As T Harv Ecker would say. You need to be a better receiver. He has this drill he does in his seminars where he makes everyone go around the room and give a compliment. The person who is complimented is only allowed to say thank you and nothing else. It was really hard for me and embarrassing but now it's natural. I don't it's really the art of negotiating you need but the realization of your value.
When I took that job at the reduced price that price was actually the number I had in my head originally. I had upped it a bit in the bid. So when they came back with that number I was fine with it.
Yes I am seeing a change in my wife and yes my reduced accomodation has a lot to do with it. Last night she asked if I would cook dinner. I stopped offering and I can tell she misses it. I stopped pursuing and she's hanging out with me more.
Yes, I think the elephant does not exist. I don't think there was ever a PA and probably not anything you could really call an EA either.
Well here we go. Haven't had the opportunity to see this side of her in awhile.
Tomorrow is the start of a big event we're putting on. It is a very important event and in a sense it is what we have been working towards for the last decade.
In prepping for any event/trip/etc she becomes very controlling, micro manages everything, and worries about things that seem unnecessary. Even if there was very little to do I think she would find a reason to stay up late and get up early ensuring that she and I are both exhausted. In a way it's a blessing at least for today, that we are separated, I can get some sleep. She becomes very negative during these times and everthing I say is returned with negativity, blame, or martyrdom. It's trying.
On the other hand she does coordinate things very well. Everything is thought of ahead of time and prepared for.
Sonit's certainly a mixed blessing.
So tonight she was lining me out on all the things she needed me to do. Already planning my day for me. I simply stated that I would spend some time helping but had things I needed to get done also. At leasat setting some sort of boundaries. I don't know what the response was. It was muttered from another room.
So anyway just wanted t journal that, On one side it's a negative. On the other it shows how much importance she puts into it and she does get things done.
So the event was spectacular! I received my 4th last Thursday. My wife posted it on FB and the crowd arrived already knowing and with much excitement. There is only a handful at that rank so it's a really big deal.
All of the sacrifices we made over the last decade paid off in this event. It was absolutely amazing and perfect.
On Tuesday I asked her to stay with me through the event and she agreed. It was very nice and we stayed up late each night excited and talking about everything. It was very nice. Had a very nice leisurely lunch today in a very nice restaurant and then spent the rest of the day resting. I gave out and fell asleep for the afternoon which is highly unusual. She puttered around. When I woke up I was highly emotional about knowing she would leave this evening. It was the first time since our separation. I haven't wanted her to go in the past but today was the first time I felt I would be lonely. I actually don't get lonely ever but I was afraid of it today.
We went for a drive and then to dinner. I mentioned that she could stay and she said no she wanted to sleep in a bed tonight but said she's definitely be back in the morning.
Lot's of hugs and kisses on her way out.
Maybe something more will come from this. It seems to have come at the perfect time.
All of a sudden I want her more than ever but not in the old way I did before.
Last two days I'm seeing something I really don't like. She become very opinionated and talks over those that she disagrees with. Such as me. Her sister is like that. In a powerful position and is very demanding. W is displaying those characteristics more and more. Yet she very openly despises others who display those same characteristics. Hates controlling people, yet she is very controlling. Hates when people just talk over others and don't listen, yet she does this.
She treats me like I'm stupid yet is very offended if I correct the slightest thing in her.
She used to trust my opinion on everything now she thinks I'm wrong on everything.
Been a bit strange the last few days. Not liking that.
The Thanksgiving plans were crushed. Thanksgiving at the in-laws was cancelled. Not by her or I but just cancelled. Other things happening in that realm.
So I said, oh well, we'll find something to do. Maybe go to our favorite restaurant. Today she comes in to tell me she's made plans for us for Thanksgiving. We'll be "crashing" a friends party.
So she's here tonight. I have an event in the morniong and she decided to stay so I could have the car early. This is different. She's made a very big point to never stay here even when she really had to go out of her way not to. Tonight she in a way went out of her way to stay here. She's in another room. We watched a movie together and then went to separate rooms.
The funny thing is that tonightshe made a fuss about M being bad and women being bad for their husbands and how everyone should run from it. This was all to a group of guys. Not an uncommon thing for her to say but tonight she really stressed it a lot. It's a strnge conflict going on. I almost fell into the argument and got mad about it all but then I realized she's saying all this but at the same time staying here. I think that the thing for me to do is nothing. Just let it be and see.
A long time ago when I was on these boards the first time someone gave the analogy of getting a wild rabbit to eat from your hand. You have to let it. Try to tempt it and it will just run away.
I think maybe my rabbit is coming close. Not really sure. But I know not to scare it away. At least I can figure that much out.
Decent, yes, but my former self would have accepted decent. Decent is not acceptable.
Project? Nah, she's a drive in theater in high def 3-d with doldy surround sound. The inner conflict is so thick and obvious that when she does it around others my jaw drops. Come to think about it that's not really acceptable behaviour (comments about marriage in general)
Yes I'm understanding that it's for me. I'm learning how not to react but I have a long way to go. Caught myself after the fact today.
Had an incredible day today. Got to get out of town and spend some time around a whole lot of really great people in an incredible environment (KD I was at the place you got the job offer from). It was really good for me. I was around some incredibly smart and beautiful women and had a great time. Not at all looking or flirting, or anything but it certainly did help out the self esteem. Really put me in a better mental position.
So she stayed again tonight. I got in late and she had cooked dinner. She was already set for bed but we stayed up and talked for awhile. She didn't make any excuses for staying tonight. That's good.
I totally hear you about what we find acceptable in people.
You know how they say about hindsight. If I knew then what I know now... Not entirely fair, I really do love my wife. It's the things that I settled for... personality traits that under normal circumstance wouldn't be acceptable. I really don't know if my W has it in her to grow in those areas, especially considering those are the areas she appears to have regressed. *shrug*
Originally Posted By: Huh
Got to get out of town and spend some time around a whole lot of really great people in an incredible environment (KD I was at the place you got the job offer from).
No kidding! Funny how the world is such a small place. It always amazes me.
I really have to admit I miss those work environments. Even if it's just a numbers game. The more people one surrounds themselves with, the more we find good, attractive people.
Sounds like you've got lots to think about. And sounds like you're doing well.
