my mind that I may stay out later if I ended up sleeping somewhere as long as I was home so W could go to work. That's the dependable part.

Conversely my W is predictable right now but not highly dependable. If there's a chance to go out she will. But she may call in sick to work, may not be home, may get the kids to school late, etc...

They are not the same thing.

I'm not sure I do agree - when you have a child with special needs, you need to be predictable. Are you going to be there for them, when they wake up at 2am when you need to comfort them.

My W knows I will be there for her. Knows I will "half-sleep" in case ny D9 wakes up in the middle of the night.

Spoke to my sister this evening and gave her the "complete picture" - she's right "W - does not deserve you", but you know what, my girls do - So while I am "permitted" to be a full-time dad, I will be there for them and I will be predictable.