Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers PA - Confirmed - Blinkers are off.

Starting a new thread.

The previous one is located Here

PA is confirmed - and I now know it's been going on a year.

I've thought of nothing else all day - in the past I never thought my W was capable of having a one night stand never mind having a PA for over a year.

Saw a text where she mentions OM has broken it off and she is devestated. She doesn't know that I have confirmation of a PA though she does know I have strong suspicions.

I really don't know what to think at this stage. I'm no longer sure I want to stay M - the whole thing is just surreal.

W came home from work this evening and is miserable - she snapped at the girls and is already on her 3rd glass of wine.
I read stories and put D9 & D6 and put them to bed. I'll let her wallow in her misery.

I am glad it's over - it may be an awakening she needs, though it may be too late to save our M. I'd always assumed this was an EA that may have recently turned into a PA.

I won't say anything unless the D is pushed through and then I'll present what I know to my L to see if it impacts alimony.

I'll keep DBing for myself and my girls - I know I am to blame for 50% of this, but she made the decision not to work on anything and fall into the arms of another man. The whole irony of it is that he's 10 years younger than her, and the girl he is seeing is 10 years younger than him. What goes around comeas around....

Oh, Peter. I'm SO sorry about this. Wow. You are right in putting D's to bed and reading to them. Be their rock -- W is likely to be even more 'all over the place' for a while right now.

Don't know if once it all sinks in you will want to save the M, but Peter, you are absolutely going to keep DBing to save YOU and to be there and strong for the girls.

Again, I'm sorry to hear this sort of thing. I have no idea how people do such callous things to each other. You are right to not say anything. Hold your cards close.....WAS can go off like loose cannons. Take care. I will think of you.

Dear Lord, what a blow to take. And yet you're still able to care for your children so gracefully... Just take it a day at a time, go with the flow. See how you feel. Right now, it's very understandable that you no longer wish to be M, but perhaps your feelings may change with time. (Remember, feelings aren't facts. They're very transient.) You will know what the right decision is when it comes time to make it.

Well W was very quiet all night - I ended up watching the football game in the office and pretending to do some work.

Having slept on this overnight I'm not willing to continue with the M unless my W is willing to work on the M and go to MC. She hasn't shown any indication that she wants to do so. Can I just say that it's HER LOSS!!!

GAL activitiy tonight - meeting friends for drinks and a meal in the city. Looking forward to it.

Are you sure NYCPeter? Did you find something other than what you posted? As you've said, the hotel bill is not proof. Remember that our imaginations will fill in the worst possible details around the little bits that we know.

Accuray

I think it's pretty conclusive - I posted at the end of my last thread.

Sorry for your news Peter. I agree with WestCoast, give it a little more time before you make any permanent decisions. I think it's great that you are being so strong for your kids.

Best!!

Had a great night with friends.
Laughter is very medicinal and the sitch didn't come up once in conversation.

When I got home W was over friendly - not sure if this is because she had no idea where I went or because OM has dropped her over the weekend - TBH - who cares.

Last day of work for me this week - taking tomorrow off to go to D9's school to see "Turkey day parade". Thanksgiving will be spent with girls and W at my in-laws. I was invited by a friend to his house, but decided if this was to be a last Thanksgiving as a family I would rather spend it with the girls.

Going to be a little weird as mother-in-law knows about OM - maybe I should drop his name into the conversation at the dinner table - kidding.

Some dates are beginning to click with events of the last few months - e.g. the night before we had a huge row and I moved out for a week, texts indicate she was with OM.

I think (and hope) my snooping is done - I know folks here don't recommend doing it, but I was driving myself crazy wondering whether I was overreacting and being unreasonable. My gut told me there was someone else and I needed to know for certain. I think it's helped me detach - I don't like what she's done but know I was responsible for allowing this to happen, she was looking for someone to make her feel special and appreciated - it does not excuse her behavior and she has shown no indication that she wants to work things out. It's her gig - if she's happy with who she is then it's her life, I was going to say as long as it doesn't impact my girls - but it will, we all know that.

Peace.

I'm so sorry, Peter. I know from experience how much that stings.

I do, however, think it's for the best that you now know what you're dealing with, so you can plan accordingly.


Starsky

Thanks Starsky - I love "Heaven can wait", also loved "Here comes Mr Jordan" - the original version.

So many thoughts swirling around in my head.

1 whole year - I really don't know my W at all.

Now the OM has ditched W - would she want to rekindle the M.

Why do I want our M back? Is it because of the girls or because I was not as good a father and husband?

How do I move forward from here - do I confront her with what I know (Ok - I know that's not wise right now), I think I would have done if the A was still going on.

W obviously has deep feelings for him and they work together - it could easily be rekindled.

I will continue with the 180's and GAL regardless of what happens.

One thing I will take away from all of this - I am a better father, husband and person - I just wish it wasn't this that made it happen.