We have not communicated in anyway for 3 weeks now, well W text me last night actually requesting a date to pic up some christmas decorations and a tree, as "money is tight" even though she just sped £145 on her haircut.
Dark/no contact is for me, period. I got to a stage where the "grenades" as I called then (but now understand they were touch and goes) were confusing, but its more of getting away from the lies, nastyness, blame projecting etc as this pulled me down and I started to question me, to the extent where D14 said "your not the crazyone dad, mum is" after W's last CRAZY solicitors lette, which I will post about soon, and to build ME back up and help me detatch. Yes the by product is getting W to miss me, and see consequences of her actions, by that is as I say, a by product and not the main driver.
GAL
My GAL are split into two, 1 with kids, 1 without as detailed above
Me - 37 W - 38 D - 14 S - 12 Together - 16 Married - 12 Bomb - April 13, 2011 W moved out - May 13, 2011
The man I became is changing back to the man I was........... and more
Your list above sounds really good, and it sounds like you're really trying to work on yourself (or have done so already) and like you're very aware of MLC and have read up on everything.
This is not a 2 x 4, but just a question. You said:
"There is just som much I want to get down, but cannot do it all in one go, I am exhausted just doing these first few bits tonight."
So. Why do you want to get this all down if this predates everything you are working on actively now? Is there a reason you want to lay out the "plot" of what led to now? It's ok if you do, of course, not judging at all. I'm just kind of confused why you want to get this all out, especially if it is, understandably, exhausting to do, when you seem to be from the post directly above really moving forward. There could even be more than one reason, but maybe just take a breather and explore why you want to do this to yourself.
M45 Bomb 6/09; EA 6/10; Divorced 1/11 Proud single mom of 7 little feline girls and one little feline boy "Fall down 53 times. Get up 54." -- Zen saying
I have also detailed the first few posts in this thread to lead up to W's last solicitors letters, which were a bunch of lies based on those events detailed.
I feel that W is doing this for a few reasons
1) as I have gone dark, and W kept on asking to talk, be friends, call her if I needed anything, wanting to tell me about her life/work etc, but have said to her, sorry thats not us anymore. Sorry, but she has OM, I will not let her cake eat, OM has to fill her tank up (yes I have also read 5LL, which I forgot to mention)
2) I have the kids 10 days out of 14, W has them every other Wed, Thur, Fri & Sat. this was the kids choice, what they wanted, and since this has been in place (3 months ago, W has been soooo nasty and angry) but cannot see how she is/has treated the kids for them to want this. And by throwing mud, she could IMHO try and discredit me to get the kids back, just IHO of course. I am soooooo proud of my kids, and them wanting to be with thier dad for the majority of the time, its soooo unusual, but it makes me feel a great dad, and I love it (although draining at times!!!!)
Me - 37 W - 38 D - 14 S - 12 Together - 16 Married - 12 Bomb - April 13, 2011 W moved out - May 13, 2011
The man I became is changing back to the man I was........... and more
OM lives in another town, approx 1.5hrs away. W went out for drinks with him before moving out. He then called it off for a month (first month when W moved out and went through OM withdraw bigtime, drinking, moody, shouting and swearing at kids, lost losts of weight, spray tan, all the usual suspects) W told me "oficially" at the beginning of August that she had met someone, but was early days FFS, yeah OK!
(that is all I know about OM, as nowt to do with me and bugger all I can do about it, well ethically etc LOL)
To the point, these were some of the questions W put to D14 at the beginning of last month.
1) Does dad ask about me or OM, D14 - no, W - Ohh 2) Why is dad so calm 3) Does you dad have a girlfriend 4) How long has dad known xxx, where does he know her from
Me - 37 W - 38 D - 14 S - 12 Together - 16 Married - 12 Bomb - April 13, 2011 W moved out - May 13, 2011
The man I became is changing back to the man I was........... and more
Just wondering - is your wife an alcoholic or drug abuser? Could explain a lot of her more erratic behavior.
And yes, she's asking about you because even though she left and has OM, she would like to think the door is always open to return - always astonishes me how the WAS can dump us and still be jealous if we find someone new - what on earth do they expect???
I think brining up that your posts are about things that happened in October is more so you understand that some of us aren't going to comment to much on them.
It's spilt milk. Today and tomorrow? Easier to focus on, better to focus on for you.
It's good to get perspective, and helpful for you to get some of that stuff out of your head.
I think there are multiple reasons for the MLCer to be asking questions. I think KML is correct about the door being open.
I also think that some of the answers to the MLCer's questions either validates or exhonerates their choices if lets say, you're dating /sleeping with someone else, its ok for them to be doing it...no matter who did it first.
Or it adds to the guilt they will not let you know they have.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
Just though I would check in before going off to bed LOL
J3B, been seeing a lot of your posts from the 4th (i think Mila thread, plus others) your like the jedi master LOL
Anyway.....
Yep, spot on with the kids.
I enform them of things, more so with D14 than S12 for obvious reasons. I tell them I dont want to know anything about want W is doing or what, but some things come out.....
D14 is at that age where she talks to her BF about things, S12 on the other hand is a typical boy, and is a bit of a worrier, so I have to keep an eye on him, and try and be there for him if he needs to talk.
For example, this was the happenings of October 27 (your right also this is a way of getting things out of my head and journalling it all)
I'm sure W thinks she only has 1 child. She calls D14 every day, but only called S12 4days after she dropped him off last. I heard him say why don't u call me, she must of said she does, as S12 said I have no missed calls from you......
He said to me after that mum keeps lying to them, and he doesn't trust her.
In the evening W popped round to give them some money for our weekend away (hever come in now as this is a boundary I put in place months back), 30 pound+ 10 pound pocket money she told them at the weekend, u should see there disappointment as she only gave them 10 pound. She said she had no money......usual story
Then S12 says to me
S12 - Dad would you ever lie to me.
M – No, but only if it was to stop you getting hurt
S12 – Mum lies all the time, she lies to everyone
Me - 37 W - 38 D - 14 S - 12 Together - 16 Married - 12 Bomb - April 13, 2011 W moved out - May 13, 2011
The man I became is changing back to the man I was........... and more
