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You don't even need to rewrite the email. Just copy and paste what I wrote: "I'm gald you had a good time. We'll talk soon."

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^ditto!!!

No story like email!

resist the temptation!!!

I'd even just say "glad you had a good time".

Here is the email response my DB coach and I came up with. It is slightly longer then 2tp & Sox suggested response. Her main point was that I show I was listening and validate.
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H,

I am so glad to hear you guys had a fun time in MA and that the driving was not too painful. D3 loves her gingerbread house and of course cant stop talking about Cousin. I have also heard a couple of references to Grandpa.

Thanks for letting me know your upcoming schedule – that really [censored] that they are adding another Saturday. I know you have been looking forward to this race for a while, and you have paid for it so it’s quite a dilemma - especially because I know you would love to see the girls and they would be thrilled to see you. Whatever you decide to do will be perfectly ok with me. We have no firm plans this weekend so the girls could certainly stay with you if you did decide to come back. Do whatever works best for you either way I will support it.

I can only imagine how hard it is to be in Atlanta while the girls are here. Thanks for recognizing how hard its been holding down the fort here in Brooklyn. I know you will continue to be the fantastic Dad you have always been. Thank you for offering a vacation. I think a 3-day weekend would be a perfect break for me. I would totally love a few days in Vermont to snowboard.

We have been apart of each other’s lives for so long and have always felt like we have been best friends until a few months ago, so I am sure our friendship will continue. I have no grudge.

I realize now all those time when you were trying to tell me something. This has been a real wakeup call.

I truly appreciate your acknowledgment of the pain you have caused me but on the other hand I did the same to you. Also when you said you were sorry on Friday that meant a lot to me.
Love
BM
____

I know you guys probably dont love the letter but I my DB coach says my H has shown some positives lately like saying "Im sorry" and acknowledging he has caused me pain. These are small but big changes for him. Also he said I have been amazing which I need to write down in my solutions journal.
Keep the critics coming. Thanks

"Seems to me that my H is happy with the new me but not happy enough to want be back. H is happy to have our Oh So Joyful Co-parenting Lives. Look how great this can be. Look how we can be friends and lead seperate lives."

BK- I am feeling the same way w/ my S and it is a tough spot to be in. Since we don't know what is to come I guess we just need to keep being the best we can be and hope for the best. Sorry I don't have any great words of wisdom but know you most certainly are not alone in dealing with these issues and I'm rooting for you.

Best!!

That's a nice letter, I think you did well.

Thks SIAS and Ad, it helps to know I am not alone out here.

H called tonight to say good night to the girls and mentioned that he called last night as well, guess we didnt hear the phone. Anyway 2 nights in a row is a big change. I think it goes in the positive column especially since he had recieved the kind email I sent him the day before & he still called. Previously when I have sent nice emails or messages he follows up with something like "dont you get it - its over, I'm done!"

I am trying to keep my thoughts away from the negatives but I find myself going there. It feels like his family spoke to him over the weekend about being a good Dad and he is calling to prove to them that he is a good Dad.

I need to remember that if he does start to call regularly this is MY opportunitity to show him my changes. Even though I know my changes are pronounced we have seen each other for only max 30 minutes every other week since Labor Day

I need to prove that my changes are real! I need to prove that my changes are real! I need to prove that my changes are real!

Its nice to find a few minutes to write before I pass out. Being at home with the girls is tough much tougher then when I was working. Thank goodness D3 goes to preschool 3 days a week cause it is mayhem when its raining and they are both home all day. How do woman do this and not lose their mind??

BKM - I'm glad the lines of communication appear to be improving. Just keep your guard up. From your description it sounds like your H is behaving out of guilt brought on by his actions and prompting by family. Whether or not this is long lived and has the potential to lead to bigger and better things in your R remains to be seen.

Keep your focus on your DB efforts and know that we are all rooting for you!

(/O\)
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Thanks Everyone for sending the positive vibes through the internet air.

H called again tonight. That is 3 nights in a row. Totally unheard of. My D3 didnt want to talk on the phone when he called and asked if he could talk on the picture phone... he agreed!! We ended up video chatting for 15-20 minutes.

So much better for the girls to see their Dad. They were so much more engaged in talking to him.

H was sick & went home from work early. He was holed up in his hotel room. Says he will probably not race or come back to bklyn this weekend just stay in Atl and recover.

There was a less zombie like vibe tonight. Maybe because being sick he hasnt drank in 3 days. But he was much more present.

I feel very optimistic. I know its a long road ahead but I really think I am seeing some early signs of my H coming out of his fog. It is a huge step that he did not freak out about the email I sent, I mean I signed it "love". A few months ago he would have freaked and told me "You dont get it, its over I'm done, You broke me..."

I think my being dim for 3 months was effective. My H believes that I am not trying to win him back now, I can slowly (very slowly) try to become friends again. This is going to be a long road still but I see some light.

My list of positives:
1. H still deposits paychecks into shared account
2. We share the car & he has made no mention dividing it.
3. No legal action at this point, he has only notified me that he has hired a lawyer (in September) but nothing
4. Only tells our daughter he is going to work has not told her has moved out even though she has been to his apt. (This scares me too because my D is getting these mixed messages)
5. In his email he said "I have been amazing so far"
6. He has told me he liked my new haircut (no haircut) and he liked the pants I was wearing (checking me out?)

I was reading through some old emails today looking for clues that I should have seen this coming. That was not what I found. He was calling me baby, saying I love you just days before ILYBNILWY.

It is true that our M had big flaws but I would have never expected our first conversation about the flaws would be him telling me it was over. I believe more then ever my H had some kind of break down, from being over stressed at work, lack of sleep at home (with 2 little ones), stress at home & grief over SIL cancer.

I still believe in us. I believe when he comes out of his fog he will see a beautiful wife, a loving mother and a active & happy woman, he will have no choice but to return.

I believe this will make us stronger. It has totally made me better. I am a new person. I am happy with who I am. I am happy to be a mother. I dont need everything. I am happy with what I have.

Sounds like you are in a great place right now! Keep up the great work!

Omg. H emailed 5 pixs from the weekend. He hasn't sent me a random email in months!

I am so glad in have been dbing. Obviously my h and I will always need to communicate but because I went dim and he is now reaching out to me it relays the fountain on terms he is okay with. As opposed to me begging an pleading for him to make contact with his children and him reluctantly agreeing.

I am ready for what is next. He is going to tell me this means nothing. We are not getting back together blah blah blah.

But come on he is not gonna be able to resist me forever;)