Ah, I would cheerfully work or play or build or crumble or talk or act or ... to save my marriage. Christmas day we spent some time giggling over his students' responses to his writing several questions about goats on their final exam (in physics). That was play. And before I went home, we did dishes together - that, when I do it alone, is work. Last summer, when I helped him install two more raised beds and plant them in his yard, that was building. Lots of shared history that is one of the hardest things to let go of. Now, however, I'm pretty clear what the results are/ will be. Tonight, I will paint my living room, in preparation for putting the house on the market because that is the thing he says is preventing him from filing. I don't want the divorce, but I don't want to be married ONLY because he owns the house I live in. Now I need to work at/ play at crossing over from depression to acceptance in my slow slow slow grieving process. Now I need to figure out what went so suddenly, surprisingly, horribly wrong the first time so that I can dare to build a life with someone new and actually believe the vows the second time around. I wonder what I said that made you question whether I can form meaningful relationships without the need for those friends to serve a purpose for me. I joke with my husband that he is a first born - loving his solitude and independence until his baby sister ruined it all, while I am the second born - congenitally drawn to the presence of other human beings even when I'm busy with independent work.
Anyway, Kaffe Diem, I appreciate your continuing the engage the conversation and hope you have a happy, healthy new year.
Peace,
Rebecca
M: 43 H: 44 M: 12.5 if the 5.5 year separation counts Bomb (I dropped it): Dec '07 H said finit: Jun '10 I moved on: May '13
Everything has context specific to our own experience.
The question itself had a context specific to your experience, regardless of its context to me. So the take away for you, for example, might be that in responding to the question of whether you can engage people without having some need being met, is looking at your relationship with people. Such as considering why you may want friends NOT to meet needs, for you.
Sometimes, when we ask questions, we get much needed insight by asking the question from a completely different context.
Hope you had a great Christmas and have an awesome 2013, as well!
