Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis Time to move forward

Welcome to the MLC board,

You said you have seen my welcoming post.

I am not going to repeat it if you have already read it.
So if you have any questions be sure to post them here.

And at the same time, while you might not respect her, and I'd be hard pressed to believe you if you said you did...she is still their mother.

It behooves you to tell them not to disrespect her. Even if it is the truth, that some things do not need to be said.

klm, no known history of alcohol or drugs

However, W was always a heavy binge drinker, and never knows when to stop.

When W was going through OM withdraw (didnt know this at the time) she was drinking wine EVERY night. The kids and her friends told me this.

This was shown in one night back in June IIRC when the kids were 50/50 and at their mums this week, when I got a knock at the door at 9.45pm, it was D14 (13 at the time) with 2 friends, and the conversation when something like

M - Ohh hello

D14 - Mum has sent me round to collect her bottle of Vodka as she has finished all her wine

M - (Quite taken back) Ohh, and your mum thinks I am going to give a bottle of Vodka to 3 13 years old girls to walk around the street with at nearly 10pm, yeah right

D14 - Ohh yeah, u have a point, thats not very good. I agree with you

M - I know, what if the police stop u

D14 - Your right dad, mum will have to get it another time, bye

Cadet, thanks, yep, read most LOL

J3B - Sooooo true

S12 told me last Tue (the day before going to his mums) that he doesnt want to go there at all now.

I said to both of them, that W is still your mum and you need to see her, and she needs to see you.

No matter what, this I believe is the right thing to do, and I will alway do what I believe is right. Some people I know have said, you know the stuff, use the kids etc etc, and have said I am doing the honerable thing, and they didnt know if they could....and fair play to me.

I'm not doing it for affirmation, its just right

I only siad to the kids again yesterday, something like

Look, mum is in a difficult place right now, try not to get into arguments with her, you wont win anyhow.

I have told D14 a bit about MLC as she understands more, maybe I am doing it to try and justify the hurt she sees and make excusses, IDK, suppose I am trying to protect them

Sure sounds to ME like she is an alcoholic. There are alcoholics who are binge drinkers, not daily drinkers. And her behavior just really sounds like that of an addict.

You might try going to an Al-Anon meeting, it might give you some perspective, and some useful tools for dealing with the kids in regards to her.

October 8
My reply to W’s settlement email from the day before, simple and to the point I felt
W

I wrote a very lengthy email, responding to all your points; however I deleted that as I’m not getting into a tit for tat bun fight anymore.

As far as I am concerned there are distinct areas which I have separated below. Each area is individual and is not to be used as a bargaining tool for the others, or all placed in the same basket. This is the same as a solicitor will do.

1 - Children’s Schedule (Statement of arrangements)

The current schedule, requested by our children and verbally agreed with you continues - I agree with you that this may change when things are settled and if the kids so wish it.

2 – Financial (Financial Settlement)

If you take the settlement as agreed, the divorce process is not drawn out or disputed, and costs are kept to a minimum. If not agreed this could go on for a long time.


Child Benefit

This area will not be considered by a solicitor as they cannot enforce something out of their control or remit, and does not form part of any agreement, this is separate, thus I will no longer consider it as part of any of our discussions.

I will apply for D14’d child benefit, and together with the claim for S12’s we will let the benefit office decide who it is paid to.
W replied straight away with:
I agree with everything apart from the part I agreed verbally about the childcare arrangements I have contested this on more than a few occasions, howver I acceot the financial settlement of 32k

Not going to post day by day, just the main bits to bring upto now

October 13
W called both kids last night and begged them to stay with her more again, saying she was lonely and had no one to talk to.

They both again said that they want to stay as they are, D14 said until things settle down, but didn't say how long as to not hurt her, but she said to me it will be at least 6 months.

I do feel sorry for W, but this is a consequence of her choice and past and current actions.

October 15
Called MIL yesterday to see how she was after her accident.....

I know, W told me not to contact her side of the family ever again, LOL, just monster spewing .........

