Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy DBing against OW...?????

(((((((((((((((((ITM)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Big hugs to you sweetie. You'll make it through this.

thanks Mish...i needed that right about now...i dont know what has changed but I feel like its so hopeless now...I had been doing fine until Thanksgiving...and the fact that he text happy thanksgiving to me was a positive but this whole move oout of our old house...we bought that house right after we got married and raised all 3 of the boys in it...we did so much work to it, it just breaks my heart that our home is gone. although he kind of ruined it by having his A there..it felt so dirty to me everytime ive been there this week.
I feel like now that he has his own new place the A will escalate..and my son will be spending time there so im worried how that will work. He has hidden it from him and I know that S14 cant handle that right now..he is such a wreck, but im worried that H will just let it out of the bag to make it easier for him to have her around.
S14 is already asking if dad will get married again and have more children...Im just worried for him. and sad for me. and sick of all of it.
I start an intership in the morning that will be full time for a month so that will keep me busy as far as the going dark. and i guess Tues at Co Parenting i will just "act as if"...and pretend this weekend never happened.
Thanks for all your support today..its been hard and its helped that all of you have replied and sent support my way.
I so appreciate it..

Yep, the disregard will blow your mind. Early on in my sitch, my W told me explicit details about her sex life with OM. (Barf!) Also, she would watch me literally clutch my heart in pain as she told me reason after reason why OM was better than me, and say in a very cheerful, indifferent tone, "Oh, yeah, that's psychosomatic pain. It's normal."

Normal people -- people with hearts and functioning brains -- don't act like this. So consider such behavior as being very telling of just how WHACKED out of their minds they are. (Trust me, it has helped me keep my own sanity during a time when it seems like there is no sanity in the world.)



It probably will. But it will also flare out that much quicker, too. Once that bright, passionate "head-over-heels" period goes by, there probably won't be much more to their R.

Abbey's right, go dark as soon as you can. You'll detach from their nonsense so much easier if your H is in your life as minimally as possible.

Ive had a realization this morning...
His behavior now is exactley the same as when I moved out of the house when we first seperated!
He was still drinking and just recentley admitted to takeing RX drugs at that time (which was a HUGE shock!) His friend had just died and he was spending every minute at his house (2 hr drive away) with his friends wife/widow to the point were I had a feeling there was something going on or it was heading in that direction (he would get up really early and leave before I woke up so as not to have to tell me were he was going..would stay weekends "helping" her around there house, went to the funeral with out telling or asking me to go etc...)
At this point he is spending all his time with people who drink in front of him and keeps alcohol in the house "for his friends"..several times ive been to the house and there is beer in the fridg. The OW drinks..as do all the people he is spending his time with.
this has me assumeing that he is drinking again or is heading in that direction....I know its obviouse but that would explain the over night "i want a divorce" and change in behavior....
yet he is still saying he will be sober 2 yrs in feb. and has told me he is not drinking...but as my friends have pointed out he is not exactley credibal right now...
I cant believe that he would start drinking again after all his hard work but i cant help but see the similarities in his behavior..and he keeps saying that being with me is a risk to his sobriety, yet having beer in his fridg and hanging with drinkers 24/7 is not????????

Alien abduction. Their brains are so far out in the orbit, they simply do not think straight. Hanging around drinkers and has beer in the fridge means he's drinking. (If he's not, ... it won't be long.)

I did really well on my first day at internship...really enjoyed working with everyone and learning the ropes. at one point I was so excited about working with the patients and doing so well I thought "I cant wait to get home and call H" and then i realized he doesnt exsist anymore and doesnt give a crap what im doing...that would have been something 3-4 months ago he would have been proud of me for...made me sad for a minute.
But its a new start for me and im really excited even if it is working for free ..im hopeing i get these hours knocked out quickly and find a job just as quickly..:)

Great job on the internship situation! Definitely a great GAL opportunity.

I'm with Abbey, it sounds like he's drinking or won't be too long before he's on that path. An alcoholic keeping beer in his fridge is like a heroin addict keeping an unspent hypodermic needle full of junk in their arm. And his constantly being around drinkers is like passersby accidentally bumping into the needle. With that set-up, it's only a matter of time.

I wonder...is he with OW because she enables his drinking, or is he drinking because of the guilt he feels about being with OW and choosing to ruin his life and M? Hmmm...makes you wonder.

Well, if she's enabling him. He'll have to get rid of her to get back his sobriety. That's a given. Baby steps.

before i read further- and perhaps it's in this thread, I think the saying is


"Be a woman only a fool would leave"...

gives you something to live UP to, rather than merely avoid becoming...make sense?

To be honest, I dont really know if he is drinking or not..but just makeing an observation that this behavior is familiar a bit..I cant do anything about his drinking or not drinking and its doesnt effect me anymore. I will be aware though because i will not put my son in that situation again with him.

S14 had appt with C this evening..we spoke breifly before he saw S and C is concerned that S still does not know about OW and is bound to find out. He feels that I was put in a position to lie to my S but I told him I am in NO HURRY for him to find out. He Thinks H should tell S14 asap..before we run into them around town or S14 shows up at Hs house and she is there.
I really dont want him to know...im still pondering on my reasons for this but I know that he has sooo much going on right now that everyone is worried about him, and this will just be one more thing...also H is being so insensitive that Im afraid for how he will present it...
I also would like some advice on something..
ive asked this before but havent gotten alot of feed back on it...We have Co Parenting session on Wed. How do I combine "going dark" with that???!!! I really have no desire to discuss anything with him right now after this weekend...There IS no Co Parenting going on here...H didnt even show for S14s appt tonight and he is the one who scheduled it. And the fact that S14 could have been with me when i pulled up to the house and OW was there really makes me think...
any thoughts???
I AM really proud of myself with the internship..i worked hard going to night school to get this and im excited to be actually doing it now. and im hopeing its going to keep my mind busy...