End of a LONG week! Lots of "processing" going on over the last couple of weeks. I guess it's one of those things that when you are ready, you are ready.
It's been very interesting lately. Work has been EXTREMELY challenging. I work with 5 other men and 2 other women. The men's age range is 32-70. This week I was exposed to a "boys'" conversation in which one of the younger divorced men was showing his "personal" phone around to the other men to show them how many women he was "juggling". Women he met online, or at bars, or wherever. Constant flow of text messaging. But here's where the story takes a turn...not only were there text messages but there were extremely graphic sexual pictures of these women. This is how they "communicate" their interests. I was so taken aback. No one was shocked. So I investigate a little bit more - talk to other women in the office - younger women - not revealing the goings on of my peer - but the "hypothetically" situations. Again, was shocked to know how common this behavior was.
Having lived through the aftermath of a sex addiction with my X - I may be hypersensitive, but I wonder where the moral compass of society resides anymore. I spoke to my girls about it and they both knew girls in their social sphere who engage in this behavior - girls who think nothing of it. I have not approached my son yet.
I suppose I am probably "over" affected by all of this because I am trying to determine my belief system as I move forward in the aftermath of my divorce. Am I going to hold true to the faith of my childhood (Catholicism)? Will I lean more towards a liberal religious sect to establish my boundaries and non-negotiables? I am back to re-establishing my belief system as a result of all I have been through.
Anyway, I'm moving on.
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
Wow. That's pretty upsetting. But I can say that I don't think it's the norm. I mean, I know single men who are not disrespectful at all towards women. And in the case of one guy I know, he's sleeping with women, but he's certainly not talking about it or texting or sending/receiving pics.
I guess it takes all kinds...I would like to think there are decent men out there...and frankly, I know that there are based on the few single men (recently divorced) on this board who are very good people who respect women and who are very grounded. I'd like to meet a man like them someday...
M45 Bomb 6/09; EA 6/10; Divorced 1/11 Proud single mom of 7 little feline girls and one little feline boy "Fall down 53 times. Get up 54." -- Zen saying
that IS weird behavior and I'm hoping your profession somehow attracts it...no offense.
I have 5 brothers, a h, an adult son and a bil. I think maybe MAYBE one of them would do that and by "that", I mean showing others and bragging about the "juggling" of them, with the sexting pics too.
One of my brothers was probably unfaithful to his w, the others were not, even in tough times. None of my sisters have had affairs and that means only 1 out of 9...
the brother who MAY have cheated on his wife while in Asia, is also the one who Might do something like that. But my brothers and h are my bellweather for what's "normal". My son is a straight, attractive actor in NYC who can date who he wants.
But he's careful with his heart and his body and from what he tells me, YES there is a substantial minority of women who see men as conquests to be seduced and to "make horny". They crave the feeling of being desired and want "proof" of it. So they send out their photos on the cells without a care about who sees it. AND they post their own bodies on FB, half or fully nude! some of them especially like seducing men in committed r's...nice, huh? So you could argue that there are a lot of "jerk" women out there too. I have a niece who posted videos of herself naked, having sex, on the internet and she is proud of it...she's in high school. In some ways I think it's a confusing time for men. Charles Mee wrote a play called "Big Love" (my son was in it or I would not know this) and in the play
he discusses how hard it is for men and women. For men I recall my son's character saying society wants men to "be able to Fight to kill to defend our women & homes...but in the next moment to be ready for tender love making"...
it can't be easy to be a man today. Unfortunately your place of work is a place where at least a few of them are jerks. He's NOT normal, I hope/think.
IMO, He's on the 'jerk" end of the spectrum. I hope you don't "need" his support in your work. Geez...
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Apologies for thread jacking, but just to add to the perspective of what's 'normal' these days, the OW in my H's life sent him really graphic pics of herself (or at least pasts of herself) via text and email during their A.
The interesting thing is that she's a registered psychologist who advertises herself as a specialist marriage counsellor and as someone who can help children throughout the experience of divorce (she has no children herself).
She was an ex-student of mine in her university years and invited both of us to her wedding. I thought we were friends.
She subsequently forwarded me all the email evidence of her relationship with my H in a most cold-hearted and triumphant way.
I would like to have her de-registered on moral/ethical grounds, but don't know if my perspective would be shared by the national registration board. To think that someone like her is giving advice to women in marital distress. It makes me shudder.
Whatever you tell her board is going to come with some costs to YOU. Think hard about it.
But yeah, I'd wonder about saying something. She basically sent porn over the internet, which may even be a crime. As for sending it to YOU, what on earth was the goal in that?
What did your h say THEN??
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
No worries about hijack - it's an interesting topic. and 25 I agree with you - it is a difficult time for men and women. In my case - I work in public education and I find the behavior of the co-worker really disturbing for a man who also works in the field.
Funny story with my situation - as I've shared XH and OW are "coaching" middle school ball together. The parents are appalled - they hold hands and hang on each other before practices and all. Anyway - OW takes players in classroom to give them a "life lesson". Now mind you = this is a woman who has no degree and milks the welfare system because of a so-called back problem that prevents her from working - but she's ok to coach and run around on the floor. Oh well - my son and I have 6 months left to be around the school and them. That's a relief.
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
IB, that is not normal, although not uncommon. I know countless people that do that. I can tell you that I sometimes joke about the multiple women I dated, when asked questions. I joke by saying, "which one?". But people that know me, know that is not me. That is me with low self-esteem poking fun at something (I was also very upfront with the women I dated at the same time - always give the respect you want to receive.) I do not joke like that any longer and only joked like that for a short period of time.
I can say that there are many people that believe that is how they should interact. I know lots of women that sext and send graphic pics to men (and women). I know a lot of women that think that sex is a way to feel wanted. They "expect" sex after a certain amount of dates.
I've been the fourth girl in conversations (not kidding). I blushed several times when I heard some of what they said about men. I was a Marine for years, and have never heard some of that stuff.
I do still joke about that. To me they have static in the head.
What I tend to see is that people, often not long after their divorces, tend to revert to high school like behavior. Except that people have adult bodies and nobody to answer to. To some extent I did for a little while.
I find it repulsive when faced with those situations. And I have gone home many times by myself because I did not want to be part of that.
After I came to terms with the situation, I realized more clearly that I wasn't being true to me. Thankfully that crazy time was minimal and only lasted a short while. Because that is not me and I do not think it appropriate to sleep around nor do I think that sex is a good substitute for companionship.
I was in a loving and committed relationship for close to 20 years. I know the difference between caring, loving intercourse and "sex" with an available partner. There is no way I can be with just anyone. I'm human, but I'm not an animal and I am not screwed up in the head nor a child. I have lots of friends that are not into that kind of thing and that understand that kind of behavior is between two committed people.
NLW, that is behavior that should be reported. It's often said that people become psych's to help themselves. That's a cry for help if I've ever heard it. The board should investigate that if that person works with kids especially. Don't wait. Contact them and let them know what you received and let them decide if that should be investigated or not. Let them help you decide if it should be a formal complaint or not.
IB, hang in there. I know it's difficult to watch the trainwreck, but it won't last. The dating scene has a lot of crazies, but they aren't all that way.
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
