Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Thought the roller coaster had bottomed out

Hi Ajay. Take care of yourself. Get a massage for the personal touch. If it makes you feel better schedule one regularly for your own mental health.

I am not sure what to do now as far as communication goes. I am wanting to ring her and suggest an evening out. In view of Friday morning, I hoped it would be received well, but will do nothing yet until I get some advice. Perhaps I should not contact her and see if she gets around to calling me?

As you csn probably tell, I am having a difficult day today with coping.

Massage would be nice. I have looked into it but all massage services seem to be "ladies of the night" and that is not something I am interested in investigating. Still looking though.

Yikes, that's not what I was suggesting! Around our side of the ocean most nicer hair salons and "day spas" offer massage treatments, facials, and nail care, with absolutely no "happy endings"! Swedish is just nice soft touch and Therapeutic is deeper muscle kneading. If you want to be absolutely sure you're not being misunderstood, you could go for a facial. They cleanse, steam and massage your face and it's wonderfully relaxing. You come out with great clean skin too. A dermatologists' office would likely offer facial treatments.

I've found that having a person's hands on you is very healing and energizing, worth paying for when your spouse is cr*ppy.

So true adinva, I went for a swedish massage just last week and it was just what I needed.

Been avoiding reading here because it was distressing me so much to read of other's distress. It started to pay off until I was informed to expect D paperwork shortly. So now I am back to less than square one and in the depths of despair again. I have been told that she is going for every penny she can get and that will render me homeless and with no business.

Funny, I thought she loved me, but she is just being as cruel and heartless as she can be. She comes to see me, hugs and kisses, then drops that on me. I feel like a mouse being tortured by a cat.

Told by whom? By her? By another person?

Obviously I know nothing of UK divorce laws... but a mantra I've told myself over and over throughout this mess is that I'm not the first person to go through this and I won't be the last. My kids aren't the first to go through this and they won't be the last. Others have come before and survived and thrived, and we will too.

Others have owned businesses and houses and survived. Maybe in a different house, maybe in a different line of work but they've made it through, and you will too.

If it's your W saying you'll be penniless I would guess she's speaking out of fear. Fear makes us do stupid things... she's going to go after you so you will not fight her on the D and give in. If that is the case perhaps you can help her see you're not fighting her. If it's what she wants, it's what she wants. Sort of like Jujitsu, where you simply take your opponent's power and redirect it back at them.

I agree with WHG, if this is her saying this I wouldn't give it much thought or energy. In my opinion, she is trying to manipulate your reaction with fear most likely due to her own fear.

I'm glad you came back to get the support you will need.

I appreciate your comments. I do find it quite debilitating to read of the situations others are in. I am trying to be positive and look towards hope but it is so difficult when each day I am expecting more crap. I think the trepidation of waiting for this paperwork is worse than actually seeing it. I have taken legal advice and the solicitor was quite dimissive. Attitude was "You had 7 years, it's about typical, so get on with it". I will be putting my business elsewhere. Quoted £180 per hour for the legal work.

It was W who said she had taken advice and she was entitled to 50% of everything. I agree she has an entitlement, but she has never paid anything in to the enormous running costs in the 7 years. Yet she is able to force me to sell the house and can grab my business assetts too. Very unfair.

I asked her to go with me for some counselling today and got turned down flat. Selfish bovine.

We will see what she is demanding when the paperwork arrives. If she would talk to me direct, we could sort something out without lining the solicitor's pockets, but she has probably got legal aid, whereas I have to fund it.

All this yet she is still being sweet and loving to an extent. There are other things too about the things she says that I don't want to disclose. Not anything bad, but I am terrified she may come across this thread and identify herself.

I went for a therapist appointment last week. £110 wasted in my opinion. Still it was an experience. I wasted another £220 on a Christmas present for W that I suppose I can't give her now.

Ajay-

I will once again say that I am in no position to advise anyone at all. Notwithstanding, I will give my opinion on one simple matter. You have got to do your best to stop being angry or you will never move the ball forward. If you can refer to your W as a "selfish bovine" something tells me that a counselling session might not have gone well. Not now anyway - and there is little worse than a fight starting in a counselling session. It was hard for me to do, but I had to move past anger. Granted, we are not "friends" right now but I am at least trying to maintain an environment where one could exist and maybe bridge us back together. It's hard, but you gotta try.

Crimson