I don't know what has been up with me the last few days, it has to be about OM being around, and my thoughts running away, the good thing is my wife has not seen any of that, so thats a big improvement!!!
She came round again last night with some things for the kids, it was all nice and polite again, we are getting on so well, that I should really be thankful for that alone after reading some of the stories on here.
So I continue this journey, don't know what will happen, but I feel really good, if she wants OM, fine.
But this is certainly a loss to her, as I am well on the way to being the man I have always wanted to be!!
I laugh, I smile, my internal anger has settled, I'm content with everything I have, this is a massive change as I was always irritable and unsettled?, and I'm fit and sober!!
The change in my body and physical appearance is massive!!
Its our wedding anniversary on Saturday, last year we had only been split about 6-8 weeks when it came around.
I sent flowers to her work place, I know now,bad idea!!!!!
I know she received them as I got an email fom the florist that they had been accepted and signed for, BUT,she never mentioned them to me, and I didn't ask either!!
So, the question is, do I do anything this year, as said, things were still raw and hurtful a year ago, and send to her work was the wrong thing to do, but things have changed slightly.
I'm thinking to do nothing, and just see if she mentions anything, but I'm open to any suggestions.
I know it sounds cruel to do nothing, but where are you in respect to this time last year? Yes, you are getting along better, but not yet near to reconciling. I fear if you send flowers, she will back away from you really fast. If you do nothing, aren't you just giving her what she says she wants? She says she wants D, she wants to separate her life from yours. If you were D, would you send her anything for your anniversary? What are the chances she will even mention it to you? Or acknowledge a gift sent to her, since she didn't before?
Can you get a small gift, not too personal, maybe her favorite tea, and cookies (biscuits, I think y'all call them) and take your cues from her, IF she talks about your anniversary, says happy A to you or something like that, then say Oh I got you a little something. Or just save the gift, and just say happy A back to her. You can always give her the gift if and when y'all reconcile. Or, just get a card, not too mushy, and again, take your cues from her, save it if she isn't in the mood for it.
Thanks for that VC, I will get a card, sign it and have it in the car with me, if she mentions anything when I see her, depending on what is said, tone, etc, I have it to give, nothing special, but its the gesture.
I had to drop somethings off last night at my wifes for the kids, I called before and she sounded pleased I was calling round.
Got there, kids were making a fuss, as usual!, wife was just stood smiling.
She asked if I was going to my AA meeting, I said yes, she was pleased and was asking how it was going, did I miss drinking,etc.
I told her I felt great, I don't really think about it anymore, I just get on with things and don't drink, that is me now, and I'm happy. I even throw in I was out on Tuesday night and didn't drink, just diet coke, never said where, or who with!
She seemed genuinely pleased, we talked a bit more, kids, work, etc, then I said I had to go, said bye and went, I maybe wrong, but I felt she didn't want me to go at that time, she seemed a little upset when I said I had to go, not sure, but I'm not getting carried away!
Everything is good, I feel great, kids are happy and life moves on.
But when I was speaking to her last night, it hit me again how much I love my wife, really love her, and all her faults!
But for now that is out of my control, and she is not with me.
It upsets me, but it won't impact my life too much.
It definitely sounds like she is beginning to reconnect in some ways with you. She has enjoyed your company for some time. It's really helping that you are being her friend now. By not putting any pressure on her, she can find her way back to you one day. I would be surprised if she doesn't. It's good that you left with the feeling that she wanted you to stay longer
And now, I have to try to go to sleep, it's 2:08 am here, too much caffeine tonight.
Thanks Guys, I am hopefull, but try not to dwell on it!!
She sent an email this morning around 8.00am of our daughter dressed up for a charity day at school, I sent a text thanking her, saying she looked great. It was a nice thought to send me it.
Ajay, don't beat yourself up too much!! My contact is because of our kids, we have to talk!!! But we are getting on a load better, read all my thread, I've had it really bad at times!!!!
Keep positive, look after you, I know this sounds easy, I've been there when it was really hard!!!, but it does get better.
I use the gym to clear my head, it really helps
Also try any be busy, on anything!!!
I also play music a lot more, I have an ipod dock in the kitchen and when I'm there my phone is plugged in and the music is on, it does help my mood
The big thing I found really helps, and it is easy to say, is try and lose your anger. I have found I sleep better, feel better and get on with my wife a load better because of it.
The hurt is still there, just try not to get angry because of it!!
I picked the kids up tonight, she didn't even come to the door to acknowledge me, no problem, it hurt a little, but nobody sees it anymore.
Son told me mum was getting ready she was going out with "the girls", she maybe, she maybe seeing OM, who knows??
I can only try to not let it play on my mind, this is what kills you!!
I once read that the best horror movies were the ones that showed little, it was your own imagination that gave you the biggest fright!!
This is what you have to overcome, letting your mind take you to places you don't want to go, she maybe with her friends, if she isn't then she is lying to her own kids, this is not good!
But these are the things that she has to live with if she is lying, she has lied to me, no big deal!, her kids, and her family, I just hope its all worth it, because if,and when it goes down hill, she will have to overcome big regrets!!
But that is not my problem.
I know I messed things up in my marriage, I take full responsibility for that, always have, and always will, but I have done everything I can to save my marriage once I understood, I will continue to try and do the right thing by it, until I have nothing to fight for.
