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CO1978,

Keep up the good work. I don't have children so my situation is a bit different than yours. The advice you've been given about how to handle child situations seems like good advice though. Just remember, even tiny little things can be perceived as pressure to her. After a while, she may start to relax more when she realizes you aren't trying to get back together with her.

How's the sobriety going? Are you dealing with that through your IC or through another support group?

Great job on offering to take your son to the doctor. To me, that's a kind of 180. From your wife's response it seems maybe she resented it a bit that you didn't play a bigger role in DR visits. Keep that kind of stuff up.

Have you gotten the DR book yet? Take a look at the last resort technique and put it to work immediately. I think you said you were talking to a DB coach as well....he or she can help you deal with particular situations which are unique to you and aren't covered in the book. Stay strong! We're pulling for you!

Yes, I've been meaning to say something about how much I admire you for putting the bottle down.



Drinks and food! It's like you can't have an office meeting or go to Walmart that somebody's not pushing food in your face. Naturally, one notices it most when you are the one not partaking.

You're smart by not going where you know drinks will be served. That's just good common sense and I for one, respect a man doing what he has to do to stay sober.

Do you have a good support system standing by for the time you will REALLY feel your lowest want to reach for something that may dull the pain for a few moments? I mean.....beside us, of course.

Thank you all again for the kind words. It feels great to hear that from people. Only one other person has said something encouraging like that to me. Still waiting on books to come in mail, so much for expedient delivery :P So far I haven't found a support group. I am hoping to find one as I search for the right church (was a catholic). I know a lot of churches have good support groups for that. My number one motivation is my son, I know now what kind of impact an alcoholic father has on his children (my father was one), and I won't mess is life up. Also wearing my wedding band (which I never did) is a constant reminder of what I WILL DEFIANTLY LOSE if I drink again. I do have a very good friend (the one who said the encouraging words to me) that I used to go out with to the bars or drink with at home that is helping me too.

I hope you find a church soon, and the spiritual support you're needing. I just think you must be very motivated and have your sight on what is truly the most important part of life.

"So far I haven't found a support group. I am hoping to find one as I search for the right church (was a catholic). I know a lot of churches have good support groups for that."

You might want to do a Google search for Divorce Care. These groups are church based and can be found throughout the US, (assuming that is where you are located). The 13 week program is very informative, helpful, enlightening and supportive and you can join mid-stream with no problem.

Best of luck!

Tonight my IC went well. My homework was to make a list of issues that needed to change, and I was told I made leaps and bounds. Not only did I have the list but a plan of action that my IC agreed with. I finally feel I'm in the right direction and now know I am doing my part to resolve this. The only problem that may exist is the possibility of me being bi-polar (which would explain a lot). Now only time can fix the rest. Hopefully the W can get the help she needs for her PTSD and can trust me again that she won't have the feeling of "walking on eggshells". When I got home the MIL along with 2 SIL and 1 BIL where at the house with S. We spent close to 2 hours just talking, nothing about my M. I'm glad they don't see me as an enemy or a victim. I don't think my W could ever picture just me hanging out with that many of her family at one time for that long (and in my defense I did not ask them to stay, or ask them to leave, so hopefully she won't see it as anything more). All and all a good day, still not getting any easier with missing W, but as I said I know I am doing what I can to better myself, and that in itself has got to count for something.

Sounds like your getting yourself sorted out- good job! Hang in there n keep it up. Happy Thanksgiving

It sounds like her family may be wanting to show they support the M. And by doing that...they support you. Was your W there when they were?

No W was at work, the MIL was coming over to watch S while I was a t IC, but everyone else came along to see S. I don't even think W know they all stopped by, well I am sure she does now, but at the time she probably didn't.

During my IC last night when we talked about communication skills and how to improve my communication with my W my IC told me to ask for feedback from W on how I am doing. If I am getting better, what I need to improve on or what I need to stop doing. Is this a good idea? Doesn't this go against DB?