Regressed? What would cause a person to regress? I've seen regression in people that were moving forward and getting through their stuff but then all of a sudden feel uncomfortable in their new self. Or maybe regression is really rebellion?
I think more a percentages game than a numbers game.
"accepting decent" I was referring to a time when I would have "happily" accepted a poor marriage just to still have one. That was a long time ago and a different me. Right now I can't imagine my wife being the things I really want but I don't know for sure. I think maybe she was at one time.
I'm doing well yes. I'm generally pretty happy despite things. Once in awhile I get angry and think screw it. I don't always know how committed I am to standing. Sometimes I am and sometimes not. But I guess that I have.
She didn't stay tonight. I should have known that would be the case. 3 nights would have been too much. We did kiss a bit more often than usual. I know that probably sounds weird for a couple that is "separated". But we still do kiss. I've been limiting that to hello and goodby only but today it was a little more than that. But that makes it even more confusing.
There is a bit of suspicious activity with the cell phone.
When I went on a trip last week and would have normally used it. It was conveniently left at her place. That's unusual because it's her normal MO to make sure I have everything I need on a trip.
Today when I walked into her office she removed the cell phone from her desk in a manner that seemed like she was hiding something. When I asked her for it she did a lot of what looked like deleting of things before allowing me to see it.
Crap.
I still don't think there is a PA although it's possible. But an EA, yeah there seems to be something.
So now that I know there's something going I'm really in a quandary.
On one hand things seemed to be progressing. We've made plans to attend several parties together tomorrow and Friday.
But today I get my previous suspicions confirmed and all of a sudden parties don't sound so good. Again I have no idea what I want. Do I want to still try to save the marriage? I don't know.
I know many on these boards have gone through so much more. With their spouses blatantly cheating. I can't imagine and don't want to.
I don't know how long any of this has been going on. 7 years? a few months?
I don't know if we were actually on a path to reconciliation and she was hanging on to the OM (Those two letters were hard to type)
I don't know if I want to be married to a woman I no longer trust.
and more urgently I don't know if I should go tomorrow or not.
Not easy for someone who usually knows, well, just about everything.
I did not respond positively to her email. I thought it over for awhile but responded with an email signifying that I knew there was at least some kind of infidelity.
She asked that I visit her family after she has left.
So looks like I'm mostly alone for the holiday.
It's come to a head and either way I think that had to happen. As uncomfortable as it is.
I'm with you, Huh... not much to say... you're in a pretty good mind frame to deal with it... even though it sux...
My policy is to assume it's a PA and ongoing until there's irrefutable proof it is not... not necessarily a recommended viewpoint for everyone... YMMV...
Thanks. I am in a good mind frame. I've actually been wondering if I'm ok because I am not devastated completely. I'm not jumping for joy but emotionally I have felt worse than this. 7 years ago when this first arose I was literally catatonic. I've had some rough moments today but mostly manageable. Who knows what the roller coaster will reveal.
I think that is a good policy albeit difficult. I may be in denial about the possibility of a PA. Don't know. But my correspondence with her has assumed PA. She has not denied PA but only expressed remorse that she did not have what it takes to ask for D 7 years ago.
Strange this is. I've thought we were on the road to Reconciliation most days. Even today, when I had been the one to push it to a head, she tried to sweep it under the rug. Yesterday after I left to cool off she even had breakfast made for me when I got back. Her actions are in conflict with her beliefs. She has been somewhat affectionate, always looks out for me, generally wants to spend time with me. Our outlook on things is generally in harmony. We fit each other like a glove. Yet she states our relationship is mediocre and we each deserve better?
I spent this evening with her parents. No R talk or anything other than it's obvious that they want to help but know they can't. We just visited. I was grateful to have someone to spend the evening with even though there were moments I wasn't sure I could handle being around anyone at all.
I'm sitting here reading articles on infidelity and I am constantly reminded of so many statements by W condemning infidelity. Statements of disgust for men who cheat. Just last week she was livid when we were discussing The Clinton scandal. She was furious that he wasn't immediately impeached.
We have a friend who's husband is cheating. She feels her friend is stupid for not leaving.
The subject has come up a lot and I have noticed that there is undue emotion surrounding it.
One theory I have is that there was a PA 7 years ago. It was at the funeral of an ex bf's grandfather. Maybe a one time fling. Shortly after that I was joking about something and she flew off the handle thinking I was accusing her of infidelity. That's when our problems started.
She came home that night and there was something wrong but we had mind blowing sex that night. Since our sex life was nearly non-existent at the time it blew me away but I always wondered what sparked it. When we went to MC later she claimed she felt she was still in love with him but later said that was a mistake.
