Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers I'm still here part III

DG,
I am sorry to hear of your latest developments. I will be thinking about you today. As JB and Valeska and everyone else is saying, this is, unfortunately, just another step on the road to a destination that is still unknown. There are many possibilities as to how this ends. I would say to use your energy to focus on the only thing right now you can control, you and your actions/reactions. I am trying to practice this all the time, I'm getting alittle better at it, but backslide often.

You will survive, right now it stinks, but time will pass and you will get through it, lean forward!!
Gunny

Thank you for picking me up when I was down yesterday. It was definitely one of "those" days for me.
It was a mix up of several different emotions, that's for sure. I am doing better today.

I will say this, the latest development has made it possible for me to truly drop the rope and let go. I have absolutely no desire to see, speak or hear from him.
I'm very upset with how he has handled things, but I REFUSE to show him that this is killing me inside.

I will be happy when his phone is disconnected later on this week. As far as I'm concerned, we have nothing to talk about.

Journaling----

Went to dinner with a friend tonight, and had a good time. Talked about my impending D a little bit, but it wasn't all we talked about which is good. We even laughed a lot.

As usual, I've been thinking about this whole thing, and I'm kind of angry. I understand what the problems in our M were. The thing is, I started to see an IC almost 2 months before my H left, and was already making steps in the right direction. And when we did S, we didn't see one another or speak for a month, but slowly started talking and seeing one another from time to time. We even ML a couple of times. I guess I don't understand what happened?

How does H go from "I don't want to D, I just need some time" and attending one of my iC sessions, to him suddenly stop all communication and then filing for D?
I don't know what went wrong, and I have to accept the fact that I probably won't get the answers either, and I need to be ok with that.

I go back & fourth with emotions and I know it is normal. I am angry with him for the way he has handled all of this, even though I know it isn't anything I can control.
I really don't think I would even consider taking him back if he wanted to at this point. He's burned too many bridges.

I finally love myself more.

DG
I'm glad you feel like you are able to let the rope go.

There are times when I drop the rope. At this stage of my life.. I still pick it up but each time I wait longer and hold on more loosely. I know my day to drop for good will happen sooner rather than later.

At this point.. you can't take him back. You said you are hurt and angry and until those feelings are dealt with.. your m wouldn't stand a chance anyways.

Continue to love yourself more but do this by forgiving yourself, and work on forgiving your husband. There is no better love for oneself than to rid our hearts of negative feelings.

Keep on keeping on.

Good morning DG,
Glad you had a good time at dinner last night, great way to spend your night, and you laughed, great!!

You are expressing many of the same feelings that I have at this time, sadness, but increasingly mixed with anger for having been left in this sitch. It definately is an emotional rollercoaster. I feel for you, it really stinks!

We can drive ourselves nuts trying to figure out what goes on in the heads of our WAW'S, I know that I have only a finite amount of energy in each day, and am trying very hard not to expend a great deal of it on figuring out my sp's mind. Sometimes telling myself this helps.
Hope you have a great day, you deserve it!

Today is a bad day for me.

I find myself having huge anxiety, to the point where I feel I may have a panic attack.
I keep thinking "Oh my God...this is real..this is really happening...I'm getting divorced." It scares me so much that I am tempted to try to contact H to beg & plead to reconsider.

I won't though, I can promise you that. I feel like it though.

I DON'T WANT THIS.

Hi, DG. I'm so sorry to read about the latest turn of events. I know first hand about the horrible anger, sadness, anxiety, etc. It's NOT fun. I hope you have some close friends or family you can lean on for the comfort and support you need right now. I don't know how I would have gotten through those early days without my best friend.

Has your husband had you served yet, or has he even told you he officially filed? All so bizarre the way the mind of the WAS works. My husband did the same thing when he filed - didn't say a word to me about it. I had to find out from a lawyer friend who happen to see it on public record. Talk about feeling humiliated (and very p!ssed off)! You just wonder why the WAS can't "man up" and inform you of the $h!tstorm they are sending your way!

I've read on here several times that the fight to save your marriage isn't over until YOU decide it's over. I believe that is true. That time is different for all of us; heck, some people even hang in there after the divorce is final (and in some cases, that works and the couple eventually remarries). In my case, I came very, very close to giving up. I'm glad I didn't, and I'm REALLY glad that I learn to effectively DB (even if it wouldn't have saved my marriage, it helped me grow considerably). Whatever you decide to do, I have confidence that you will handle yourself with grace.

It is too bad for your husband that he is missing out on you. Remind yourself of that often. Even though it hurts worse than you ever thought possible, HE is the one who ends up the big loser.

Take care of yourself, lc4

DG...

I feel exactly...EXACTLY...the same way. The anxiety, shortness of breath, panic, fighting the temptation to throw myself at my W's feet, not believing this is really happening...

We think we want what we used to have. We want the security, the feeling of being loved, the sense of "partnership", the company, the physical touch...we want it all back. We see where we went wrong and we know it would be so much better this time around.

But we are only half of the equation. Our WAS's are gone. For whatever screwed-up reasons, they think their happiness lies with others. They have made up their minds and if they destroy a few lives in the process, well so what? We'll all get over it, right? We have become shadows and memories.

I don't have a warm fuzzy answer to any of this. I think all you and I, and any of us, can do is love ourselves, know that our happiness and sanity do not depend on our WAS's and keep looking forward to the day when this does not occupy our thoughts 24/7.

We can do this.

"I feel exactly...EXACTLY...the same way. The anxiety, shortness of breath, panic, fighting the temptation to throw myself at my W's feet, not believing this is really happening..."

DG I second what TM said^^^^^^. My L called me Monday to tell me that we could be D on 11/16. One court date. Hang in there let God take care of you that is what I'm trying to do. I hand over my stich every morning to him. Sometimes it helps

I know I can do this, I don't really have a choice in the matter.

His decision is his decision, he made it and I have to respect it.

It just hurts like hell.