Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Are there any success stories here?

Honestly, I don't think MWD's techniques have been subject to peerbshdg review on effectiveness.

My theory is that 80-85% of the marriages are lost causes by the time people get here. 15-20% can be saved through DB "techniques"

The problem is that you don't kn

don't know which one your marriage is.

Harrier may be right about that. A lot of time it seems that people have made a lot of mistakes by the time they get here which has driven the wedge even deeper. I was lucky to find a reference to this site almost right away so I could put it into practice more or less immediately. Had I not read this I would have tried pursuing, reasoning, begging, pleading etc. which undoubtedly may have pushed us into the unreconcilable category.

It obviously also depends on the emotional maturity of the people involved (particularly the WAS), as well as how bad the marriage got before it blew up. People can be very mean and abusive, if that was going on it's obviously a much longer road back to "healthy", etc.

Where I came out was that working on me, and improving myself wasn't going to hurt. If I could be a better partner in a relationship, it would certainly serve me well next time around if not this time. The second marriage failure statistics are rather grim and that resonated with me -- if you don't clean up your issues, you're pretty much going to end up in the same place with someone new, then have two sets of luggage to drag around with you.

had I not come here, I can say with near certainty, that I'd be divorced.

I can't say that I have any success to report obviously. But what I can say is, what else is there?

I know it took about a week for my copy of DR to arrive after my counselor told me about it (which happened the same day as the bomb). In that week I did lots of standard responses and I also know they drove my w further away every day.

What I can say is that since really working on DB strategies I have seen the following:
- my w and I talk. We're still on a path to a bad end, but that path is far less antagonistic and cold than it was.
- my r with my kids is dramatically better.
- I am having more fun in my life.
- I am getting my needs met more often because I feel empowered to ask for them to be met.
In the end will this save my M? No clue. Is there any other option? Not that I can see.

This goes for me as well. And while my sitch is still a work in progress, DB IS working for me, and I'm certain my marriage IS being saved.

NTX, there is MUCH hope for your situation. I know it's hard for you to see the big picture and easy to get caught up in the day to day drama, but as a friend who follows you & cares for you...I see growth in you and hope for your marriage.

Keep your chin up....love & hugs, lc4

NTX, hang in there, man. I don't have any tangible indicators my M will be saved, actually quite the opposite. However, I'm still in the game, and there's no way I would have ever thought I would still be in the game this long. I know because of DB'ing and because of God, I would have never done the things for myself I have. I've been saved from the pit of despair. I have also met a lot of top notch people because of DB'ing.

I think the big question is what makes a happy ending.

This place was a point of sanity, a third way of looking at the situation, and not be a pleading pathetic fool, or an angry resentful jerk. Instead I found calm and empowered myself.

I took responsibility for my own actions, and have strived to no longer play the mind games that we both played.

Me and my W have a longer piecing road than most, and we are still not in the clear. We each still have some very unresolved issues that may sink this ship at any time.

Despite this we both love each other and have resolved to keep trying. I don't think either of us knows where this will end. For the time being we know that we want to be together.

Regardless we have soo much work left that I am still reluctant to use the word piecing.

So it's hard to say.

Most importantly what's success to you?

I appreciate the comments and lively discussions.

I may have had trouble explaining my point. I am not saying that we shouldn't try these techniques. I just sometimes feel like in my situation, and others on here, it seems clear at times the WAS is not interested in fixing themselves and it's not fair for them to keep us in limbo.

Sometimes I feel like it's better to bite the bullet and finish up the divorce, so that the healing can begin and I can move on. The actions of my WAW are not the actions of someone who loves me, so I sometimes wonder why I shouldn't just move on.

If it wasn't for D8, I think I would be more proactive in finishing the divorce so that I can heal and GAL faster.

NTX,

My H dropped the bomb on me July 3rd this year. Told me he didn't love me or feel passion. Wanted to move to his own place and be alone. Beginning of September, I found out he had an ea with his coworker.

I employed a few different db-ing techniques and took the advice of those on this board and from reading other situations.

My H has recently decided to stay in our M and has committed himself to me again. We are moving into piecing.

I hope this inspires you.