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So I set some goals:
(1) God : I was a catholic, but when we tried to get our son baptized and they told us we haven't been paying our dues, I sort of gave up on church. I feel bad for never trying her church out (she is a sort of Baptist). I found a church thru a friend at work that I will try out. Its a general Christian Church. Now I am going to go regardless, but should I give her an invite?
(2) Sobriety : I haven't had a drink since November 3rd. I'm still trying to find hobbies to fill in for the ones that I don't want to do because of the association with alcohol.
(3) Physical Fitness : I am going to stick to running and weight training. Lots of stress release. Lost 18 lbs already, though a lot of it has been from the stress of the separation.

Another question. The MIL is pretty much her best friend. Is it ok for me to ask her questions about the R? Or is that a major NO! I know the MIL wants this to work out.

Don't talk to MIL. That is a major no.

There are three reasons for that:

1) If she feels you are campaigning for your cause using her family she will resent you for it.

2) It will make things awkward with MIL going forward in the case you do reconcile

3) She will interpret that as pursuing. Remember that you want to appear to pull away and detach. You are working on you, and making improvements for your own benefit, not hers.

That's what the books generally recommend. That said, every situation is different. At the end of the day, you need to decide what is right for you. The general guidance is that involving her family or friends is a bad idea that does more harm than good.

If your mother told you who to date, who to marry, or who to love, how would you feel about it? Would the child in you still be tempted to do the opposite to maintain your identity and independence? What would her reaction be?

--Accuray

I agree that you should not discuss your W with her mother. Your W would be livid b/c that is her mother and she wouldn't feel that you had "rights" to discuss the M with her. In fact, she would probably be okay with anyone else except her parents, first, and other members of her immediate family, second.

It also puts the MIL in a bad position, even if she wants the M to work out. She has to keep a R with her D open, even if she doesn't agree with every thing her D does.

You've gotten some very good advice in this thread. I can personally attest that if you pursue your wife, she will run the other direction. I did exactly that for about 6 weeks after mine left. Now she's with another man and posting all about it on FB. About 5-6 weeks ago, I started doing the LRT (last resort technique) and it seems as if it could be working. Very very slowly though. Anyway, do not pursue her in any way, shape, form or fashion. Do not ask questions about where she's been or what she's been up to. Don't ask for hugs or reassurances. When you do those things, it puts pressure on her and she will come to resent you for it. It is the hardest thing in the world to do but it is the ONLY thing that seems to work consistently.

Once you start to find new activities and quit pursuing your wife, she'll wonder why you stopped calling or TM so much and what you're up to. She has no reason to come back if she knows exactly where you are and what you are doing every minute of the day. She can go out and do whatever she wants and know you are right at home waiting. If she feels like you may be moving on, she may have more of an incentive to work on things. It's funny how that works, and it's 100% against what your every instinct tells you, but you have to do it.

I wish you the best of luck. Heed the advice you get from the seasoned ones here, they won't steer you wrong. Put on your best face when you interact with your wife and become someone she'd be a fool to leave.

Congratulations on the sobriety! I'm working on that issue myself and I know it can be a very tough road. Remember, we're all pulling for you and we believe in marriage and want yours to work! Keep us updated!

And there is so much that falls into that category. Things that some men have never give a second thought can be pressure to a WAW.

Thank you all for the great advice, I keep messing up, Had asked her to go to things with me and our S (such as children's christmas party at work and a nativity set at a church that has live animals). I don't mean to come off as going with me, because I truly want our S to have both of us there for him. This is the first year I am off the days to go to these events as a family, and now I don't have her. Her reply was she wasn't sure she could get off from work (even tho the times were before and after her work times). For both things I told her it was ok, and it would still be fun for just me and him, tho I thought it would be great for him if we were both there.

I am so confused to with some things. Like last night she dropped our S off, and drove 4 hours to pick her brother up from college. Our S is sick right now, running a fever and threw up a few times. Well she called while she was on the road to check up on him and told me to call her in the morning when he wakes up. Well of coarse we've been up since 6 am and I didnt call her. I figure she can sleep in since she was on the road all night and into early morning. Plus he is doing much better this morning. Am I doing the right thing and not calling? Figure I'll let her call. Sorry just so confused to where to draw the line.

She asked you to call. She's his mother. Simple answer.

Call.

Agreed with Mr. Bond. Try to separate parenting together from healing your marriage. You will parent together no matter what happens between the two of you and there is nothing wrong with that, as long as you aren't using family outings as an excuse to get time with your wife.

If you had a children's party at work and a function at church, you can tell your wife you're going to take your son, there is nothing wrong with that. If she wants to come, let her bring that up. You're not inviting her, but you're not leaving her out either. You're telling her what your plans are for your son, let her do with that what she will.

If it comes to childcare (illness, daycare, school, etc.) don't hesitate to call her. Just keep it about your son and do your best to resist sliding in comments about how much easier things would be if you were together, etc. For now, keep it to "just the facts". Acknowledge that it's hard, and know that you will slip up. No one is perfect and this is an extreme challenge.

Accuray

Thanks again for the help, don't know where I'd be with out all of you. Well today our S was feeling sick again, probably a stomach virus. The W and I talked on the phone and she said that she would come pick him up and take him to the doctor. I asked her if she wanted me to take him, she seemed shocked, and stated "You never took him, do you even know where the doctor office is?" I told I could find it and would give her a call when done at the office to let her know how he is, which I did and we had to set up for the MIL to come over later tonight to watch S because W has work and I have IC. Hopefully tonights IC will go well. She still hasn't set her IC, not really her fault, the IC never called her back to set up with a specailist for her (they believe she has PTSD from the relationship prior to ours), so I may have to put a bug in the ICs ear tonight.