October 16

Started to have irregular heart rate about midnight, took some asprin as I know it thins the blood, but still not better, so called my brother who took me up the hospital where the admitted me. The kids where at home and I arranged for them to go to brothers, but as it was the early hours they wanted to stay in bed.

I left a few fb messages to friends to check in on the kids.

W called D14 as she usually does, this was at about 11am, and asked the usual questions, what is dad up to, how is he (she always asks!) so D14 told her, and that friends had been calling the to check in. Now IMHO a “normal” parent would say, ohh that’s nice of them etc, but not W, it was, well they didn’t F**ing what to help before……..

I didn’t call W as she goes up to see OM on her weekend without the kids and would have been drinking, so no way could she have come down.

I received a couple of text from w asking about if I wanted her to have the kids, I didn’t reply as I was rigged up in hospital but they sorted it out and W text me to say the kids were staying with her.

I received another 2 text the next day, but just replied “at home now” when I got home.

Whilst in hospital MIL found out and called me in the ward, which was really nice and a surprise.


October 17

Hospital made me think a bit, so after W’s last text I didn’t reply until the evening, and basically said that I knew about OM months ago and I know what I want, and that I didn’t think she had a conscience, or how she slept at night (I know, I know……..wanted to get it out there, hospital really made me think)

Couple of text back from W


October 18

This mornings text started by W at 6.23!

W - Well I slept well last nite as I have a clear conscience

M - Why u up so early then LOL

W - LMAO u are continually thinking about me then u need to get a life

Heard of some of W status today, like had a great weekend, you know who u r, and similar. WTH, the kids can see it all, what must they think when their mum is posting stuff like this, and its not about their dad, no wonder, but she is too fogged to see what she is doing to her relationship with the kids.

Ok

Sooooo

Those first few post lead up to this……

October 20, received a letter from W’s solicitors letter, nothing about D, kids or finances, just a story

and these are some of the inclusions word for word…….

“We understand from our client that your client received a copy of our letter to you on his birthday and that he was particually annoyed about this and sent our client some very nasty text messages. This was on Tuesday afternoon when our client was in accident and emergency with her mother who had been involved in a serious car accident. Because our client was in the hospital her phone had to be switched off but nonetheless your client constantly bombarded her with text messages saying such things as “he was going to take everything from her, including the children” etc. All of this was very distressing for our client who was in a highly vulnerable state because she was worried about her mother. Your client was aware of this but nonetheless continued to send nasty text messages to our client.

WTF………

Next bit was about the the incident when she just walked into the house and verbally attacked me, and stated…
Our client opened the door and entered the property. She found you client in the kitchen and asked him why he didn’t let her in, his response was that things are going to start to get messy.


Then its gets even more ??????

We understand that in the early hours of Sunday morning, 16 October 2011, your client was admitted to hospital with chest pains. Our client was caring for the children at this time but received a text message from your client along the lines of “if she wants to see him he is in hospital which is where she put him”

Then the icing on the cake !!!!!

The emotional pressure that your client is piling on our client is wholly inappropriate and our client feels there is a need for your client to consider obtaining professional help for his condition as clearly he does not see himself as having any blame as a result of the breakdown of the parties marriage


I just couldn’t believe what I was reading, my first reaction was to laugh, then to say WTF.

My mum called me and I was laughing, Mum asked why and I explained and said if I didn’t laugh at it what else could I do.

I shared it with a couple of friends who were also of the same opinion.

D14 came round to pick something up (kids were at mums for the 4 days) asked what the letter I was reading was, and showed her the last two paragraphs, D14 said, dad your not the crazy one, mum is. Then asked to check my messages from 16 Oct, and said, but dad you didn’t even send a message on 16th, to which I just replied I know.

Oh, the last bits of the letter were W raising issues over my care of the kids and she has concerns that S12 doesn’t wash every day, and D14 goes out to late (this was 8pm!!)

OK, i'll let that nugget sink in..........please have a look at the text I sent on P1, and my log of when I was admitted to hospital (hint, the kids were with me at the time LOL)

Couldn't make this kind of stuff up could you

The more people who know, who you confide in makes it harder for her to come back around. Judgement is a bit ch to overcome.