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I would say she is rewriting history. As far as not being the affectionate type I would say she was right about that. I've given it a lot of thought and the only time I would be that way towards her was when I wanted S.

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Went to IC last night it was my 2nd session and on the way home my W asks me how it went and what was said. I told her I didn't want to discuss anything over the phone. Well this apparently this made my W feel that someone was in my truck with me since I won't talk on the phone when others are in my truck with me. I get home and she asks if I even went to IC then asks who was in my truck, well nobody was, lol.
Fast fwd to this morning and she asks what was discussed and I was vague about it which did not make her happy. She was also questioning me about who I'm going out with tonight and where am I going. She also commented on me being upbeat asking if the IC told me to be this way.
I guess the fact that I'm GAL and working on myself is getting to her?

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It sounds like your W wants you to be intimate with her, without having sex. My guess is that she wants the closeness that includes intimate conversation where you express your thoughts & feelings about the two of you. This is not the time to show any negative viewpoints, but talk to her in a way to build her up. Even if you tell her how you felt when you saw her the first time, etc.

Give her words of affirmation. That can be food for her ego. But if she thinks you are doing that as a way to get sex, it won't go over very well. You will need to prove to her that it's not your intention to ML whenever you say something positive to her. You prove it by letting her see the outcome, not by telling her you aren't seeking sex.

Just as men need to ML physically, women need the man to ML to her mentally. A man should always start with what's between her ears, instead of what's between her legs.

Sandi I think you are correct because something interesting happened last night. I had a night planned out with some friends to have a few beers. I had to take my S14 to his soccer game where I met up with my W. One of my Ws female friends was there with her D and commented on how she wanted to leave so tongue in cheek I said"you can go with me I'm going out". Well the W heard that and got mad I didn't invite her so I told her she can meet me later to which she said "I'm not your sloppy seconds". Well don't you know my W and her friend end up showing to the place we were at.

So my W and I drive home together and she starts the R talk. I ask her if she is satisfied with what she saw or better yet didn't see. She tries to play innocent and just blurts out "well I don't know when the last time you had sex was". Now I'm lol to myself since I knew why she showed up to where I was at. I felt confident in telling her that the last time was with you and you're the only one I want to do that with. I'm sure that made her feel good. Our conversation was good after that. Got home and went to bed.
Where do we stand? I'm not sure but all in all I think you're post is dead on.

Can't wait til I'm not fully moderated, lol. So last night (Sat) the W and I go to A Night at the Races with friends of ours. We drove together, just my W and I. We are just chit-chating on the way down and my W comments about how when her sister and her husband had problems that nobody knew about them and that it was nice that we are on the same page i.e. we are acting "as if" everything is fine in front of others. She also said that I'm being nice towards her "for now that it won't last". My response to that was "you'll see". My thoughts are that she is noticing the changes but she doesn't believe them and rightly so since in the past I would go right back to my old ways. This time I know I need to make these changes for myself.

I've gone back to reading the DR again and I definitely feel like I'm not in the position to ask for what I want. I'm not even sure she knows what she wants because again she has said things like "we have nothing in common" and "we don't even watch t.v together". Based on some of the things she is saying I would say part of my 180's should be to go into our room and watch a show with her I would imagine that if she didn't want me there she would say so. I'm really not sure if expressing my thoughts & feelings about the two of us is a good idea at this point but I do understand that I need to build her up and I've been doing just that. An example would be when we are getting ready for work in the morning I've heard her say that she looks fat, which she isn't and I tell how how good she looks but she then tells me that I have to say that and I tell her no I don't have to.

I guess my sitch is somewhat different from some on here being that I didn't meet her emotional needs so I guess going dim/dark may not be ideal here. Like I said before I've refrained from telling her that I love her since I don't want to pursue her and chase her away. I've not tried or even talk about ML to her. I do put my arm around her in the morning before we get out of bed and she has yet to tell me to stop but she doesn't do it in return.

So if anyone has any suggestions please feel free to chime in.

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I also have wondered about that chapter in DR on askig what you want. I've seen posters misunderstand the application and try to ask for what they want (i.e. wanting the M to work) and of course, that was not the thing to do.

If your W has low self-esteem, then you can gradually work in positive statements about her. And when you do give her words of affirmation....make sure you don't sound like a husband....but you sound like a man. Do you understand what I mean? For example, when she dresses for work or going out, don't say, "You look really nice". That's a "husband" compliment. That makes no points with her. But say it the way an unmarried man would point out how she looks.



On the contrary, I think that is the beginning of the breakdown in most M's.



You are on the right path here.

As MWD says, it's all about timing.