10 minutes ago H calls. We chat a bit, about nothing. He tells me he will beback from trip on Sat. (I already knew that). All I said was "cool, give me a call."
He says... "ummm I said I was coming home on Sat."
Awkward silence...He says "I would like to be back home."
More tense awkward silence. I say "cool, call me when you get back." I didn't know what to say. Caught me totally off my rocker.
I don't want this soooo fast (it has been 7 months) yet we NEVER discussed recon.
Now what?
I have finally settled into my life and truly enjoy our time together. YET YET YET????? Help
me:51 H: 48 No kids together M:14 years seperated:Ask him to GET OUT 3/21/11 Piecing 09/14
Wow! I don't know how I would handle that either. I was just telling my friend that if H came to me, wanting to make "us" work, I would need time to ease back in. With him being back in your home, will you be able to set up boundaries and take things slowly, so as not to "skip over parts"?
What's up with the no notice or warning or hinting or communicating?
WTH?? Hey, this Is good news but it's easy to get carried away with it.
See the very first 2 lines above and please process them.
Why would marriage between you two now, be better or different than before?
That question has to be answered before he comes home. You don't need all the details but you better have some serious ideas and plans for how to answer it, imo. Otherwise, why won't you be back here in a year?
Good luck!
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
I am so not 100% ready for this. I think his desire comes from many levels. We love each other, we spend all our free time together and money. How much longer can we support 2 households?
I already, a month or so ago, threw it up in the air and said so what? What is the worse that can happen?? If we go broke, they cannot take away my job, they cannot take away my daughter or granddaughter.
Now this...I think he finally figured it out. I don't live for him and he doesn't get the final say how I live. If I have to rent a box under the overpass, oh well!
In all seriousness, I make close to $75,000 a year. Not enough to support my current lifestyle, yet ENOUGH to move on and get a nice apartment (it is soooo expensive in Calif.)
So torn
me:51 H: 48 No kids together M:14 years seperated:Ask him to GET OUT 3/21/11 Piecing 09/14
how about he... puts together a "plan"... one where he slowly moves back in, and some steps that he might take to pave the way... and some things he's like to see happen...
You could do the same, compare notes, and go from there with a fair balance... and NO expectations...
I didn't want to poke the bear, but I think I did. I asked what are we going to different? What has changed in the last year? He has pulled way back. I can hear it in his voice/tone
me:51 H: 48 No kids together M:14 years seperated:Ask him to GET OUT 3/21/11 Piecing 09/14
If he chooses not to return than he was never worthy of your love. Never worthy of you.
As you said above. His actions don't dictate your life, your decisions, your happiness.
Good luck!
M: 42 - W: 41 - M: 18 - T: 23 - D:16 S:14 EA - July 2010 NC w/EA - Nov 2010 Piecing - Jan 2011 I ask for div - Jan 2012 Div papers filed - Mar 2012 I move out - July 2012 Divorce final - Nov 7, 2012
