Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis Pretty sure this is a MLC or Identity Crisis

DON'T MOVE OUT

My sitch was the same and I moved because she threatened to move out if I didn't and take the kids with her. Counselor advised I move remarking, "Don't let her take those kids out of that house." Two days after moving out she wanted me to take the kids (to my unfurnished apt) so she could party with OM. A couple of weeks after separating she asked how I would feel about a divorce.

Tell her she can move out since she wants the separation and should pay you what's needed to keep your daughter in that apt. If its common knowledge she's boinking OM tell her she should move in with him (in the kindest and most matter of fact tone possible).

Go for every other week custody (makes sense and is more managable). DO NOT make this easy on her. Think of you and your child FIRST.

You gotta be THE parent, man. First for your D and then the tough love type for your W. Sorry. It's just how it is.

Sleeper,

I see what you are saying and I am considering it, but there are a few problems with going that route for me.

1. Our lease is month to month now so, legally I can't enforce her to pay 1/2 rent if she moves out (and she won't). I can't afford the place on my own.

2. I don't have enough support to help take care of my child while I am working. Even daycare has it's limits.

3. ND is a state that heavily favors mothers so even if I tried to enforce the every other week custody, she could easily go to a women's shelter and claim I hit her (which I have never been abusive in any form in my life) and I would not be able to have contact with her or my child. Her friend did this 2 yrs. ago and the father still doesn't know where his child is.

4. We both can't afford a lawyer so enforcing that would probably be futile.

I am still entertaining the posibility of telling her I am staying and she can move out if she decides to, but if I can't enforce those things, I have no bite.

It's also kinda funny, but since I told her that I am moving out, she has been more friendly to me and we are talking. She says thank you to basically eveything, which is a major change. I am looking for the small things, and believing half of it, but this makes me wonder if moving out might be the best thing for the relationship right now... or is she cake eating?

You won't be asking when she does.

Sort of like:

Does this hurt?

Don't read anything into this. That could be because you are giving her what she wants.

See a lawyer before you do anything. Assume nothing. If you move out she could claim abandonment.

Hope for the best but plan for the worst.

Mine is now married to that other man.

The WAS has a tendancy to be really nice or just nice when you do what they want.

When you don't or drag your feet, your the devil preventing them from their happiness.

Thanks for saving my butt folks! It cost me $400, but I cancelled my apt. and told W i am not moving. She tried everything from guilt to spewing that I am being a selfish a$$. I told her my conditions were that I am staying and if she wants she can move. If she moves she will pay $300 for child's rent. If she stays no OM in the apt. Did not say she could not see OM. She threatened to lawyer up and take kid away. She is not accusing me of making her throw up and having her hair fall out because she feels so awkward in our home.

Wow! Now she is using the child as a guilt trigger. This is gonna be ugly.

Well she didn't get what she wanted.

Shell,

Not moving out...look that was a fight that was coming with that choice, maybe we screwed up and didn't warn you about it.

Its going to be a big fight, actually, and it is damaging to the 'calm'.

I still do not believe that the person who wants to be married should be the one to leave the home.

It is not vindictive, its not an angry tactic, if you need to assign a name to it, call it a reality check. And it's not even a very hard one.

They aren't happy with their life, let them make the effort to improve it.

The tactic I took with my H was not to ask him to leave the home. He told me he was going to stay in contact with his OW, and I just said, "You cannot do that while you live here, and you cannot live here while you do that."